


Possible Chaos, Definite Complications.

by OftenEvening



Category: ATEEZ (Band), Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: '00 line is aged up a year, Alternate Universe - College/University, Competition, Confessions, Dancing, Fake Breakup, Fake Rebound, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Feelings Realization, Friendship, Happy Ending, Kissing and a bit more, Lyrics are important, M/M, Misunderstandings, POV Third Person Limited, Some Swearing, Texting, Yeosang and Hyunjin are so much more than their looks, Yeosang can DANCE, but real competition is Not about dancing....
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:13:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 64,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26010211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OftenEvening/pseuds/OftenEvening
Summary: “Yeosang, have your ever wanted to date one of your friends?”He slowly lifted his head from his book and narrowed his eyes at Hyunjin.“Why are you asking?”“You didn’t answer.”“No,” he said firmly. “Never. Why?”The other’s shoulders fell. “I thought if you had, you’d have an idea.”“An idea on how to date a friend? Ask them out.”
Relationships: Choi San & Jung Wooyoung, Choi San/Kang Yeosang, Hwang Hyunjin & Lee Felix, Hwang Hyunjin & Seo Changbin, Hwang Hyunjin/Kang Yeosang, Jung Wooyoung & Kang Yeosang
Comments: 67
Kudos: 97





	1. Prelude

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write a fic that emphasized Yeosang as a dancer. And then I saw a tweet....."this Hyunjin with this Yeosang".....and I was reminded how open Hyunjin has been about the frustrations of being seen first as a visual. I thought.....who else would best understand that frustration? Someone in similar circumstances. But how to put them together......? And what would happen, if I did......? Answer: it gets complicated.
> 
> Oh! Keep in mind, I aged the '00 line up a year, so the characters listed are all '99 liners....which makes everyone older than Wooyoung......and Hyunjin the eldest of them all. It entertained me. Especially Jongho being one month older than Wooyoung. ;)
> 
> Also, this is set in Fall 2019, which is the *second* term at Korean universities, so they're all aged 21 in Korean years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The performances referred to, I linked in the end notes, though not all are exactly representative.......it's an au, so I took some liberties.
> 
> Contact IDs in this chapter!  
> For Yeosang (KangYS): Wooyoung (Charismatic), San (Magnetic), Hyunjin (Hypnotic)  
> For Wooyoung (JungWY): Yeosang (MyMuse) and San (Artist2)

Yeosang

“Yeosang, have your ever wanted to date one of your friends?”

He slowly lifted his head from his book and narrowed his eyes at Hyunjin.

“Why are you asking?”

“You didn’t answer.”

“No,” he said firmly. “Never. Why?”

The other’s shoulders fell. “I thought if you had, you’d have an idea.”

“An idea on how to date a friend? Ask them out.” He returned his attention to his book. Stage directions in plays were trickier than dialogue. _What is seen and not seen can influence audience perception more than words._ His professor’s favorite saying echoed in his head. As always.

“I can’t do that! He still thinks of me as the freshman he mentored, the nervous newbie.”

This was going to be a conversation, then. On the second day of fall term. In the few hours they had before dance club met for the first time this semester. He sighed, placed a small paper in the book to mark his spot, then closed it. He propped his chin on his hands, not bothering to sit up from where he’d been lying on the grass. Hyunjin was lying down, too, on his side, one arm pillowed under his head, looking at him with troubled eyes. And that was bad. Hyunjin wanting help…it was just like Wooyoung or San wanting help. They looked so _earnest_ and _appealing_ …it was hard to say no.

“I doubt that. You’re a sophomore, now. You’re confident, you’re funny, you’re kind—assuming this person likes men, I think you stand a great chance. And the new hair color makes you a long-legged sunshine. No, actually that sounds weird, not good. If the sun grew legs and strolled around campus, people would incinerate. And the sky would be dark, and seas would evaporate, wouldn’t they?”

“Yeosang. Please stop building an opening scene and help me out?” Hyunjin pouted.

He should be immune. He’d known Jung Wooyoung nearly his entire life, and pouts were his best friend’s _specialty_ , but Hyunjin never pulled that shit with him. Advice, though? On how to date a friend? He didn’t have the faintest idea. Asking out Wooyoung? San? Any other friend? Very strange thought. 

“How long have you known him?”

“He was my mentor first year. He shouldn’t have been, since he’s in acting, and I’m in film production, but there weren’t enough people in my major, and more than enough in his, so he volunteered. He was so _nice_ , Yeosang. Kept checking in on me the _whole year_.”

“That’s…kind of what mentors are supposed to do.”

“Do they keep talking to you after the year is over? It isn’t like we talk so very often, but funny things he thinks up, he texts me. _Texts_. Not DMs. And I write back. And over the summer! I watched a drama he recommended, and we had whole e-mails back and forth. I’d learned enough from classes by then to make comments on camera angles—they overdid the medium long shots, then tried to compensate with extreme close-ups, I don’t know what they were thinking—and he talked about the actors’ blocking and it was about what we both knew, and loved. And he only ever once said something about how I would have…looked better than the lead.”

An actor who only talked about looks once? With Hyunjin? Hm. Either very perceptive, or he, too, was good-looking, and tended to see only himself in others’ roles. He shook the thought off. His friend would’ve noticed if his appearance was the main draw. He always noticed. The same way he, himself, did, when it happened to him.

“That’s promising. Can’t you just…ask him out for a coffee? Talk in-person the same way?”

“He’s _older_. I’d have to…impress him first, for him to maybe think of me that way.”

This was really not Yeosang’s area of strength. Wooyoung would be perfect to ask, but Hyunjin had his circle of friends, as much as Yeosang had his own, and they didn’t really overlap. Which was fine. It had been so extraordinary to meet someone who _got it_ , they’d wanted to keep their own friendship, born within minutes of Hyunjin walking into the dance club’s giant rehearsal space earlier this year, somewhat…separate. He sighed.

“I’ve only dated two people, one in high school, one in college. I told you that. How _they_ asked _me_ out, since it never occurred to me anyone was interested. _Actually_ interested. So I don’t know what to tell you. You’re impressive as you are, and if he can’t see that, maybe he’s not a good fit for you.”

“That sounds like a line from a play.”

“Probably,” Yeosang said agreeably. “I wish I could be helpful or something, but—”

“You can, though. Maybe.”

“How?”

“The, uh, drama I watched with him, it was a romance, and it had…a love triangle.”

“That’s 85 percent, if not higher, of all romantic dramas ever made.”

“It was _different_. The second male lead and the female lead, they were…doing this fake dating thing because she wanted to get the first male lead jealous, and it _worked_ , except the second male lead fell for her, too, so they were competing against each other, and she felt guilty, and then there was the whole part coming out how it wasn’t real to begin with, and the first male lead got mad—”

“That’s so stupid. He should be happy. He wins.”

“It’s a _drama_. No one in a romantic drama is truly happy until the last ten minutes,” Hyunjin retorted.

“Untrue. If it’s historical, the last ten minutes are usually the worst because they’re about to be separated forever, because of time travel, palace intrigue, mortal injuries, or an arranged marriage. Those last ten minutes are for them to say tearful goodbyes.”

Hyunjin rolled up to a sitting position, glaring at Yeosang. “Fine! No one in a _happily-ever-after modern drama_ is _truly happy_ until the last ten minutes. Is. That. Better?”

“Yes,” Yeosang smiled at him.

“Why am I asking you for advice when all you do is think about plot twists?”

“I have absolutely no idea.”

“Oh. I remember. There was fake dating, and it _worked_. So if you and I pretended we were…a thing, for a little while, and I’d let him know that, of course…he might get jealous.”

Yeosang flipped himself over and rocked up to sit within inches of Hyunjin’s face. “I think we need to visit the infirmary. You’re having a mental breakdown.”

“I am not!”

“You are! If you think something so entirely absurd would have _any_ effect on someone in real life, you’re in need of professional help. And even if it somehow ever _did_ , it would only work on someone who was _already interested_ , and you’ve made it clear he doesn’t think of you in that way so _how_?”

“He _could_ become interested. He wanted the second lead to get the girl.”

“Again, almost 85 percent of romantic dramas.”

“Not just because their lines and chemistry were better! Because the guy was a friend, and he didn’t know how much he liked her until the first lead started to notice her, and Minho-hyung thought it was sad that he lost, in the end.”

“That doesn’t— _he’d_ be the first lead, in a fake dating situation, so—"

“It was the fact it didn’t hit him until he realized he was losing her. That’s what made him sad. And, okay, they were a better match, character-wise.”

“Wait. Minho-hyung. Acting. Third year student. Does he have long lashes?”

“Uh…yeah?”

“Lee Minho. He’s your crush?”

“I like him. Crush sounds so…15.”

Yeosang waved a hand dismissively. “If it’s not hate, indifference, or love, lots of terms are interchangeable. Plays wouldn’t work if actors were just bleating the words I like you over and over again. Crush, like, enamored of, enchanted by, drawn to. Same basic thing. Huh. Well. He _is_ nice. He’s talented. Sometimes a little too judgmental—”

“ _Too judgmental_? Coming from _you_?”

“I said a little. Compared to me, he’s a kitty cat romping in the sweet spring air. Also, I didn’t finish. A little judgmental, but he’s an actor, and they all are. You could do worse. Go for it.”

“So you’ll help me?”

“What?”

“Fake date me?”

“No!”

“Why not?”

“It’s ridiculous. It doesn’t work in real life. It’s a jackass move in dramas as it is, because the person being _duped_ thinks it’s real and goes ahead and _steals_ someone else’s boyfriend or girlfriend.”

“If they haven’t been dating that long, and it’s not openly declared exclusive dating, it’s not a total jackass move.”

“My fingers are itching to yank your hair out.”

“Shouldn’t it be yours? If you’re frustrated?”

“No! My hair is short, yours is long, and if I yanked hard enough, maybe I could yank the whole stupid idea out of your head.”

“It _could_ work.”

“Hyunjin,” Yeosang took a deep breath. “Even in _dramas_ , lots of times it’s the people who are fake-dating who wind up falling for each other and that is _not_ a goal.”

“Why would you even say that? It’s such a…ew. No.”

“We agree on one thing.”

“Which is why it would work! You wouldn’t fall for me, I wouldn’t fall for you!”

“Oh my God. No, Hyunjin. It’s reckless, stupid, inappropriate, and weird.”

“It could help you in your writing.”

“How?” Yeosang demanded.

“You’re writing for the stage right now, but you might wind up writing screenplays. You wouldn’t turn down any offer that let you write stories. And they still do use contract engagements and things like that in dramas! So you could, you know, use this as a real-life reference point.”

“No.”

“What could it hurt? If it doesn’t work…it doesn’t work. But it might! If he likes me enough to talk to me over the summer so much, he _could_ be interested, but maybe the only way he’d realize it, is if he thought he was losing his chance!”

“No. No. No. No. No.”

Hyunjin paused and tilted his head. “Is there someone you wouldn’t want thinking you’re unavailable?”

“Someone I wouldn’t…? There’d have to be someone interested in me, _and_ I’d have to be aware of that, _and_ I’d have to have some sort of reciprocal interest for that to be an issue.”

“So why does it matter? Just for, like, a month or so? Until the first club competition.”

“No.”

“We could do a duet together. You _know_ that’d catch everyone’s eyes.”

“Don’t.”

“We could use it against them. They’d never see it coming. They’d be focused on the wrong thing, and then they’d _see_ you.”

“Wouldn’t happen.” He looked away briefly. “I don’t get noticed.”

“You made it through auditions. You’ve had dance lessons for over a decade. You are just as good, if not much better, than most people in the damn club—they just won’t see it, but we could _make them_ , Yeosang. We’d find something that’d make it crystal clear we are _both_ of us more than our faces.”

“That’s your bargaining chip? A chance to be _seen_ , in exchange for weeks of pretending to date you? God, Hyunjin. Tying something you know—you know I’ve always wanted, to doing something for you. Better for you never to have thought of it. Any of it.” He shoved his books into his backpack and slung it on his shoulder, bounded up and started walking away. Fuck. Just…fuck.

“Yeosang! Dammit, stop!”

He refused to run, so of course he had to abruptly halt when his friend’s tall, lanky frame darted in front of him. He stared at Hyunjin in silence.

“I didn’t mean it to sound like that. I’d never thought of it before. A duet, you and me. It just leapt into my mind, something…something sexy and powerful, which you _never_ do, and we _could_ , together, especially if people thought we were an actual…item.” He flung his hands out sideways. “They’d just…they’d be all about…the ‘two visuals’ dating, and they’d be focused on _that_ , not even prepared for what was about to hit them. We could use all their prejudices _against them_. You’ve been in that club for three full terms, and they’re still blind to you. I’m sorry, so sorry, I made it seem I’d only do it as a return favor. It isn’t fair how they don’t see the stories you tell with your body, not even your _friends_ make the effort to help—.” He cut himself off.

That hurt more because it was true. His two closest friends in college only danced together or with other people. Even the first term of their first year, when it’d just been him and Wooyoung, his best friend from birth, almost, it hadn’t crossed either of their minds to challenge what they’d gotten used to: dance classes and recitals where Yeosang only made a brief appearance in front, then was circulated to the back of the group. Not that he was lacking in talent, the instructors had explained, just that the others were better, their facial expressions more vivid. Only when they needed an eye-catching moment, “something beautiful,” did the choreo include him being near the center. Or if there was floorwork no one else wanted to tackle—he’d always grabbed at those parts. Made that his thing. He knew he was good at it. He was good at all of it.

He’d worked on expressions, but it was hard, because it felt too awkward to practice in front of Wooyoung, and at home…more awkward, still. Then San joined the dance club the second term of their first year, and though he didn’t have near as much dance training, he had enough, plus inhuman flexibility and a natural gift. It made sense, he’d thought with resignation, that they’d join up their third term in college, earlier this year. And they’d wowed everyone. They’d probably pair up again, this fall, and win again.

Hyunjin was one of the most graceful people he’d ever seen. Graceful, but also sharp. His solo number in spring had gotten a lot of applause. Yeosang didn’t want to think back to the dutiful clapping he and quite a few others received. He hadn’t done anything out of the ordinary. He wouldn’t know how, not alone. And no one…his heart sank a little as he thought of his friends, no one had ever offered to help. Maybe they thought he was happy as he was? Maybe…maybe even they didn’t think he was capable. That…was a truly awful thought. He swallowed the lump in his throat.

“I forgive you. You’re the first friend—the first person, ever, to make that kind of offer. It’s odd, isn’t it? We get _noticed_ , sure, but not for what we want. Not in dance, anyway. I’m glad you’re getting more confident and relaxed in your studies. And I get good marks in mine. That’ll have to be enough.”

“It doesn’t,” Hyunjin said insistently. “I’ve _had_ the idea now, so we can do it.”

What would actually change if they pretended they were dating? For a month or so? He didn’t care what people thought of him, and with them both knowing it wasn’t real, it wouldn’t wreck their friendship. He didn’t think it’d work, but maybe some people were like Hyunjin, and really would fall for it, would try to grab hold to what seemed in danger of disappearing. If it didn’t work, it didn’t work. If it did, that’d be interesting.

“Okay. Okay. I don’t care who among our friends thinks we’re a real _thing_ , but don’t you dare caption any picture of me in Instagram with dating words, for the month I’ll give you. It’d make a ‘break-up’ look really weird. Like you were invested, instead of us…just…trying something. Which isn’t…unbelievable for some people, I guess.”

“Whoa. Wait. You’re agreeing? Fake dating?”

“Stop calling it that. It’ll make it harder to pretend it’s real. It’s just…a story we’re telling. Like a short story, not a novel.”

“A prelude,” Hyunjin breathed, a bright smile taking over his face. “We think of it as a prelude, leading up to the first club competition.”

“I suppose it’d better be something sexy, since I’m assuming you’ll invite your _crush_. After dropping hints for the weeks prior that there’s this pretty boy you’re seeing, maybe he’ll be curious enough to come watch, and if it’s sexy, well, the prelude could be irrelevant. He could just be knocked down by seeing _you_ dance.” He laughed.

He’d seen the bits of choreography Hyunjin had created at his home, over the summer. If he’d seen Hyunjin as more than a friend, he’d have asked him out after the first clip. Stories told with bodies, that’s what dance was, and Hyunjin was a really good storyteller. Different from Wooyoung and San, but just as powerful. He should change his contact ID to something more appropriate. His three unbelievably talented friends.

“I would never refer to you as a pretty boy.”

“Aren’t I?”

“Not the point. I wouldn’t describe you like that. You know I wouldn’t.”

He sounded hurt. Yeosang sighed. “I know. I’m sorry. But the dance club will say it. Or something like it. ‘The two visuals dating.’ You gonna be okay with that?”

Hyunjin grimaced. “As much as you’ll be. Anyway, it won’t matter as much, after we destroy everyone else.”

“I don’t know that we can do _that_.” There were actual dance majors in the dance club.

“Maybe not normally, but if _you’re_ making the story up? And the both of us act it out? Compared to just the regular cover dances?”

That was a thought. The first friendly competition had to be a direct cover of or heavily inspired by choreography a K-pop artist or group had performed. If they went with inspired by….

“Oooooh. Ideas already?”

“Possibly. Something I’m trying to remember,” he said slowly. “I’ll think of it. I’m, um, going to need help with expressions. Better than I used to be, but…you know.”

“Find a piece for us you can feel confident in, but make it different, Yeosang. Then we’ll figure out the details.”

“I got that. You want to impress Lee Minho.”

“There’s that, but you’ve gotta get out of your comfort zone if we want those idiots to _see_.”

“I’m already out of my comfort zone,” he retorted. “Dating _you_ as a prelude. It’s so weird.”

“Not too weird, really. The only things that have to change…a little skinship, and a change in…how comfortable we seem together. People will assume the rest.”

“They will, won’t they? The looks on their faces.” He snorted.

“Everyone has to believe it’s real. No telling your best friend. Or San.”

“You can’t tell Changbin or Felix. Or any of your other friends.”

“None of your others, either!”

“Understood. You realize you’ll have to be the one who asked me out, right?”

“Because you’re as oblivious as a tree stump? Yeah. You know, Changbin and I both dyed our hair blond as a joke. Don’t really remember why. But I can add on that I wanted to catch your attention.”

Yeosang groaned. “That sounds terrible. But…believable. In a hideous way. Light hair, dark hair. Taller and shorter. Something about that. Tip of my tongue. Oh. Speaking of that. Do _not_ kiss me. I cannot fake that.”

“I wish you hadn’t put that thought in my mind.” Hyunjin made a face. “Skinship and all is one thing. Kissing you? No.”

“And yet we’re both completely fine with a sexy duet. Guess that makes us almost pros.”

“Not pros if we’re late to the first meet-up.”

“Oh, hell.”

*****

They weren’t late. Which was perfect. Gave Yeosang time to hide the amusement he felt at the stares and whispers. Who knew letting Hyunjin lean against him, as they sat on the floor near the back wall, would be enough to set off the rumor mill?

“It’s starting to ache, not being able to laugh,” he whispered.

Hyunjin smiled so widely, his eyes almost closed. “Enjoy it…baby.”

“I will throw up in your lovely hair if you call me that again.” He kept his voice soft. “My hair’s always been black, so it’s a guess, but I don’t think that’d be a helpful treatment after bleaching and dyeing.”

“I’m older than you by three months.”

“But born in the same year.”

“How do you think your friends will react? The dynamic duo?”

“Startled. But it’s not like I tell them everything.” Like how he wished one of them had made the offer to dance with him. He understood why they hadn’t, but it still hurt.

When they walked in, a couple minutes later, their reactions were beyond what he’d anticipated. Shock, pure shock. They stopped talking and laughing and were just _staring_. It was priceless.

“Wow,” Hyunjin murmured. “They’re the best yet.”

“Stop,” Yeosang hissed. “I’m barely keeping the act up.”

“Poor baby.”

“Hyunjin,” he said warningly. “Your hair.”

“Empty threat, and you know it.”

He sighed. “At least keep it to a minimum. If you’re too sweet, this fast, then suddenly drop it all in a month, it’ll look…not great.” He watched as Wooyoung and San sat several yards away, a slight frown on his face. There was some room next to the two of them. Why were they sitting far away? Maybe it really was shock? He’d find out in the group chat later.

“People start and stop dating all the time. Things only look bad when they end on bad notes. Since we know this’ll end friendly, what’s the harm? Plus, since I asked you out, I probably _pined_ over you all summer. Silently. So wouldn’t I be thrilled to call you…baby?”

“Flirt.”

“So I’ve been told.”

“Yet you can’t be this confident with the person you really like?”

He felt his friend’s body stiffen briefly, then relax.

“He’s not you or Changbin.”

“You flirt with Changbin?”

“I tease, maybe.”

“Better be careful. He’s San’s roommate.”

“Forgot about that.”

“Uh-huh. Club president speech time.”

A few sentences in, Yeosang tuned her out. Same basic talk every term. Explaining the solo or duo competition at the end of the first month, then the larger group competition two months later. What _was_ the duet he could just picture in his mind? It’d been…last year? At least, he’d seen it last year, but when was it actually from? Who was the group? He was brought back to the present by a tap on his shoulder.

“Hm?”

“She’s taking down names for the end of the month performances. Remember the song yet?”

“No, but I will.”

“Choi San and Jung Wooyoung.” The student smiled as she noted them down. “Aiming to win again?”

“Always!” Wooyoung shot back, with a grin.

“Don’t forget—you can’t use the same idol or idol group twice in a row.”

“I remember,” he called back.

“Idiot,” Yeosang said fondly.

“Why is he an idiot?”

He turned his head to face Hyunjin. “If Wooyoung gets a paper cut, the red blood is an illusion. He bleeds purple, as the saying goes. First term, first year, BTS song solo. Second term, first year, he tried the same—got scolded, since he was trying to claim the song before anyone else could.”

“He and San won with a variation on ‘Fake Love’ in spring, though.”

“Because neither performed to BTS last fall, which means they can’t this term, either. They did great, though, didn’t they? Charismatic and Magnetic.”

“I guess they were,” Hyunjin said slowly, “it was all a bit…much, that being my first term in the dance club.”

He remembered that, the day Hyunjin had walked in. His audition. People quickly approaching afterwards, to introduce themselves, saying how handsome he was, he’d add to the club’s visual appeal. He’d seen the flash of unhappiness in the then-stranger’s face, and known it for what it was. Had stopped talked to Wooyoung and San, and pushed his way through the small crowd to congratulate him on the smoothness of his performance. He’d kept chattering, and pulling him away from the others, ignoring the comments thrown his way, as well. Hadn’t returned to Wooyoung and San. They didn’t know what it was like to be seen first for your face, your talents spoken of second. Sometimes a far second.

“Kang Yeosang?” the club president called out, her voice full of curiosity.

“Kang Yeosang and Hwang Hyunjin,” he called back.

“I see. Looking forward to your duet.”

He bet they were.

“Charismatic and Magnetic are how I have them saved in my phone, actually. Which reminds me, I need to change your contact ID.” He’d dropped his cell into a zippered backpack compartment earlier. Retrieving it, he pulled up the list of names and scrolled. “Until today, you’ve been saved by your name, but now….” He typed in the new ID and saved it, then flipped the phone around to show Hyunjin.

“Hypnotic?”

“When you dance, you are. Especially that last choreographed piece you sent me. The longer one.” The warmth in Hyunjin’s eyes, and the happy laugh from such a simple, truthful compliment. Against all rational odds, he hoped their prelude _did_ cause Lee Minho to react in a…positive way. If not him, then someone better. He _had_ to remember that song.

*****  
We3

**KangYS:**  
You two left the club in a hurry.  
Assignments already?  
Not that I can say I’m exempt.  
I was studying before, with Hyunjin.

**Charismatic:**  
Hyunjin.  
That’s…new.

Wooyoung choosing his words carefully. That was new, too. Prelude in the chat!

**KangYS:**  
It is.  
Wasn’t expecting it at all.  
Me, dating a friend?  
But he’s charming and sweet.  
Difficult to resist.  
Will it last?  
Don’t know.  
He keeps calling me “baby.”  
Can you believe that?  
Me.  
“Baby.”  
Makes me want to hit him.

**Magnetic:**  
Baby?  
That’s not really you.

**KangYS:**  
I know!  
He’d better use my damn name more often.  
Or I _will_ hit him.

**Charismatic:**  
You can’t throw a punch for shit.

**KangYS:**  
Did I say I’d hit him with my fist?  
No.  
I’ll whack him with a textbook.  
If I have to.  
Have you two decided on a cover dance yet?

**Magnetic:**  
Baby Don’t Stop with Ten and Taeyong.

**KangYS:**  
Sexy again.  
Why am I not surprised?  
Good choice, though.

**Charismatic:**  
You and Hyunjin picked a song?

**KangYS:**  
Oh, he told me to choose.  
I can picture it.  
Must have seen it on Twitter.  
Part of it?  
But it feels somehow more recently familiar.  
Oh! I got it! It was a concert special stage thing.  
Dancing.  
Familiar because I’m pretty sure  
same singer for the song  
Hyunjin choreographed a piece to!

**Charismatic:**  
He choreographs?  
He’s not a dance major.  
Didn’t you say he only had a few years of  
dance class, before college?

**KangYS:**  
Same thing with San.  
Natural ability plus determination are amazing,  
aren’t they?  
Need to see if there are fancams.  
Be back later.

**Magnetic:**  
Fancams?  
Which song is it?

**KangYS:**  
Shhh.  
I’m watching one now.

Sounded like the same singer. He checked his e-mail. That last, longer piece. The reason he’d changed Hyunjin’s contact ID to Hypnotic. Charlie Puth, “Attention.” And this stage…he saved the video, then did a search. Oh. Original choreography was for one person. They must have changed it when they went overseas. Charlie Puth, “How Long.” Crisp, smooth, sharp, Hyungwon was amazing. He went back to the fancam. Well, there was the fanservice element…or two…or three. Some of that would be much too much for a university dance club, but most of it…wow. Hyungwon was tall and lanky, like Hyunjin. And I.M was shorter. Like him. If they could pull off half, or even a quarter of the intensity of this cover dance…. He took a deep breath. It’d work better, people thinking they were dating.

**KangYS:**  
I remembered it, Hyunjin.  
There’s an original choreo video.  
But they adapted it, so, well….  
Watch it first, since we’ll have to  
tone down some elements from  
the concert performance or we will get  
in _trouble_. Like kicked out trouble.

**Hypnotic:**  
Knowing what to search for?  
Would be nice.

**KangYS:**  
I was _getting there_!  
You said outside my comfort zone.  
You said sexy and powerful.  
They’re idols, from a group famous for both.  
All we’ve got are fancams.  
Some are steadier than others.  
But anyway…look up MONSTA X How Long  
Hyungwon and I.M. on YouTube.

We3

**KangYS:**  
Back. Had to text Hyunjin.  
Have to change some parts.  
Don’t want to be thrown out of dance club.  
MONSTA X members Hyungwon and I.M  
original choreo to “How Long”  
by Charlie Puth.  
Remembered it because the piece  
Hyunjin choreographed?  
Was to Charlie Puth’s “Attention.”  
Need to go study the fancams and make notes.  
You two have it so much easier!  
Dance practice, music video, and live stages!

*****  
Wooyoung

**JungWY:**  
San…

**Artist2:**  
I’m watching.  
One of the fancams.

**JungWY:**  
Okay.  
_(read)_  


**Artist2:**  
Not only is he dating Hyunjin.  
Not just that.  
They’re going to dance.  
They’re going to cover _that_.  
Damn it.

**JungWY:**  
Which…fancam did you watch?

**Artist2:**  
One from Chicago.  
Why?

**JungWY:**  
Don’t watch other ones.

**Artist2:**  
_Why_?

**JungWY:**  
They amped up the fanservice.  
On other ones.  
There’s no point in torturing yourself.  
They’ll have to alter several parts.  
Or they _would_ get kicked out.  
_(read)_  
Shit.

**Artist2:**  
Why?  
Why _that choreo_?  
Why Hyunjin?  
What did Hyunjin say to convince him?

**JungWY:**  
I don’t know.  
It might not last.  
He said it might not.  
I mean—baby?  
He’s not…that’s not Yeosang.

**Artist2:**  
Has the Yeosang you’ve known  
your whole life ever shown any interest  
in covering a performance that relies so much  
on…I don’t know what to call it.  
Seduction. Sex. Sex appeal.  
Whatever Hyunjin said to him?  
That convinced him to _date him_ , a couple hours  
after the three of us had lunch?  
He was _single then_.  
Whatever he said to him…  
I don’t want to know.  
I just wish it’d been me.

**JungWY:**  
You could’ve tried.  
After he broke up with that guy last year.  
Waited a month or whatever, but…

**Artist2:**  
Yeah.  
That seemed like an option.  
After he spent several weeks saying how  
_glad_ he was that he had two _friends_ like us,  
two people he could rely on.  
Pointless now.  
They’ll be rehearsing it.  
Performing it in front of an audience.  
Don’t know how else people could say:  
really attracted to this person.  
I can’t even hate him.  
Hyunjin’s always seemed nice.  
From the few times we talked in the club.  
From what Changbin’s said.  
From what Yeosang’s said.  
And I guess we’ll find out soon.  
For ourselves.  
Next step in dating.  
Interactions with friends.  
He’d _better_ be nice to Yeosang.

**JungWY:**  
San….  
Sigh.

*****  
Yeosang

**KangYS:**  
So?  
What do you think?  
Same singer you did that choreo to.

**Hypnotic:**  
I’m…surprised?

**KangYS:**  
Why?

**Hypnotic:**  
Even if we tone it down…  
it’s pretty fucking sexy.  
Didn’t think you’d pick something so…  
obvious.

**KangYS:**  
That’s only one take.  
But tone it down, create a story?  
It can be inspired by, doesn’t have to be exact.  
So what we change? Tells how _we_  
see the story.  
Well. Me.

**Hypnotic:**  
Hit me with it.

**KangYS:**  
Each fancam I watched from a different city?  
Was a little different.  
Like it’s choreographed to look in sync and separate.  
But then they face each other.  
Then pull away.  
Then it becomes…magnetic?  
Getting closer but not touching.  
Close with those body rolls, but  
then they jump past each other, like  
they _have_ to be farther apart,  
switching sides of the stage,  
in this story they’re telling.  
But the _pull_ is too strong, and  
they slow down, one in front of the other,  
and I.M’s character is like,  
fuck it, when he drops the jacket.  
It’s difficult to tell who’s really leading the hand movement.  
Or who _wants_ the physical contact.  
But then they pull apart again and it gets  
hyper intense leading up to that fast  
hand/wrist spinning—but then!  
Throwing a hand up into the air, like…surrender?  
Then collapsing. Because it’s too much.  
And their faces? Lots of mixed expressions.  
A sort of fierce concentration.  
A sort of irresistible pull.  
Like the hand gliding over his body is desired but also  
too much, again.  
The end feels like frustration. Sort of.  
It’s tricky with fancams and bad angles and all that.  
Do you think we could pull it off?  
With even just a quarter of their intensity?  
_(read)_

**Hypnotic:**  
After reading what you wrote.  
And I read it several times.  
All I can think of to say right now.  
Is you’re underestimating both of us.  
Reading their bodies like that?  
That’s a scenario.  
Your scenario, inspired by their choreo.  
Forget trying to match part of their intensity.  
That exact choreo has an unknown story.  
So we can’t.  
But can we create something intense  
and compelling, with your interpretation?  
As a basis?  
Hell, yes.

*****

“Jung Wooyoung, what the absolute fuck?” Yeosang jumped up from their patch of grass, dropping the sketchpad he’d been handed, and bolted after his giggling friend, already running away. “Coward!” he yelled at the retreating figure, only stopping when he saw the pink hair disappear into the campus convenience store. Scowling, he stomped back to where they’d been sprawled out. San was _still_ laughing. He ignored him, and reached into his backpack for the book he’d been reading yesterday. He paused for a second. He’d really agreed to it, hadn’t he? Fake dating. He shook his head. _Prelude_. A month-long prelude.

He flipped to the page he’d marked and began to read again. Set designers, lighting designers, costumers, they could all influence a lot of what the audience understood. Actors and directors, as well, of course. But if the play’s stage directions said character A sat down abruptly, it was as much a part of the performance as the words that character said, and neither could be altered. It was important. So if they were doing this…prelude…he’d have to be careful to stay in character: himself, but himself _actually_ dating Hyunjin. He had to stop thinking about it as weird or fake. Just let it _be_ , for a month. Maybe even have fun with it. His lips quirked. It _had_ been entertaining, watching people assume and react.

“What’s funny?” San asked lazily.

“Hm?”

“Something you’re reading? You smiled out of nowhere.”

“Just thinking about yesterday.” What would all those faces look like when the group split off to practice their pieces in different areas of the giant rehearsal room? They’d only see bits and pieces, but soon as he told the club president their selection, some people would look it up online. They’d probably think it impossible, especially for him. It’d be amazing if he could knock that thinking away forever. 

“Yesterday,” San said flatly. “You and Hyunjin.”

“Yeah. Sort of.” He shrugged. His phone pinged and he looked around—where’d it gone to?

“Here.” San handed it over. “I grabbed it when you went after Wooyoung.”

“Oh. Thanks.” He smiled at him, then looked down. “Ah…you spoke him into existence.”

“Wooyoung?”

“No. Hyunjin.”

**Hypnotic:**  
Where are you?  
I told Changbin. Had to, since he rooms  
with San, and it’d be normal, anyway.  
Don’t think he quite believes me.  
So if you’re on campus, I’m dragging him to you.

**KangYS:**  
He doesn’t trust your lie.  
Shocking.  
San and I are near the convenience store.  
Well. Not far from it. On the grass.  
I’m waiting for Wooyoung’s  
apology Americano.

**Hypnotic:**  
Apology what?

**KangYS:**  
You’ll see when you get here.

“He wanted to know where I was. Changbin’s having trust issues.” He tsked. “Even if he didn’t believe Hyunjin, he’d believe you, wouldn’t he? Or did you not mention it? I guess no reason why you would.”

“No, I told him. In passing.” San stared at him. “It _is_ true, isn’t it? You’re dating him?”

Technically, right now, he was. Not really _real_ dating, but a variation on a theme wasn’t an actual lie.

“Yes. I am. Are _you_ doubting _me_?”

San sighed. “Just making sure I hadn’t misunderstood. You seemed so surprised, yourself…. I don’t know.”

“I _was_ surprised. Part of the reason he changed his hair was to catch my attention. His exact words. Little cringe-y.”

“We all changed our hair this summer. Except for you.”

“Yeah, what’s with that? Did you make a pact? Wooyoung, pink. You, platinum. Jongho, ash grey.”

“Summer,” he mumbled. “Seemed fun. The pink is fading already. Ash grey isn’t too startling.”

“And your platinum? What’ll you do when the roots show up more?”

“Don’t know. What’ll Hyunjin do?”

“Wasn’t something I thought to ask him yesterday.”

“No. I guess not.” San plucked at a blade of grass.

“I can ask him, though.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Because he and your roomie are almost on top of us. Hyunjin-ah!”

The tall blond’s face lit up with a smile. He outpaced Changbin and settled on the ground next to Yeosang.

“Yes, baby?”

“What did I say about that word? Limited. Usage.”

“Fine.” Hyunjin rolled his eyes. “You had a question?”

“Yeah. What’ll you do when your roots grow in?”

“Whatever you want me to do.”

Changbin groaned. “Stop, please. I believe you.”

Well, that was easy.

“A crowd. And I only bought three drinks.” Wooyoung handed out the bottles. “My apologies, prince of heaven.”

“Why…?”

Yeosang pointed at the nearby sketchbook, and opened his drink.

Hyunjin leaned forward and peered at the drawing, his brows knit together. “This is…your face. But not…not even remotely your body.”

“No. Being an artist’s muse isn’t always what people expect.” He took a few drinks. Bitter but cold. He’d gotten used to it.

“A what?”

“A muse,” Wooyoung declared defiantly. “Yeosang is _my_ muse. My loved, adored, perfect muse.”

“You drew my face with the body of a zombie sea serpent. You don’t love me, you loathe me, you ass.”

“I do, too, love you! I have, my entire life!”

“Because our mothers went to college together. The first picture of you with anyone other than family was of the two of us, as babies.”

“And I loved you, then.”

“Because I was too young to roll over and squish you.”

“Rude.”

“Truthful.”

“Wooyoung,” San’s voice was uneven. “Give it up. You never win.”

“Hmph.”

“You and San,” Hyunjin cleared his throat, “you’re both fine arts majors, right?”

“Yeah.” Wooyoung opened his drink and took a sip.

“Why would you draw Yeosang—your _muse_ with…with the deformed body of a sea beast?”

“He’s sick in the head.”

“I am not!” He recapped his drink and set it down firmly.

“Zombie sea serpent,” Yeosang said patiently to Hyunjin, “is only the latest in a series of creative outbursts. Should we list them?” he asked, turning to San.

“I think the first one he showed me in class was your face attached to a house. That was slightly startling.”

“That’s so _mild_. The crumbling sphinx. The drifting iceberg. The _dinosaurs_.”

“No!” San laughed. “Don’t remind me of the dinosaurs.”

Changbin shot Wooyoung a quizzical look. “Dinosaurs. Plural.”

“Oh, yes. My face on a pterodactyl. My face on a T-Rex. My face on one of those huge dinosaurs with extremely long necks. All on the same page, like a very strange proposed photo shoot.”

“You’re making me sound _weird_.”

“Because you are weird. I still love you, though.” He quickly shoved his drink at Hyunjin, who caught hold right before Wooyoung tackled him in a hug.

“Love you, love you, love you, Yeosang-ah!”

“I know.” He patted him on the back.

Wooyoung returned to where he was sitting, beaming.

“It was in dance class one day,” he announced.

“Oh, God.”

“I’m making sure Changbin and Hyunjin _understand_ , Yeosang.”

“I want my drink back first. I’ll need the bitter to cut the upcoming rush of sweet.” The Americano was handed back to him. “Thank you.”

“ _As I was saying_ , it was in dance class one day, in middle school, that I realized Yeosang is beautiful. I hadn’t really paid attention before, but right about then, I was getting into art. I’d seen the traditional paintings, and I loved them, but I didn’t want to stick to the rules. Abstract art, though—I loved that more than dance. So I begged for lessons. But you can’t just start with abstract. You have to learn the basics.” He sighed heavily.

“Like it even took you that long. You’re annoyingly good at most creative arts.”

“The fewer interruptions, Kang Yeosang, the faster I’m done.”

“Oh, well. Continue.”

“ _After_ I learned enough to start to draw people, I drew my family, and that was fine, but dance class. I don’t remember what we were learning, but Yeosang was so focused, he looked beautiful. I had to draw him. And then…I kept drawing him. Even though we went to different schools, our families were close, so we saw each other a lot. I got older, I got into pastels, charcoal, mixed media. I could create _anything_ , and it was so amazing—until I’d get stuck. It is _hellish_ , having an empty page staring at you, and your brain is just as blank. It was the weekend, at my house, Yeosang was over, playing video games, and I thought, well, I can always draw him. So I did. Started with his face, because…he looks so unreal, but he _is_ real. I always have to be careful so I don’t overdo it. And then I looked at the video game he’d paused—and gave him Mario’s body. And it was _wild_. I loved it. I had _ideas_ again. So many ideas I had to write them down. Been like that since then. So he’s my muse.”

“You draw his face, because he’s beautiful, and then give him strange or ugly bodies?” Hyunjin asked carefully.

Yeosang winced. It did sound like that. “It’s okay. I look like what I look like, and if it’s useful to a friend, that’s fine. When he gets stuck, I’m happy I can help.”

“And you do! When I feel like I can’t…do anything, anymore, if I can draw you…I don’t know how to say it.” He looked anxiously between Hyunjin and Changbin. “Trying to draw someone lovely, it’s peaceful, and that feeling of never being good enough goes away, and art isn’t stressful, it’s what I love, again. And I get ideas again.”

“I guess I get that.” Changbin commented. “Film production…they won’t let us do much, yet, but we see so many clips, and class discussions are about what’s good, or bad. Like last term, there was a class, we spent half our time debating how scenes would look with different lighting, natural or artificial. If the weather had been different. If they’d positioned the actors differently. Did the director emphasize the most important points, to make the story more alive? And some days, I had nothing. Just stared at the scene replay and felt…lost. Maybe I should have chosen music production instead, I thought, those days. But then sometimes there’d be a click, and I could think of options. Maybe they were good, or bad, but I got it again, and I was…happy again.”

Hyunjin bit his lip, looked at the ground, then up at Wooyoung. “I get it, too, but…do you ever help Yeosang?”

“How could I help Yeosang? I mean, if he wants to base a character off me, that’s fine, and he can make it crazy or weird or whatever he wants, but…I don’t know how I could actually help him, otherwise?”

He had to stop this. Before things he didn’t want talked about, got talked about. Wooyoung and San and dance club…. And Changbin was here, too. Not a stranger, but…he didn’t know anything about any of it. None of them would understand.

“Hyunjin.” His friend’s eyes snapped to him. “Want some of my drink? It’s not cold anymore, but it’s cool.” He held the bottle out. He watched the other’s mouth twist a little, in understanding, and relaxed when the drink was taken. The past was—mostly—the past.

“When too many people are around, the indirect kiss. Cute.”

“Changbin,” Wooyoung hissed.

*****  
Wooyoung

 **JungWY:**  
So, Changbin now knows not to mess with you.

**MyMuse:**  
I only hit him once.

**JungWY:**  
With a book.

**MyMuse:**  
It wasn’t my heaviest book.

**JungWY:**  
It wasn’t a paperback.

**MyMuse:**  
He annoyed me.  
I don’t know enough about him  
to judge _his_ life choices.  
Book seemed next best option.

 **JungWY** :  
I don’t think he’ll overstep again.

**MyMuse:**  
Good.  
It was way too personal.

**JungWY:**  
Maybe not for Hyunjin…

**MyMuse:**  
His past is his past.  
Not going to question it.  
I don’t do cutesy.  
I don’t do PDA.  
We’re fine.

**JungWY:**  
I know.  
I got it.  
We all…got it.  
But, um, speaking of public…

**MyMuse:**  
Yes?

**JungWY:**  
Are you really going to tell the club  
president, tomorrow, that the two of  
you are covering _that_ song?  
It’s…well, a quick kiss in front of friends?  
That’s nothing compared to that dance,  
in front of dozens.  
Because you know people invite their  
friends, to cheer them on.  
Are you…gonna be able to do that?

**MyMuse:**  
….  
Quick question.  
Are you asking this because you don’t think  
I’m _capable_ of dancing that cover?

**JungWY:**  
Honestly?  
I don’t know?  
Never seen you dance to something like that before.  
You’ve done more complicated  
routines, I think.

**MyMuse:**  
Maybe.  
As part of a group.  
Though mostly near the back.  
But they’re idols.  
Their group is _known_ for complicated,  
intense, sexy, all that.  
Anyway, we’ll be altering several parts.  
What works at their concerts will _not_  
go over well at university dance club.

**JungWY:**  
Sexy.  
You’re really…comfortable enough  
with Hyunjin to do a cover like that?

**MyMuse:**  
For fuck’s sake, Wooyoung.  
You think every duet in history is performed  
by people who like each other?  
Really doubt it.  
We dance because we love _dancing_.  
Because we want to tell a story.  
Hyunjin is extremely talented.  
And I’m not bad, myself, am I?  
Leave it alone.  
We’ve already decided.

*****

**JungWY:**  
I tried.

**Artist2:**  
Tried what?

**JungWY:**  
I tried to persuade Yeosang  
to reconsider their dance choice.

**Artist2:**  
Why?

**JungWY:**  
I didn’t want you to have to watch it.

**Artist2:**  
They’re _dating_ , Wooyoung.  
I got that.  
I missed my chance.  
If I ever had one.  
They can do…whatever,  
so long as they cut some of the  
choreo that’s too, too much.  
I don’t want them getting into trouble.

**JungWY:**  
You realize if we don’t practice near them,  
it’ll look weird to Yeosang.  
When he did his solo numbers,  
we were within range.  
Even shared one of the smaller studios  
a little later.

**Artist2:**  
Oh.  
You’re right.  
We’re the supportive friends.  
Yeah….

**JungWY:**  
Maybe seeing them rehearse,  
it won’t be as difficult,  
to watch the full performance, later?  
And! We can help, maybe!  
Make sure they change enough  
they don’t get yelled at,  
or embarrassed.

**Artist2:**  
It might make it easier, I guess…  
but not so on board with suggestions.  
He’s a good dancer  
They’re both good.

**JungWY:**  
You think I don’t know that?  
It was so _irritating_ , growing up,  
how instructors always put Yeosang  
towards the back.  
And nobody else in the whole academy  
could do floorwork like him.  
But still!

**Artist2:**  
Those were their mistakes.  
You couldn’t make instructors  
do anything different.

**JungWY:**  
I know…just always wish I could’ve done something.

*****  
Yeosang

“No,” Hyunjin said. “Let’s go back to a fancam. I hate that this doesn’t have a well-lit stage and a dance practice. I mean, it makes it a more creative choice—the club president’s face was so confused—but still.”

Yeosang settled on the floor, picking up his phone from where he’d placed it on top of his bag. “Which one?”

“That Chicago one. Shows more footwork than the rest.” Hyunjin sat next to him, adjusting his headband.

“Yeah, precious little of that shown. Okay…and volume down.” They hunched over the screen.

“Crossing, crossing, traveling a little…kick, cross, hop…then they spin around shortly after to the ass grabbing, which we are _not_ doing.”

“Hell, no.”

“The kicks after, when they spin back to the audience, I love those, but we can’t use them, since we’re not rotating to begin with.”

“No, but that’s a good little time chunk with them not facing the audience. What to replace it with?” Hyunjin tapped his lip. “I mean, it’s fanservice, but it also adds to the delay in any physical contact. They really only touch with the hand gliding part, everything before is building the tension toward that. So instead…. You got the beat in your head?”

“Yeah.”

“Let’s play around.” Hyunjin bounced up.

“Okay.” He replaced the phone and grabbed the offered hand, let himself be pulled up. “The only thing that sucks when everyone is practicing together is we all only get a tiny bit of mirror.”

“At least the whole room is lined with them. One and two and three and four….”

“Hips, Hyunjin.”

That got him a side-eye. “I know, _baby_.”

Yeosang stuck his tongue out at their reflections.

“Trying to tempt me?”

Yeosang slipped and almost fell, he was laughing so hard.

“Hey.” He caught his breath, smiling. “The original choreo, remember. The video of it. Hyungwon spun around, but then he was pushing off with his feet, and it sent a jolting movement with the hip swaying, shoulders moving. His hands stayed at his side. I think. That shirt was so big. We could use that part of the original choreo—and then we could use the leg swings and footwork to spin back around!”

“That…that’d work, yeah. Pass me your phone?”

Hyunjin studied the video, paused it, mimicked the movements, shook his head, and replayed it. “There’s so much we’re not seeing. I’ll try, you say if it’s shit or not—here’s the phone back.”

Yeosang took a few steps back. He saw Wooyoung and San out of the corner of his eyes. Taking another break? Really? Were they _that_ confident?

“Okay, so,” Hyunjin hummed the music, and, well, it looked a little different, but the original choreo was still staccato enough it worked. He spun around with the cross-kicks, and _oh_ , absolutely.

“ _Yes_. That. That’s perfect. Perfectly…hypnotic.” He grinned.

“You’re biased.”

“Only for talent. Which you have a lot of.”

“Hard work. But thank you. Let’s practice.”

So they did, over and over. The slides, the kicks, the hips, the little hop, the spin, the controlled shifting of flow from foot to shoulder and side to side, the spin back with the cross-kicks and sliding towards each other sideways.

“Break,” Yeosang said, chest heaving. “Water.” He tossed a bottle to Hyunjin and picked his phone up again, walked toward him. “If I sit right now, I won’t want to get up.”

He got a thumbs up as the other gulped down water. They’d have to work on arms and upper body movements next time…and expressions last…but first, they should probably figure out which other parts to change. He capped his bottle and set it on the floor.

“Okay, from when they lean their backs towards each other, I think that’s when the whole push-pull becomes more obvious.”

“Them turning around and pointing at each other, then backing away fast, yeah. More charged. They spin like they’re dizzy.”

“They might _be_ dizzy,” Yeosang said pointedly. “It’s not a slow dance for a special stage, and it’s part of a whole concert.”

“Either way, it looks good, like it’s getting to them, being close but not close enough. Dizzying. Right before the spin is the first time they make sustained eye contact. Then just seconds later—.” He did a body roll. “Towards each other, about as close as we are right now.”

“Yah! Yeosang!”

He whipped around at the whispered yell. Wooyoung? He frowned at him.

“You can’t do that move together!”

He really thought they—no, _he_ —couldn’t manage this? Couldn’t adapt? He stalked over. “Did you see us both doing it? No. We’re talking through the choreo, and what to change, _not_ that it’s any of your business. Stop watching us. We’re fine. Get your own act together.” He shot a glare at San. “Both of you.”

He made his way back, taking deep breaths to calm the irritation bubbling up.

“What’s their deal?”

“I have no damn clue. Maybe he’s just twitchy, trying to figure out if he can make Baby Don’t Stop more _interesting_. He shouldn’t mess with it. If they sync it, it could be great. Whatever. Instead of the near dick grab, body roll—way too much for this club—we could…would it work to just _stop_ , with eye contact, for those few beats?”

“Then keep going, switch sides? It’s brief enough, yeah, I think so. After the spin, it’s really more about the tension staying high with the speed of the choreo, and their expressions. All leading to the hand gliding.”

“ _That_ we have to keep. Everything leads up to that, then falls apart after.”

“Them wanting more but stopping themselves? Agreed. But I’m not pushing my shirt up in front of everyone.”

“Not allowed anyway. If a shirt _happens_ to ride up or float up, okay, but we can’t deliberately do it.”

“Hypocritical.”

“Says the one who doesn’t want to do the move.”

“Still hypocritical.”

“Mm. But when they break apart, there has to be...some way of showing that remaining frustration. Look. No, this fancam won’t work. Hold on…. Santiago fancam, you can see their expressions better. Skipping…okay, here. It’s like I.M gets back some control when the jacket’s back on and Hyungwon—you could do the hand movement but keep your shirt tucked in. It’s that plus his expression that shows frustration. When I watch it.”

“Wait. Jacket? Costumes? Really?”

“No. I’m not them.” Yeosang jerked his head towards his friends. “But we can both wear black jeans and white shirts, I can throw on a jacket. I can’t see it working as well without.” He tapped the screen twice. “See, look. How he shrugs it off so fast. Because the choreo _is_ fast, but story-wise? Like impatience and sort of...permission? To be touched.”

“You won’t overheat with a jacket?”

“Try to imagine it without. It’s like the jacket is a line. With it on, they don’t touch. With it dropped, it’s a barrier dropped, and that mixture of feelings is there, briefly. They pull apart, he puts it right back on.”

“Fighting for control. Of themselves. And in the end, they fall to the ground. Overwhelming.”

“Something like that, yeah.”

Hyunjin pulled off his headband and ran a hand through his hair. “Chuseok is not great timing this year.”

“For practice? No, it’s not. I’d feel better if we got more of this down before then, but we’ve only got one more club meeting before the break.”

“A rehearsal room?”

“Be competing against dance majors, for one of those. Though this early in the term, it might not be impossible. Except we’re also competing against everyone in the club, thinking the same.”

“Hm. Not to sound too cliché—”

“The horror.”

“Why am I dating you again?”

Yeosang raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, yeah. My parents do event planning, remember? Silent auction or something this Saturday, so they’ll be out. Our back yard’s small but flat. If you want to come over late afternoon? No mirror, of course, but we could take turns? Watch the fancams first. One of us dances, the other watches and critiques, then switch places? Best I can think of right now.”

“Not ideal, but…that could work. Still so many big movements we’ve got to get down.”

“All right. Saturday, my place, next Tuesday, here again, then Chuseok. Tuesday the week after for next open practice—”

“Hyunjin.”

“What?”

“If we double up with another pair, and request a rehearsal room, we might have a chance. Worked in spring, for Wooyoung and San and I. They did their thing and I did mine.”

“Alone.”

“Yes.”

“That’s not right.”

Yeosang shrugged. “The day after Chuseok holidays…Sunday, I think the 15th? Will you be in town?”

“Yeah, we always get back early the last evening.”

“Wooyoung should be back by then, too. I’ll have to ask San. If he is, I’ll see if I can get us a small rehearsal room to share then. A lot of people will be too tired, I bet, to want to come in that day. If I can manage it, I’ll try to get extra time, but it’d probably be in the morning.”

“Seriously? After Chuseok?”

“You don’t like waking up _any_ morning.”

“The holiday makes it worse. The travel and eating, _everything_ …all I want to do is sleep after that.”

“Thing is…I need your help.” Yeosang rubbed his jaw. “Like I said before, expressions are hard for me, and this performance relies on them. Especially the hand gliding part, definitely need you there for that. Timing, action, reaction. And how the story shifts, after.”

“Ugh. Morning. You’ll probably have to call my phone a dozen times to make sure I’m awake.”

“You’re so unlike me.”

“Aw, does baby go to bed early?”

He didn’t have a textbook handy. Yeosang took a step closer and stared right into Hyunjin’s eyes.

“My finding it easy to wake up in the mornings has nothing to do with how late I choose to stay up. I don’t need that much sleep. Sometimes that’s very helpful…in relationships.”

There was a long pause.

Hyunjin leaned down to whisper in his ear. “Trying to make me waver, in my crush?”

“Me?” Yeosang tucked long blond hair behind the other’s ear. “Why ever would I do that, _baby_?”

Hyunjin drew back, a smile on his face. “Just by my telling you, it’ll change, but so you know? You have a _very_ expressive face.”

“Hm. I have homework, too. See you on Saturday.”

*****  
We3

**KangYS:**  
So I had an idea.  
With Chuseok so early this year,  
we could try, the four of us,  
to grab a rehearsal room,  
Sunday after the holiday break.  
Like the three of us did, in spring.

**Charismatic:**  
I’ll be back in town by then.  
You will be, too, right, San?

**Magnetic:**  
Yeah.

**KangYS:**  
So much enthusiasm.  
I’ll try to book one of the small rooms,  
let you both know.

*****  
Wooyoung

**Artist2:**  
Friend.  
I’m his friend.  
Supportive friend.  
I can do this.

**JungWY:**  
Are you sure?  
If they get…flirty, like they did,  
before Yeosang left practice….

**Artist2:**  
What else am I gonna do?  
Stop being his friend?  
No.  
Timing sucks.  
But they both seem happy.  
I have to get used to it.

**JungWY:**  
He did seem happy, didn’t he?  
More confident, too, at the dance club,  
than I’ve ever seen him before.

**Magnetic:**  
Exactly.  
So we keep being supportive friends.  
He doesn’t know, and he doesn’t need to know.  
I didn’t say a word when he was single,  
I’m not making it weird for him, _now_.

*****  
Yeosang

“So the two of us have this room to ourselves for an hour. Wooyoung and San…I told them 10:00 a.m.”

“Why?”

“I thought we could work on expressions alone first? I don’t want to hear comments from them—well, probably only Wooyoung, though he’ll mean it nicely—about what I’m lacking.”

“Does he do that?”

“If he thinks it’ll help. But if I can make some progress, it won’t bother me so much.”

“Huh.” Hyunjin walked over to the small sound system and squinted at it. “He told me how to do this. It’s just…okay, I got it. And…there.”

“Who told you what?”

“Um, remember last week, before Chuseok, I mentioned Felix has a friend in music production? When we were trying to figure out how to duplicate the arrangement of the song, and the extra sound effects? That friend, he’s a senior, they’re both from Australia. I think they met through the international club or something? Not sure. Anyway. He did editing magic, and sent me the track. Sounds exactly like the concert—without the shrieking fans. And he told me how to hook my phone up to this system. If I did it right—”

Music blasted through the speakers and was abruptly cut off.

“Ow.”

“Sorry. But it’s set up correctly,” Hyunjin said cheerfully. “I’ll set it on loop. We can warm up, then start when we’re ready. It isn’t that long, but it’s perfectly done. Guy’s a genius.”

“Please thank him for me,” Yeosang replied, moving into his stretching routine.

“Will do.” Hyunjin started the song, at a softer volume, and moved several feet away.

The song was engraved in his memory now, Yeosang thought. He’d found it interesting, after careful time spent reading the lyrics with a Korean translation next to them, that a song about cheating and suspicion was this kind of duet, but it added a layer to the story. The back and forth. The wanting and not wanting. When the distance was closed, the instant physical response to touch, but how quickly they pulled away. And here they were—he looked at Hyunjin doing his own warm-ups—in their prelude, people thinking it was just a sexy song, and the whole time, all of this was set up on the thin hope another person would be jealous and break them up. The lyrics weren’t on target, but if this all went according to plan…which he still doubted…then some people might think their choice almost predictive.

“Hyunjin?”

“Yeah?”

“You keeping Lee Minho in on everything? On us? The dance? All of that?”

The music kept playing, as he waited for a response. He frowned at their reflections.

“Hyunjin?”

“He knows. Congratulated me. He knows who you are.”

“He _what_?” Yeosang stopped and stared at him.

“You will hate yourself tomorrow if you dance without stretching enough.”

“I’m not allowed to hate myself,” he responded dryly, as he resumed his routine. “If Wooyoung got even a sneaking _hint_ I did, he’d find a way to break into my tiny apartment and half-hug me to death.”

“He’d be waiting in line.”

“What?”

“He might be your best friend, but he’s the baby of the ’99 line. Before him is me, San, Jongho…even Changbin and Felix are older than he is.”

“How’d you know that?” he asked, surprised.

“Changbin told me. Wooyoung’s at their dorm a lot, and sometimes he complains about it. How unfair it is. If Jongho had been born just a few months later, he’d be a different year, and have to call Wooyoung, hyung.”

“No! That’s information I did not have.” He laughed. “I wonder what Jongho says to him that makes him half-bitter?”

“Don’t know. I’m only told what entertains Changbin the most.”

Yeosang let a minute slide by.

“So you’re not getting the kind of feedback you’d hoped for? From your—”

“No. I’m not. Should’ve told you sooner.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I told him a week ago. The day after you were at my place? He thought it was cool. One of his professors passed out a scene you wrote last term. He said when you write a full play, could I put in a good word for him. You’re good with stories. This whole…adaptation of the duet, it’s based on you giving the original performance your own story. I should’ve said that, then. Compliment. You deserve compliments. It just took a little while to accept he didn’t think of me like that. It’s okay, now.”

“Is it? We can…,” he hesitated, “we can stop the performance. I can say my workload got too heavy. People do bow out, sometimes. So long as it’s not frequent, it doesn’t affect club membership.”

“No. Like I said the first week, when I had the idea, I want to do this. I want the other club members to _see_ what you can do.”

“Us. You wanted them to see us.”

“Us. Yeah. But I really want them— _all_ of them—to see you shine.” He paused. “Can we keep going as we have, until the performance? The prelude thing. It’s, um,…comfortable.”

He’d been pretty sure the fake dating plan wouldn’t work, but it had to have hurt. If keeping this up for the rest of the month helped? It’s what they’d planned anyway.

“So long as it won’t make you feel strange. Since the sexy aspect was to appeal to…. I’m really bad at this.”

“You are.” Hyunjin met his gaze in the mirror. “For someone able to see and write such stories, there’s so much you miss happening around you. I’m fine. I promise. It took a few days, but getting away for the holiday cleared my mind. Minho-hyung? Just a mentor and friend. Anyway! Time’s ticking. You good to go?”

Yeosang rolled his shoulders. “Yep.”

The next thirty minutes were frustrating. The dancing needed more polish, but they were doing really well. The problem was, like he knew it’d be, that he couldn’t match his expressions to the mood. It pissed him off. He’d wind up ruining the whole performance, a song _he’d_ picked. He should have paid more attention to their faces. Maybe then he’d have chosen something different. Though it’d always been an issue, hadn’t it? Far back as he could recall. He wasn’t as good as the others, so he didn’t deserve to be in front.

“Stop. I need to stop a minute.” He hit his forehead with the base of his palm. How the hell could he fix this?

Hyunjin recapped his water bottle and looked at him thoughtfully. “I have an idea.”

“What?”

“I think the mirror’s your problem.”

“How?”

“You’re watching yourself too closely. It keeps pulling you out of the story. Out of the character? I guess that works. The character you are in this story. So maybe if we turned off the lights?”

“We’d trip.”

“The whole routine, in this room? Yeah. But the key part, there’s not much foot movement in that. And that’s the make or break. You could put your phone on flashlight mode, set it down on top of the speakers. I bet it’d be just enough light, but dark enough you could focus on the story. When you’re not obsessing over it, you _do_ have an expressive face. Different from your friends. Different from mine. From anyone’s. We could try? If you just went with it, felt the emotions of it, the physicality of the story, with less visual distractions, it might help.”

“I’ll try anything. I don’t want to wreck the performance.” He walked to his bag, pulled out his phone, selected the brightest setting, then set it face down on the speaker. He looked at Hyunjin, standing near the light switch. “Let’s see if we can see enough not to hurt ourselves.”

“But not obsess.”

“I got that point.”

The room went dark, but the phone, well. Thank modern technology. After a minute, it wasn’t pure darkness. Just very, very dim. He could barely see his outline in the mirror as he moved nearer to it.

“Not too close to the mirror.”

“How the hell did you get behind me?”

“I have my wicked, sneaky ways.” Hyunjin laughed.

“That’s not creepy-sounding at all.”

“Maybe it’s supposed to be.”

“Does the dark bring out the ridiculous in you? Because if it does, this won’t work. I’ll start laughing soon, I’ll stumble, probably hit the speakers, they’ll fall over, make a huge noise, you’ll jump and freak out, one of us will start yelling, security will get called, and then what do we say?”

“That _you_ have an overactive imagination.”

“Hm. Now what?”

“You remember how in some fancams, I.M grabbed Hyungwon’s hand and dragged it down part of his body?”

“Yeah. We decided against including it.”

“I know, but you remember it? And his expression?”

“I could write a _paper_ on their performances, I’ve watched them so often. Don’t know who’d publish such a paper, but still.”

“Yeosang.”

“Yes, I remember.”

“Then do it.” Hyunjin dropped a hand on his right shoulder.

“It’s not part of our choreo.”

“I know. But it gives you something else to focus on. Jacket’s dropped. Barrier’s down. Permission’s given. That’s how you described it, right? The only time…our characters have physical contact is this one part. The only time…we let ourselves give in. Wait for the music cue, run through the rest of the choreo in your mind until then.”

It was not a long performance. Around the one-minute mark, Hyunjin’s character would slide a hand down his torso, then off. Then he’d reach to his left, and _he_ , his character, would follow, like instinct, but pull back when the other did. Then Hyunjin’s character would skim his right hand down his, Yeosang’s character’s, right hip and thigh, and then they pulled apart, because it was _too much_. There was the music cue. He grabbed and dragged, let go, leaned to the left, then twisted his head and body to the right, following the sensation of touch. He paused. This was usually when they nearly leapt apart, trying to convey tension, longing, frustration. But it was dark.

“Do it again. I won’t let you fall. Don’t think. Feel.”

He stood up again, and waited for the music. Grab, drag, let go, lean, twist back the other way.

“Again.”

He couldn’t see his own face. He couldn’t see Hyunjin’s face. It was just muscle memory, and touch. Warm, quick contact.

“Again.”

He swallowed, and stood up. “We should…stick to the choreo. No more my grabbing your hand.”

“All right.”

Hand on shoulder, dragged down so fast, then gone. Lean to the left, where the other hand was, but nothing. Twist back, it was too fast. Over too fast. Why was he thinking that? No thinking. He straightened up.

The music looped. Same movements, over and over again. It was easier. Felt like falling, reaching for something too far away. He wanted to yank away. It wasn’t enough. It was too much. If it just lasted a few seconds longer.

He stood again, breathing hard. It was just about a minute break between each repetition. And the movements were so fast.

“I get why they collapsed.”

“Why?”

“Exhaustion.”

Music cue.

Same moves.

Hell.

“Didn’t I.M have a slight body roll? When Hyungwon started at his shoulder?”

They were so close he could feel the shaky exhale on the back of his neck. “He did.”

“Okay.”

Music cue.

Move his body with the hand as it slid down his chest, then disappeared. He bit his lip. Far to the left, nothing there. Why? Twist to the right, quick glide. Too much.

“Again?”

No.

“Yes.”

Music cue.

The speed wasn’t difficult. He wanted what he could barely have. He couldn’t catch it, whatever it was.

“Ready to try it with the lights on?”

Would he mess up, again, if he could see himself? Not like they had a choice, though. Couldn’t perform in the dark.

“I guess so. Yeah. Have to.”

“Um. How about a half-step first? You close your eyes, I’ll turn on the light. You run it through a few times with your eyes closed.”

“You think I can do that?”

“Of course you can.” Hyunjin scoffed. “You’re _good_ at this. Close your eyes, okay?”

He did, and waited, as the music looped again. The light flicked on, bright even through closed eyes. A few seconds later, they were back in their same positions.

“You have good balance, it’s almost all upper body movements anyway. Feelings and expression. Try it again.”

Don’t think. Don’t think. Trust he’ll be there.

Music cue.

Hand on shoulder. He swayed a little. Hand sliding down, then away. Lean left, nothing there. The other side. Twist back, hand gliding from hip to thigh, then gone.

“Bad?”

“Not bad.”

“Should I try it with the body roll?” He had no idea which looked better. Wasn’t ready to open his eyes quite yet.

“If you want to.”

“I’ll try it.” He’d missed the time mark. Waited for the next loop. Wanting but not wanting. Connection, trust, touch. Rejection and frustration. He was a dancer. Dancers’ bodies told stories.

Music cue.

Moving with and against the hand drag felt normal. His lips parted. Reach out to the left, for a promise that couldn’t be kept. Twist to the right, he almost had it back, almost, then it was gone.

He stood up, tipped his head back.

“Good?”

Silence.

Warily, he lowered his head and opened his eyes. Hyunjin’s face in the mirror…. Oh, wow. Was it just the dance?

“Holy fuck.”

That was not Hyunjin’s voice. He looked to the door. It was open. Wooyoung and San were just…there. Wooyoung looked stunned. San? He couldn’t read his face. Old anxieties tugged at him. He looked back in the mirror.

“Good or bad? Truthfully.”

“Good,” was the immediate reply. “Little too good.”

“What does _that_ mean?”

“It means you can’t do that in dance club.” Wooyoung said. “Not with…that kind of body roll. Fuck, Yeosang. I didn’t know you could do that.”

“Do _what_?”

“Dance so expressively, you might beat him in a fair fight, baby. Two against two.”

Baby. Okay. It must’ve just been the dance, to cause the earlier look on his face. Being in character.

“That was amazing, Yeosang.” San smiled at him. “You both want to finish your song?”

He looked at Hyunjin questioningly.

“Whatever you want to do, baby.”

“Hyunjin, _why_?”

“Because it’s fun,” he said, mischief in his eyes.

“ _Why_ am I dating you?”

“Because…,” he tilted his head, “because you like me. You like everything about me.”

“I do not! Maybe half. _Maybe_.”

“Hm. You think he’s telling the truth, Wooyoung? You’re his best friend.”

“Yeosang doesn’t lie, as a general rule.”

“Generally not.” He nodded. “There’s a lot he doesn’t notice, though, don’t you think, San?”

“I wouldn’t say a lot. Some things.”

“Important things?”

“Sometimes yes, sometimes no,” Wooyoung said hurriedly.

“Can you all stop? I’m right here.”

“Yeah, I know. Let’s stop. Why don’t you two take a break, let me and San practice for a while.”

“You are all, _all_ so annoying.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I picked majors for members of Stray Kids based on the Mixtape "movie" (which is stellar):  
> https://youtu.be/XkxWIAe3NDU
> 
> Hyunjin dancing to Charlie Puth's "Attention" (you have to skip to his part, it's in the middle), but picture him looking God's Menu era:  
> https://youtu.be/RAvQWgQyexs
> 
> The original "How Long" choreo by Hyungwon of MONSTA X:  
> https://youtu.be/ZmHoPhh82jQ
> 
> The Chicago fancam referenced (you'll have to skip to the dance):  
> https://youtu.be/zglrUfGKf-s
> 
> The Santiago fancam referenced (again, you'll need to skip to the dance):  
> https://youtu.be/OX4aM5nEaRI
> 
> The Wooyoung/San dances to Fake Love and Baby Don't Stop are in this compilation--but recall in this fic they would look very different.....something between KConLA2019 and Wonderland:  
> https://youtu.be/4xhYyuOlgVg
> 
> Additional note: Yeosang's expressiveness has improved by leaps and bounds. You can see it in some Inception fancams of him.:


	2. Act One.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friendly reminder: I aged the '00 line up one year, so all the characters are '99 liners, which makes Hyunjin the eldest and Wooyoung the youngest.
> 
> Also, tho every Kpop song mentioned has lyrics that relate to themes in this fic (tho not always how you'd expect), the only 2 you should pay attention to are the songs danced to, and parts of the choreo for those songs also have impacts. It's not random. (The non-Kpop song isn't related really, but it is very cool and it served its purpose.)
> 
> Contact IDs for this chapter:  
> Yeosang (KangYS): Wooyoung (Charismatic), San (Magnetic), Hyunjin (Hypnotic), Jongho (HoldThatNote)  
> Wooyoung (JungWY): San (Artist2)

Yeosang  
about 1.5 weeks later

“How did you get us a rehearsal room by ourselves? The night before the big show?” Hyunjin dropped his bag next to the speaker system and began hooking up his phone.

“Ah…I promised I wouldn’t say names, but there’s a dance major in the group who has a friend who confessed to San and was turned down a bit…abruptly, in the spring. When she mentioned who it was, I remembered, because it startled me.” Yeosang carefully laid his backpack and an extra flat bag down on the ground, then started warming up.

“That San would get a confession?”

“No. I imagine he gets those from time to time. Maybe often? I don’t know.” He grabbed his right elbow with his left hand and pulled his arm across his chest, then up. “He doesn’t share his personal romantic life. It startled me because he _was_ sort of abrupt, and that’s not like him. Maybe because it was during midterm reading week and he was stressed? She asked him to talk, he stepped away from us, and—I didn’t hear it, of course, but I guessed, her seeming so nervous and just…you know? The way people are when they’re about to tell someone they like them.” He switched arms.

Hyunjin keyed the song to loop and began stretching, looking at the floor. “Yeah. I’ve seen that.”

“Seen? You’ve gotten confessions, yourself. It’s awkward, when you know, as soon as it starts, that you’re going to have to say no. Or pretty sure you’ll have to say no. I’ve only said yes, two times. I try to be as nice as I can when…rejecting people. I feel so bad for them.” He let go of his arm and touched his toes, counting for a minute, then standing slowly up.

“Because of the courage you have to work up? Because it’s scary, to be the one confessing?”

Hyunjin had such a different warm-up routine than he did. Like half-regular dance class, half-freestyle. No injuries this past year, though, so whatever worked.

“It has to be, right? I never have, to someone. But I can imagine it. And, oh, I remember Wooyoung texting me in absolute terror the first time he was going to approach someone. You can’t tell him I told you that.”

Yeosang focused on his own leg stretches. The farther into the semester it got, the more limber he became. Natural, he knew, since there was no dance club in summer, but it was a pleasant sensation.

“I’d never.” Hyunjin gave him a quick smile. “But you sidetracked yourself—how did we get this room?”

“Oh, right! The dance major. She reserved the room under her name, messaged me when to meet her to get the key, and…yeah.” He thought about how much he should relate of what she’d said. How he was better than she’d thought, before. How the whole thing _was_ petty, but she’d acknowledged that, so as long as he didn’t say names…there wasn’t any harm, was there? “She said she’d seen us in the general room and had noticed Wooyoung and San watching us and thought maybe they thought we could beat them.”

“That’s not—”

“I know, it’s not the best intentions, but I wasn’t about to turn down a chance at private practice. Even if it was given with the hope we’ll get more votes than my friends. Besides, we hadn’t practiced with our prop. Can we call it prop? It’s costume, but it _means_ something. I wonder if there’s a separate category for that. No, it’s still costume, or would be, on the stage, _or_ in dramas, especially historical dramas.”

“Yeosang.”

“Seriously, how many times do they untie those fake silk robes, only to stop what they’re doing because a guard is announcing an attack, or the mother-in-law or third concubine has a conniving reason to stop consummation? Censorship and prolonging the inevitable for maximum audience anticipation, thus possibly equaling increased viewership, I know, but still _irritating_. Just get it _done_. But they don’t.”

“Baby.”

“Hey! Stop that! There’s no one around to impress.”

“But it works so well, snapping you out of spirals.” Hyunjin grinned at him.

Yeosang’s lips twitched. Maybe it did. He refused to admit it, though. He reached for the flat bag and pulled out his jacket. “This! We hadn’t run through the routine with the jacket. And that was a mistake, because it has to be just as fast as the rest of it, or the timing won’t work. I _did_ practice at home, but not the same, you know?”

“Won’t wearing that make it too sweaty to use tomorrow? If you wear it for however long we have this room? How long do we have it for?”

“She said a full hour and a half? I wasn’t planning on wearing it the whole time. It _would_ be revolting, I wouldn’t have the time to get it dry-cleaned, and I want to do well tomorrow. You know I do. For me. For both of us. I thought I’d set a timer on my phone for the last 30 minutes, then I can change—I brought a different shirt, too! Putting the jacket on over a sweat-drenched shirt? Defeats the purpose.”

“You brought a different shirt to change into? And the jacket? That’s…that’s well thought out. You’ll change…in here, I guess?”

“I didn’t think it’d bother you? But if it does, that’s okay. I can dash to the men’s room.”

“No! They’re communal. How would you explain if anyone saw you? And where would you put the clothes, as you changed? I’ll just close my eyes, and you say when you’re done.” Hyunjin nodded firmly.

“Oh, good. Wasn’t really looking forward to the men’s room. If I had access to a changing room, that’d be fine. But restrooms, like you said, don’t have places for clothes.”

“No, they don’t.”

“Good. The jacket is _key_. My character dropping it gives your character permission for the brief contact they have.”

“Permission. Yeah…yeah, I know. It’s a good idea. Good to have the extra practice with it.”

*****

“Well! That’s cleared up. Second place! Can you believe it!” Yeosang hugged himself. Better than getting accepted into this college, better than his first kiss, better than…than anything he could recall. Being _noticed_ for what he’d worked hard at for so many years.

Hyunjin, leaning against one of the club room’s mirrored walls, shook his head, smiling at him. “I can. I _told_ you they wouldn’t be ready for it, but then they’d _see_. We would’ve been first place, except, well…she’s going to be allowed to remain in the club? I got the impression there were rules on the kinds of performances allowed."

“Ahhh, so we all thought! But it seems those rules aren’t _official_. They were agreed upon by the club members eleven years ago, after the fuss about ‘Mirotic.’ Did you know some groups still, to this day, sing the censored version? Only reason why I know anything about it, hearing the original then something _entirely_ different. ‘Under my sky.’ Stupid. Like lyrics are _the_ deciding influence whether or not teenagers have sex. What we get for living in Korea—sexy, provocative choreography is fine, fanservice is fine, but mildly suggestive lyrics? The youth are doomed.”

“It’s difficult to be doomed when you live with your parents.”

“One of many reasons why _I_ moved out, when I started college.” He waited, to see if Hyunjin would catch what he meant. Slightly widened eyes. Hah!

“I—I’m not going to ask.”

“I wouldn’t have confirmed or denied.” It _was_ fun to tease a little. “ _Anyway_ , all the club members have to do is majority vote to overturn the old verbal agreement. Given that the choreo for Hyolyn’s ‘Dally’ grinds the existing rules to dust, yet the club president’s girlfriend still got the most votes, I think they’ll be on board.”

“Grinds? You _had_ to pick that word, didn’t you?” Hyunjin’s eyes were sparkling with amusement.

“It’s memorable floorwork. I don’t know that I’d have dedicated a song with those _lyrics_ to someone I was dating—”

“I don’t think the lyrics were what inspired her.”

“True. So she won’t be kicked out, the club members will most likely say anything an idol does, any of us can do, and you know what that means?”

“Spring will be…interesting?”

“Possibly earlier than that, with the group divisions and song selections after midterms. My only annoyance is if we’d _known_ it wasn’t an actual fixed rule, the club could have changed it earlier, and then we could’ve kept that body roll Wooyoung declared off-limits. He was so _shocked_. And you—you said it was good, too.”

“I don’t know that keeping that would have been the best choice.”

“Why not?” Even San had approved if he recalled correctly. No one had said it was bad.

“Because, um, because it was for whatever the original story was. It wasn’t needed for the story you created.”

“You think so? It would have fallen in with longing.”

“It…it could have. But it worked fine as it was. Second place, remember? And Wooyoung and San got fourth.”

He looked around the room, spotted them, and exchanged waves. Why were they over there? Because he’d been talking to the club president? Oh, well. He’d proved to them, to _all_ of them, that he _could_ tell a story with dance, maybe any story. He’d just needed someone to help him figure out _how_.

He turned back, smiling, and impulsively grabbed Hyunjin’s hands. “Thank you, Hyunjin-ah. You gave me such a gift. I’m sorry this evening didn’t end like you originally hoped it would, but I’m so grateful you danced with me. And I’m _so_ glad they’ll take us _both_ seriously, now, as storytellers. I’m not going to let them forget. You don’t, either. Not that they will. You’re Hypnotic.” He laughed.

Hyunjin looked to the side, then back at him. Opened his mouth, and then closed it.

“Voting time! Everybody gather in!”

*****  
We3

 **KangYS:**  
I know the rules are changed,  
Wooyoung, but if you and San  
dance to The Eve next term,  
I will disown you.

 **Charismatic:**  
Just because you almost got first place,  
doesn’t mean you can tell me what to do!

 **KangYS:**  
It has nothing to do with placement.  
I know you. I know _exactly_  
which parts you would be tempted  
to overdo, with this new freedom,  
and it would _haunt_ me for _months_.

 **Magnetic:**  
The Eve wouldn’t work with just two people.

 **KangYS:**  
I didn’t think Fake Love could work with two.  
And yet!  
Do _not_ do it.

 **Charismatic:**  
….  
Artificial Love could work with two people.

 **KangYS:**  
No.

 **Charismatic:**  
I’m just saying…  
It’d work.  
Want to, San? ;)

 **Magnetic:**  
Hm.

 **KangYS:**  
Do not you either of you _dare_!

 **Charismatic:**  
Or what, my angelic muse?

 **KangYS:**  
All it has to be is a performance by an idol.

 **Charismatic:**  
Yeah, and?

 **KangYS:**  
You do either of those songs,  
I’ll do my damn best version of  
Roh Tae Hyun covering 7 Rings.  
Studio CHOOM.  
Look it up.  
_(read)_

 **Charismatic:**  
Um.  
I’m not ready to see you solo dance  
something like that.

 **KangYS:**  
I didn’t think so.

*****  
Wooyoung

 **JungWY:**  
Where’d he get all this confidence from???  
It’s freaking me out.

 **Artist2:**  
Dating Hyunjin, seems like.  
Much as I hate to admit it,  
they really work well together.

 **JungWY:**  
I don’t.  
I don’t know what to say.  
Because.  
He’s my best friend.  
But.  
You.

 **Artist2:**  
Timing was never right.  
He’s my friend, too.  
And if he’s happy…  
I’ll get used to it.  
I will.

*****  
Yeosang

 **KangYS:**  
I made Wooyoung shut up!  
I knew, I just _knew_ that he and  
San would go for ultra-sexy  
in spring, now that the rules  
are different.  
Because that’s them.  
Well. It’s Wooyoung, and San  
works well with him in dance.  
But I was _not_ going to be mentally  
scarred by Artificial Love!

 **Hypnotic:**  
You must be kidding me.  
They wouldn’t.

 **KangYS:**  
They absolutely would!  
So I told them they’d better not.

 **Hypnotic:**  
Seems like that’d just egg them on.  
Or Wooyoung, at any rate.

 **KangYS:**  
Yeah, but I shut him down.  
I said if _they_ did that,  
_I_ would cover Roh Tae Hyun covering 7 Rings.  
He’s an idol. So it counts.  
And Wooyoung said he wasn’t ready  
to see me dance like that, solo!  
Hah!  
_(read)_

 **Hypnotic:**  
That’s…  
a bold choice.

 **KangYS:**  
It is!  
I never thought I could do anything  
like that, by myself, in front of people, but now?  
Dancing with you…changed something.  
I don’t know what, or how.  
But it did.

 **Hypnotic:**  
Dancing with me?  
Changed something…in you?

 **KangYS:**  
Yes? I just said so.  
You’re a beautiful dancer.  
I could watch you dance every day.  
I mean it.  
And you’re creative.  
I would never have thought  
about turning off the lights  
to figure out expressions.  
You have the confidence to just…  
keep trying. You kept trying until  
you got that self-designed choreo  
right, and it was just like I told you.  
Hypnotic.  
I’ve watched it so many times.  
And dancing with you, I felt I had  
to match you, so it made me feel…  
confident? Not at first, but eventually.  
Just being around you, everything feels vivid.

 **Hypnotic:**  
Thank you.  
That’s…a lot to take in.  
Wow.  
I never expected…any of this.  
Any of that, I mean.  
To be told that.  
All that.  
By you.  
Um.  
You know, the month.  
It’s basically up.  
We agreed until the competition.  
And that’s over.  
So. I guess I need to know.  
What do you want to do, now?

Oh. The month. Their prelude. He’d somehow forgotten it had to end. If he was being perfectly honest, he didn’t want it to. But that was horribly selfish. It hadn’t worked like Hyunjin had hoped. He’d said he was over his crush, but he’d liked him quite a while. He probably needed more time, while not having to pretend the whole fake dating. He was glad he hadn’t called it that. He hadn’t thought of it as fake. It’d felt almost real. But it wasn’t.

It wasn’t his place to claim all Hyunjin’s extra time. They were just friends. But how could they end it? To make it make sense? To other people? How could he explain it to San and Wooyoung? He couldn’t. He hadn’t thought of that. That they might be upset at being deceived. It had seemed so simple, in the beginning. And if Hyunjin told Changbin and Felix, what would they think of their friend? They couldn’t tell anyone it’d been fake. So how?

 **KangYS:**  
I don’t know what reason to give.  
Who _wouldn’t_ want to date you?  
Knowing you, I mean.  
We can’t tell people it wasn’t real.  
You made an effort to convince Changbin, even.  
And if the club finds out it wasn’t  
really real, they might think  
we did it all to fool them. Like a trick.  
It’d be horribly uncomfortable.  
And I don’t know for how long.  
I didn’t think about that.  
And I really…I can’t think of any reason…  
why someone would want to break up with you.

 **Hypnotic:**  
I should feel flattered by that statement.  
But I don’t.  
What I was thinking, in the beginning?  
Is very different.  
From what I think now.

 **KangYS:**  
Well, at first,  
you thought Lee Minho might…  
but then that didn’t work.  
That is a change.

 **Hypnotic:**  
Not exactly what I meant.  
I really, really was not expecting  
to think like I think now.  
But I don’t know if there’s anything  
I can do about it.

 **KangYS:**  
Maybe just…time will help?  
The last person I dated, it took time.  
We’re different, though.  
Since we didn’t date. Not really.  
It seemed like it, sometimes, but…we didn’t.  
What do we tell people, though?  
Because they all, _all_ think it was real.  
We don’t—didn’t—fight.  
We just…seemed to work? I think?  
If things were very different….

 **Hypnotic:**  
If things were different, what?

 **KangYS:**  
I don’t know.  
It feels like they would be, if they were?  
Like, why would I let you go, if they were?  
But things aren’t very different.  
Right?  
Because you said we were just friends,  
and nothing would change.

 **Hypnotic:**  
I don’t remember if I said those words,  
but probably something similar….  
I really need to figure this out.

 **KangYS:**  
What you thought, at the beginning,  
versus where you are, now?

 **Hypnotic:**  
Yes.  
For now, let’s just…  
wait a day or two, and  
tell people, if they ask, that we  
hit a complicated spot,  
and it’s between you and me.  
No bad feelings, though.

 **KangYS:**  
No. Of course not.  
I guess we have to give it time,  
before we can be like before?  
It would look weird, otherwise.

 **Hypnotic:**  
I don’t know if it can ever be  
like we were before.  
Not the same.  
I need to think.  
Is that okay?

Not like they were before? Why wouldn’t it be? Except maybe—he hadn’t even known Hyunjin liked someone until a month ago. And now he knew his crush didn’t like him back. Vulnerabilities Yeosang knew now, that he hadn’t, before. Was it that much of a problem? But what could he do? Nothing. Feelings were feelings.

 **KangYS:**  
Yeah. It’s okay.  
Do what you need to do.  
Or think, I mean.  
If anyone asks, we’ll just say…  
it’s private. Why things didn’t work.

 **Hypnotic:**  
Yeah.  
That’s easier to say.  
It didn’t work like we thought it would.  
But no bad feelings. Just private.  
I gotta go, okay?

He shouldn’t have agreed to the stupid idea a month ago. He should never have agreed.

*****

Tuesday lunch with Wooyoung and San had never felt so uneasy. What was the dance club going to be like, later? He hadn’t heard from Hyunjin since Thursday night. What would people think? Would they notice? How long until he could have his friend back? What if…what if he never got him back? No. That couldn’t happen. He couldn’t lose him. He was too important. But what if whatever had changed meant he didn’t want to be around him anymore? The thought made his chest hurt.

“Yeosang?”

His head jerked up.

“Yes?”

San and Wooyoung glanced at each other, then back at him.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Yeosang, I’ve known you for two decades. I can tell when something’s wrong.”

“Not two decades. It’s October. You were born in November. And you don’t actually remember me from that age any more than I remember you. The first memory I have of us was when we were four. And it’s fuzzy.”

“You’ve barely eaten any food.”

“I was thinking. I forgot to eat. I will, okay? I’m fine.” He scooped a spoonful of rice and shoved it in his mouth, chewed, and swallowed. “See?”

His phone pinged and he dropped the spoon on his tray.

 **Hypnotic:**  
What if things actually _were_ different?  
Would that be bad?

 **KangYS:**  
Not following.

 **Hypnotic:**  
Right.  
Hints and suggestions don’t work with you.  
You said it sometimes felt  
like we _were_ dating,  
even though we’re friends.  
What if we did?  
Date.  
For real.  
_(read)_

His mouth and throat felt dry. Hyunjin had needed time to think about…them? _Them_? Hyunjin liked… _him_? Did he…like him back? Maybe? It _had_ felt real, sometimes. He read the texts again. Dating. Real dating. How? Their whole thing had begun based on the small hope Lee Minho would take notice. He said he’d gotten over finding out he wasn’t liked back the same way, but how could Hyunjin—how could he possibly decide _this_ was a good idea, so quickly?

He’d said…he’d said he’d wanted to continue, because it was comfortable. Being comfortable wasn’t the same things as _liking_. No. It wasn’t. He was just…he was just—he’d thought and come to the wrong conclusion. There was no way he could really…. But he couldn’t just reject him! He couldn’t hurt him. Hyunjin needed _more_ time, to think more carefully, then he’d realize asking this was a mistake. But _how_ could he say no, in a way that maybe could preserve their friendship, later, when Hyunjin realized he’d come to the wrong conclusion? The longer it took for him to respond, the worse it’d seem. What could he _do_?

“Yeosang! Stop it!”

He looked up, bewildered. San’s eyes were filled with worry.

“Stop? What?”

“You’re breathing too fast. Slow down, okay? Please slow down. What’s _wrong_? Tell me—tell us what’s wrong.”

“Um.” He’d been going to tell them. He had to tell them. But not the whole truth. They could never know the whole truth. But maybe they could help him find a way out? “Um.” He drank some water. “Hyunjin and I…um, we broke up.”

“What! When?” Wooyoung demanded.

Don’t make it sound bad. Don’t make it sound bad.

“A couple days ago. Just…it wasn’t working. Maybe we’d have noticed sooner if not for the dance thing. I think.”

“I’m going to kill him.”

“Wooyoung, no! It’s…I don’t want to talk about it, but I promise you, no one said or did anything hurtful. We just got…lost? But. Um. He wants to try again. And I don’t think that’s a good idea. But I don’t want to hurt him! He’s still important to me.”

“Then tell him no, thank you.”

“I can’t. It’s complicated. I didn’t think he’d ask this. Again. When we ended things, it was friendly. I don’t know what to do! I wish I had magic. Some magical way to make him understand it _can’t_ work, some reason to give why it’s impossible. Without actually rejecting him, because it’s him. I can’t hurt him. I can’t!”

“Okay, Yeosang. No, Wooyoung, don’t talk. Whatever happened,” San said carefully, “you don’t want to discuss.”

“No.” Absolutely not. He wasn’t revealing Hyunjin’s crush, _or_ their fake dating.

“Okay. It’s okay. You don’t have to. You want a way to turn him down that—well, he will be hurt, Yeosang-ah. It hurts when people say no.”

“Isn’t there a way to make it hurt less?” he asked pleadingly.

“Are you trying to minimize the blow to his pride, or something like that?”

“No. I mean, I guess that’s part of it, but it’s not about _that_ , really. I want to give him time to realize it was a mistake, and not regret it too much. But I don’t know how to do that. If I say no, just like that, any chance we could have at becoming friends again will disappear. Because he _will_ eventually realize the mistake. I don’t want to lose him forever.”

“Can I talk _now_?”

“Don’t be mean,” San warned.

“To my best friend? I wouldn’t!”

“Not about _any_ of it.”

“Guys, _please_. He’s waiting for a response. He’s _on read_ , right now. Help me. _Please_. Can you think of anything? Even if it seems weird or strange, I don’t care.”

“What about if he thought you were off-limits?”

Yeosang blinked rapidly. What?

“When did you break up?” Wooyoung asked.

“Thursday night.”

“He broke up with you by _text_?”

“No! We were on the phone, talking.” The lies just kept coming, didn’t they? “We were talking, and we just…we realized, okay? It was _mutual_. It was friendly, like I said. He’s a good person. Asking me out, again, it’s just—I don’t know.”

“Maybe he misses you,” San put in quietly. “It was obvious he liked you a lot.”

Well, they did like each other—as friends.

“He didn’t have to ask me out, again, if that’s why.”

“Dating and friendship are different ways of being with someone. Different ways to miss someone.” San took a deep breath. “Maybe he misses you enough he wants to try to fix whatever the problem was. Are you sure you don’t want that? Because you’re saying no, but it sounds like the idea of hurting him in any way is unbearable to you. You need to be certain. Second chances are rare. A third chance? Never heard of it.”

It _wasn’t_ a second chance, but he couldn’t say that, without explaining everything, and part of it wasn’t his story to tell, and the rest would hurt everyone. They’d feel…played. That was never the intention, but it’d just—it’d been so easy to simply _be_ with Hyunjin, it hadn’t crossed his mind there’d be consequences. And if he didn’t figure out a response _really_ soon, the consequences would magnify.

“I’m certain.”

“Then make yourself off-limits,” Wooyoung declared. “Simple.”

“How the _fuck_ is that simple? I can’t walk around campus in the couple hours before dance club, find a stranger to ask out, and make it seem _believable_ to Hyunjin. He’d know it was a lie. And it’d be insulting, to him and whomever, assuming I found someone and assuming they agreed.”

“Not a stranger.”

“Wooyoung. Don’t go there.”

“Got a better idea, San? You want to see Yeosang continue this miserable?”

“I don’t understand.”

“Most people would believe one of us. If they knew about us, but hadn’t met us. But he’s met _me_ , and there’s no way he’d believe I hide secret romantic feelings for you in my drawings, since he’s also seen those drawings. Zombie sea serpent? Not sexy. That leaves San.”

“What? No. I’m not using San like that. You, well, whatever. Payback for the dinosaurs.”

“Hey!”

“But San,” he shook his head, then smiled at his _non_ -idiotic friend. “San-ah, ignore him. He nibbled crayons as a kid. Never the same since.”

“I’m trying to _help you_.”

“By pushing San into, what, a fake rebound relationship with me? Not cool, Wooyoung.”

"What’ll you do, then?”

He pushed his food away.

“Probably lose a friend.”

He stared at his phone. It’d been so long, the screen had turned black. Too long. Too late.

“It’s not using me, if I agree to it.”

“No.” He kept his eyes fixed on the phone. He needed to respond, but saying hey, you’re wrong, you don’t like me? It’d just be an argument—which they’d never had—where neither person could convince the other. It’d come across as a badly phrased rejection. Sure, weeks from now, he’d realize it’d been a bad idea, maybe wished he hadn’t sent the message in the first place, but the damage would be done. Hyunjin had given him such tremendous gifts—helped him be seen for more than his face, helped him feel confident to dance alone to anything—and how was he repaying that? Hurting him. Because _he_ believed what he said was true _now_ , but Yeosang knew there wasn’t any way it could be, so he’d have to decline. If things were different…he might have said yes. But they weren’t different. And waiting wasn’t going to change anything. He reached for the phone he’d set down earlier—and his hand was stopped.

“I know I said anything, but it’s too much. I won’t do that to you, San. Others will think it’s a real rebound, because it’d have to _look real_ , and then when it ended, they might be not be nice about it. Bad enough some people will gossip about _why_ I’m no longer dating Hyunjin. You know some will say it’s about our looks, like we were too vain to stay together. Something stupid like that. It’s tiresome. I don’t want you dealing with any similar shit because of me.”

“So what if they do? People know I’m your friend. They know I’ve been your friend longer than you’ve known him. It _would_ look believable. They’ll think I snatched at a chance, and when it ends, they’ll think it wasn’t meant to be. And, hell, my roommate is Hyunjin’s friend. If you just reject him, he’ll tell Changbin, and that’ll be awkward. It’d only need to be for, what, a few weeks? Through midterms?”

“That’s four weeks,” Yeosang mumbled. Another month-long fake arrangement? How was he even giving this any thought?

“A few weeks, four weeks, whatever. We make sure he sees us together enough times, he’ll get the message. And after midterms, dance club splits into groups. The chances of the two you being put together, after everyone will have seen you apart? And have seen you, with me, for the weeks before? No one will put you two in a group together. Then there’s finals and winter break—if, as you say, he’s making a mistake, he should realize it by then, and maybe things will be better in spring. If not…you can face that, then. Months from now. You’re not using me. I’m helping you. You know I care about you, that it matters to me that you’re happy. Let me help you. You’d do the same for me, wouldn’t you?”

“Of course! Though I might hit them with a textbook first, my heaviest, if they’d hurt you.” He frowned. “Probably the book analyzing and comparing the evolution of Western and Eastern dramatic performances. It’s a monster.”

San laughed. “I remember you hefting that book around. I don’t think you could swing it at someone—you’d have to drop it on a foot.”

“It’d break their toes,” Yeosang said seriously, “if I did that. But they’d deserve it.”

“Then that’s what we’ll do. Through midterms. Stay with the two of us during dance club, and I’ll think of something that will make it clear to him, outside of those times. Just don’t worry, all right? It’ll be okay.”

“Great! Now that that’s settled, you really should text him, or all this heartfelt conversation will have been an absolute waste of time.”

San leaned over and flicked Wooyoung on the forehead.

“Ow! I was just pointing out the obvious. What you’d both _forgotten_."

“No, we hadn’t. No point in replying until there _was_ a reply. Settle down. Do a weird mini-sketch of your muse.”

“Okay.” He _would_ do the same for San. And it was the only potential non-terrible path forward. Everything was clear and laid out. “What do I tell him?” He picked up his phone and unlocked it. The last message from Hyunjin was still there: what if they did date for real. He sighed.

“Tell him you told us Saturday, and Sunday, I took my chance. Since you’d dated him, a friend, you’d realized it might not be a bad thing to try, so you said yes. That’s really all he needs to know. He’ll see us in person in less than an hour.”

 **KangYS:**  
I’m sorry for taking so long to reply.  
I was overthinking what comes down to  
something simple,  
because the last thing I’d ever want to do  
is hurt you.  
I told Wooyoung and San, on Saturday.  
What we’d agreed to say?  
But then Sunday, San…well, _he_ asked me out.  
I never saw _that_ coming.  
He figured since I’d dated you, a friend,  
that I wouldn’t object to dating a different friend.  
And though I know the situations are not  
at all the same, not what he thinks, at any rate,  
since it did sometimes feel real, with you,  
I thought…maybe it’s not necessarily bad.  
Dating a friend, I mean.  
I’ve always liked him a lot.  
I’m sorry, Hyunjin. I said yes to him, two days ago.

 **Hypnotic:**  
San.  
He’s faster than I thought he’d be.  
I had to be sure,  
but he already was.  
I understand.  
I hope—I really do hope—he makes you happy.

“Faster than he’d thought?”

“He said that? What else did he say?”

Yeosang repeated the message. “What do you think he meant, you being faster than he thought? You being sure?”

Wooyoung paused in his drawing.

“ _Honestly_ , Wooyoung, if you’re thinking up something more monstrous than the zombie sea serpent, don’t show it to me today. Not in the mood.”

“Ah, no. It’s just a little sketch. Like actually small in size. Just...trying to imagine the whole.”

“Faster? He’s assuming what others will. That being a close friend, I asked before anyone else had a chance to. You _do_ get asked out. You just turn almost everyone down. As to being sure…he’s comparing the two of us, me and him. I can’t guess accurately since I don’t know his exact thoughts.”

“Oh. I guess that makes sense. He doesn’t know you, except what I’ve said about you and Wooyoung, and when you’ve briefly interacted. I didn’t think he’d assume the same, so fast, but…it’ll make it easier. Right?”

“Probably.”

“You’re sure you’re okay with this?”

“Yes, Yeosang. I wouldn’t have offered, otherwise.”

“Okay. If you need me to drop that book on someone’s foot, let me know?”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“I’m done!” Wooyoung announced, and handed over his sketchbook.

“My face on _top_ of a cellphone? Not on a background, but attached to the _top_?”

“You were holding a phone. It was there.” Wooyoung shrugged.

“You’re so _weird_.”

“But you love, love, love me!”

“Even though I occasionally ask myself why…yes. I do.”

“Good.” Wooyoung turned to San and smirked. “That means _I’m_ the favorite.”

*****

He was _not_ going to look at Hyunjin. Not after a small wave, when he walked in, next to San, both of them following Wooyoung. The first week of dance club meet-ups after a competition were free-for-alls. People could split into small groups, large groups, put in earphones and dance alone—they could even sit and talk. There were no rules.

Wooyoung peeled off, heading straight for the club president. Yeosang watched him patiently wait for her attention, and then, well…it was either an animated presentation or an emphatic one-sided argument. Hard to tell. He wanted something, that was for sure. They’d find out soon enough, he supposed.

“What _is_ he up to?” San asked him.

It was unsettling, a little. This time, last week, he’d been sitting next to Hyunjin. Now, San. Make it look real, he reminded himself. San’s your friend. It’s not that difficult.

“Hm? Can’t hear you. You’re sitting too far away.”

San raised an eyebrow, but said nothing, simply moved closer. Much better.

“Is Wooyoung campaigning for a club position, or angling for one of the group leader spots?”

“Possibly the latter—he could do it, too. I tease him a lot, you know, but he’s perfectly able to be serious about dance or art. If he has to be.”

“If,” San echoed.

Yeosang laughed. “Yes. That’s an important word. If. If he must, he will. If he doesn’t have to, cement the chairs to the floor, know where the circuit breaker is, and make sure he has no access to body paint.”

“Nothing has ever happened when you learned all three of those details were necessary, right?”

“Hm. What do you think?”

“I need a hint.”

“Two out of three.”

“Cement has to be mixed and poured, so…circuit breaker and body paint?”

“Good guess.”

“I don’t want any more hints.”

“And _that_ is a smart choice.” He looked around the room. “These free days are the most interesting, don’t you think? Trying to guess which songs people are dancing to, if I even know the group or solo artist. Could be anything from BoA to the most recently debuted. Too many to keep track of, though over there, I’m fairly certain that group is trying to do GOT7’s ‘Eclipse.’”

“Are they? How can you…tell?” San looked over.

“The opening sequence. They’ll probably just work on that the whole time. The levels and interlocking arms, the timing. I love this club, I really do, but the more people are involved, the more a routine starts to look like a part switch version than a cover.”

“Is that why I haven’t seen anyone try SEVENTEEN?”

“Units are doable. There was a fantastic cover of a performance unit song in my first term. In the second competition, of course. But they were all dance majors, so continuously training, though not in K-pop, of course, _and_ they had easy access to rehearsal rooms. Anyone thinking to cover the whole ensemble, or any group the same size? Gets talked down quickly. It’d be _madness._ Wild enough the weeks before midterms.”

“No,” San groaned. “Don’t remind me. Two meetings for the _whole_ club to _try_ to learn a soloist’s choreo.”

“Two weeks. Two soloists.”

“Second week is reading week. Not everyone shows up. I don’t.”

“Oh. I forgot.” Damn. “Neither you nor Wooyoung ever have.”

“You do?”

“Yeah…otherwise I’m pretty alone. So much of what I do is reading and writing. There _are_ fewer people here that week, but it’s much more fun. About the only activity most people let themselves stop studying for.”

“Did…Hyunjin show up, the second week, in spring?” San asked, in a lowered voice.

“He did. We laughed so much. The dancing gets kinda…out of control. One person is tasked with knowing the full choreo, the rest of us…we try and try, or we try, give up, and cheer on those who aren’t terrible. Guess I’ll have to skip it, this year.”

“No. I’ll arrange my schedule to make it work.”

“Can you?”

“For two nights? For you? Yeah, I can. Probably a good idea to get out of the studio or library anyway.”

“Oh, thank you!” He beamed at San. “It can get wonderfully ridiculous. Everyone’s tired, so precision goes down, and people start adding _flare_.”

“When do we find out the song? Same as first week?”

“Yep. No warnings. Makes it more entertaining. Last spring, second week, was PSY’s ‘New Face.’ That was awesome. Have you ever danced while laughing so hard you’re crying?”

“No.”

“It’s an experience.”

It really had been. Everyone yelling along to the lyrics, trying to hit the beats, sometimes the laughter so overwhelming, people would slide down the walls, holding their sides. He looked around the room, caught the club president’s eyes and with a grin, did the famous little hand gesture in front of his face. She pressed her lips together, then her shoulders started to shake, and she clung to her girlfriend, giggling. Hyunjin would’ve gotten it, too—but he wasn’t looking at him right now.

“Yeosang?”

“Hm?” He turned, unable to stop smiling.

“Would you want to learn the ‘Fake Love’ choreo that Wooyoung and I did?”

“What?” He stared at San, all laughter gone. “You’re—you’re asking me to dance with you?”

“Yeah? Why is that a problem?” San frowned at him.

“It’s not! I never thought either you or Wooyoung would ever ask me, that’s all. I’d always hoped, but I understood why it didn’t happen.”

“You—I’m so sorry, Yeosang. One of us should have—why didn’t either of us? Didn’t Wooyoung, your first term? When it was just the two of you?”

“No. He did a solo number. And like I said, I understood. But now, now you know I _can_ actually dance at the same level, and to have you ask me is just…I didn’t think anything could be better than second place, earlier, but this is. Wow.”

“Wait. What do you mean? Of course you can dance. You do know it made Wooyoung angry for years that he couldn’t force your dance instructors to give you more time, right?”

“Um…no.”

“He told me no one at your academy was better than you at floorwork.”

“He did? Huh. I was faster than most at picking it up, so I just...made it my thing. Maybe I should have felt guilty, that that meant I nearly always got those parts in our little showcases, except, well, it was never the biggest component and anyway, it was rarely just me. And when it was, well, I guess I didn’t feel bad because I knew the rest of the routine I’d be at the back. I was used to that. I understood why things didn’t change here. It…it did hurt, but I understood.”

“Oh, Yeosang. I thought the style you liked was solo. Especially when Wooyoung didn’t dance with you last fall, when I first joined. He’s your best friend—damn. Your best friend, and he never asked you. I kinda want to punch him.”

“Thank you for the sentiment, but really…it seemed normal, to me. Frustrating, but normal. Your offering to dance with me right now means so much. Though I can’t take you up on it. That’s your song, yours and Wooyoung’s. I filmed it for you both, remember? I watched it a lot. It was so good. It worked for you because you’re both so good at intensity.”

“Um…not to bring up the past, but you showed last week you can deliver on intensity.”

“I couldn’t have done it alone. I wasn’t brave enough. People look at me and expect…I don’t know. Different things than they expect, when they look at the two of you.”

“It’s just choreo. It doesn’t belong to anyone. We could just do some key elements. It’d…it’d look like more…proof? To a certain someone.”

Yeosang glanced at the small crowds in their rehearsal space. Hyunjin was near the GOT7 people, but was…looking at him. He quickly refocused on San. “I don’t know. The lyrics aren’t very…relationship? Like one of the refrains:

> Love you so bad, love you so bad,  
>  Mold a pretty lie for you

“The whole song’s not about a good kind of love. When he and I broke down ‘How Long,’ I made up a story to go with it, based on the choreography the idols performed.”

“But aren’t the lyrics to that song not great, either?”

“No. And look at where I am, now. Nothing like those lyrics happened—don’t go thinking that! That’s not why we…broke up. My point’s just that he’ll pay attention, at least for a while, to anything we dance together. Especially if the lyrics aren’t very date-friendly.”

“Any other suggestions, then?”

“Hm.”

“Kang Yeosang! Ask, and it will be given!”

“New Face” began blasting out the speakers. He rolled his eyes and stood up.

“I’ve been summoned. Come on. It’s so much fun, San-ah.”

*****  
Wooyoung

 **Artist2:**  
So. Earlier.  
Before the dance club.  
You’re the favorite?  
What was with that?

 **JungWY:**  
Distraction.  
Did you want him to dwell on the _real_  
meaning behind Hyunjin’s texts?  
The implications of being _sure_?  
All of that?

 **Artist2:**  
…  
No.  
Thank you.

 **JungWY:**  
You’re welcome.  
God, how is he so fucking oblivious?  
In almost every other life category,  
he’s a normal human being. Well.  
Except looks, of course.  
But when it comes to noticing people  
actually liking him?  
Like his brain stops working.

 **Artist2:**  
Did he have a bad experience?  
Or was he just…always like this?

 **JungWY:**  
Maybe mixed?  
He’s only ever dated two people,  
and he only said _yes_ because  
they started off with similar interests  
and were lucky or smart enough  
_not_ to talk _too_ much about how  
handsome, pretty, ethereal,  
blah-blah-blah he is.  
Makes him instantly suspicious,  
that that’s all they see him as.  
Those damn dance instructors didn’t help.  
I swear, if I could go back in time….

 **Artist2:**  
Huh.  
You know he never knew,  
that you thought he was really good.  
He thought that was why neither of us  
ever asked him to do a duet.

 **JungWY:**  
He _what_?  
Oh, no.  
I really _do_ want a time machine.  
Dammit.  
I had the chance to shake things up,  
with dance club and the duets,  
and I missed it. Didn’t even occur to me.

 **Artist2:**  
He’s not mad at us.  
Hurt, he said.  
But he said he understood.  
I know, you saw it all happen for years,  
but me?  
I’ve _liked_ him for a good while now,  
and I just…I thought the solos were  
what he wanted to do.

 **JungWY:**  
No way you could’ve known.  
If I never picked up on it…  
Hyunjin did, though, didn’t he?  
That’s why Yeosang got so confident.  
Someone _wanted_ to dance with him.  
Someone believed he could do more  
than what he’d been doing.  
And now that’s…gone.  
I hate this.  
I want him happy. I want you happy.  
I need to know.  
Are you really doing this just for him?  
Really going to let it go at midterms?  
Not even try?

 **Artist2:**  
I don’t know.  
He won’t say what happened between them.  
So it’s hard to guess if actually trying  
would backfire, or not.  
Rebounds usually fall apart,  
but this is…not a normal rebound.

 **JungWY:**  
No. But if you’re careful, you _might_ have a chance.

 **Artist2:**  
If I do, I’ll take it.

 **JungWY:**  
Good.  
It helps that he has to _act_ like it’s real,  
and acting can lead to believing.

 **Artist2:**  
Sometimes.

 **JungWY:**  
Don’t be _too_ cautious!  
You’re acting the part, too,  
though for you it’s more about restraint.

 **Artist2:**  
You think after this many months,  
I’m not aware of that?

 **JungWY:**  
I know you are.  
But act the part all the time.  
If he questions it…well,  
never know when you could run into Hyunjin?

 **Artist2:**  
That’s a stretch.

 **JungWY:**  
Just think about it.

 **Artist2:**  
Like I said.  
If I see a chance, I’ll take it.

*****  
Yeosang

 **Magnetic:**  
I need your help for a midterm.

 **KangYS:**  
My help?  
Like…a description of something?

 **Magnetic:**  
No.  
I don’t know if Wooyoung  
has ever ranted about this,  
but in painting…there’s a sort of  
controversy about photographs.  
Painting from them, that is.  
It’s fine when what you want to paint  
is dangerous or inaccessible.  
Or an object in motion—you can’t  
make that pause for hours.  
But when you’re painting a person,  
or a scene, it’s an argument.  
Or it can be.  
That the _truth_ of the painting only comes out  
when you’re painting what’s right before you.  
I disagree.  
Art isn’t always exact.  
Canvas or digital, flaws are removed,  
backgrounds added or changed.  
What’s the difference between referencing  
a photo of a snow leopard a  
crazily fearless person took, and referencing  
photos taken of a person?  
People get tired of posing, too.  
hey move, the light changes, it’s not static.  
More than you wanted to know, probably.

 **KangYS:**  
Wouldn’t say that.  
Don’t entirely understand why it’s an argument?  
It seems practical, to use whatever helps.  
But there are purists in every form of art, so…  
maybe it’s from there?

 **Magnetic:**  
That’s what I think!  
Anyway, this midterm.  
The professor’s set us the task  
to take multiple photos.  
People or places or things.  
Whatever we want to paint.  
Then in the studio, reference them.  
Create a painting based on one.  
Or a mixture.

 **KangYS:**  
You want to take photos of me?  
Then use those, for a painting?  
It’s a graded thing?

 **Magnetic:**  
Yes.  
I promise I won’t create any bizarre mash-ups,  
like when Wooyoung sketches you.

Huh. Yeosang lightly drummed his fingers on his desk. It seemed an intriguing assignment. And it’d be nice for some people in the art department to know he could look _normal_. Wooyoung had never kept his sketches secret. It didn’t bother him, but it was sort of…nice? Being treated like a normal muse? Like someone or something inspirational? Of course, if someone in San’s class took photos of, say, a garden overgrown with weeds, he’d be on the exact same level. He wasn’t _that_ special. He could almost see it. A professor walking around the studio. There, the weedy garden. There, a food market stall. There, him. He’d be the odd one out. He laughed.

 **KangYS:**  
When?

 **Magnetic:**  
Today’s Thursday…  
weather forecast is good for a while.  
Saturday?

 **KangYS:**  
Okay.  
I didn’t know you liked photography.

 **Magnetic:**  
The finished result?  
Yes.  
Taking them?  
I’m okay.

 **KangYS:**  
So for this graded project…  
you’ll be using a cell phone?

 **Magnetic:**  
I don’t have much choice.  
It’ll be okay.  
They’re for reference.

 **KangYS:**  
Yeah, but lighting is important.  
Shadows, too. Angles.  
Won’t people with cameras have an advantage?

 **Magnetic:**  
How do you know about any of that?

 **KangYS:**  
Hyunjin.

Damn. It was so automatic. He wasn’t used to keeping his friend out of normal conversations, or regular thoughts. He hoped this pretend thing with San helped Hyunjin get over his…misunderstandings. He hoped, at some point, he’d have his friend back.

 **Magnetic:**  
He takes photographs?

 **KangYS:**  
Yes.

 **Magnetic:**  
How good is he?

How good was he? Why would San care? He shrugged.

 **KangYS:**  
For an amateur, quite good, I think.

 **Magnetic:**  
Really?  
Huh.  
The photos for this project?  
Don’t have to be taken by me.  
I just have to be present.  
Pretty sure the professor added that  
to encourage collaboration with students  
focusing on photography,  
but he didn’t say so specifically.  
Why don’t we ask Hyunjin?

 **KangYS:**  
San. When you need help, it’s okay to ask.  
We won’t judge you.  
We’ll find you the best treatment possible.

 **Magnetic:**  
What?

 **KangYS:**  
You’ve developed a delusional disorder.

**Magnetic:**  
I have not!!

 **KangYS:**  
For you to think of asking Hyunjin,  
the person I recently broke up with,  
the person we’re trying to convince  
not to try to…get back together with me.  
For you to think of asking _him_ to take photos  
of me for a class _for you_?  
Is entirely outside the realm of normalcy.  
Thank God you were never close,  
and don’t have his number.

 **Magnetic:**  
I don’t.  
But his friend is my roommate.  
I can ask Changbin for his contact info.

What the hell was San thinking? It made no sense. Not in any possible scenario. It would just—he didn’t know if it would _offend_ Hyunjin, but he wouldn’t like it. And it was just _stupid._

 **KangYS:**  
He won’t give it to you.  
His _friend_ is my ex.  
And as far as anyone else knows,  
I’m now dating _you._  
Why would he even _talk_  
to you right now?

 **Magnetic:**  
He’s not ignoring me.  
Besides, Hyunjin’s several months older than him.  
Than me. You. All of us.  
Which is slightly annoying.  
But nevermind.  
Changbin’s not his babysitter.

 **KangYS:**  
And if the situation were somehow reversed,  
you’d give out my number?

 **Magnetic:**  
No!  
I don’t expect him to do that.  
I’ll explain I need help for a class.  
For a midterm.  
That I need a good photographer.  
Could he ask Hyunjin to contact me  
to discuss it?  
He’ll pass that on, and then—  
don’t you think Hyunjin will be curious?

He didn’t know. But it seemed risky.

 **KangYS:**  
He’ll find it _weird_.  
Because it _is_.

 **Magnetic:**  
Yeosang, trust me on this.  
No matter how nice his message to you was?  
That day?  
To him, you and I are in early stages.  
Less than a week, from what you told him.  
He _will_ be curious to see if, outside dance class,  
when he has a chance to see us,  
to talk to you,  
if it seems _real_ , if you meant it.  
If I was him, I would be.  
He’ll say yes.  
Don’t try to put on a show, just be yourself.  
That, with me right nearby?  
Should help clue him in.

 **KangYS:**  
And if you’re wrong?  
And he’s _not_ curious?  
Then what?

 **Magnetic:**  
Then we use my phone, like I originally meant to do.

 **KangYS:**  
You’re going to do this, no matter what I say, aren’t you?

 **Magnetic:**  
Yep.  
Because if I was him, I’d want to know.  
He’ll show up.  
Then he’ll _know_.  
Or at least it’ll start to sink in.  
That’s what you wanted, right?

Not the way he’d planned it working out. Not that he’d had a plan.

 **KangYS:**  
Yeah…

*****

They met late in the morning on Saturday. The hour didn’t surprise Yeosang at all. He _was_ surprised that Felix had tagged along. He lived on campus, so it wasn’t a hardship, but why would he show up, too?

“That’s a really nice camera.” San’s first words.

Yeosang sighed. Artists.

“Birthday gift. I like taking photos. It led me to film. The end result is different, but the approach is similar. Framing a shot. Scene composition. All that. And I’m not graded on it, which makes it relaxing. Like I said on the phone, I like taking photographs of friends. My Instagram account is full of them. People from high school. Felix. Changbin. Other students. And Yeosang, of course. From before the two of you. From before…,” he tilted his head, “before the two of us. When we were just friends.” He smiled.

What kind of weird tone and phrasing was _that_?

“Of course, my account is private and only followers can see what’s there...Felix can show you if you’re curious.”

“Hyunjin’s very good,” Felix chimed in.

Yeosang raised an eyebrow. He knew how this would play out. _Artists._

“You said what you need are different photos? Any specific styles?” Hyunjin looked at San directly.

At least photos would be faster than Wooyoung’s sketches. Being a muse was never what people thought it was like. Directly—or indirectly, in this case.

“Different body postures, different expressions. That’s okay, Yeosang, yeah?”

He nodded. San was already drifting toward Felix, standing under a nearby tree.

“Now who’s oblivious?” Hyunjin said under his breath.

“Not me. Just take the photos. He better not look at everything you’ve posted. Be here for hours, if that’s the case.”

“Two of you have plans?” He raised the camera, made adjustments, then took a photo. “Are you annoyed he asked me?” Another photo.

“I’m not annoyed. It’s just photographs.” He crossed his arms. “You’re good. I want him to get a good grade.”

He felt tense. That wouldn’t help San, at all. He dropped his arms and linked his hands together.

“That’s better,” Hyunjin said approvingly. “I’ve never taken pictures of you before, for someone else, but you don’t have to conceal yourself like you might, in front of a stranger.”

Nothing to conceal? Couldn’t get farther from the truth if he tried. He closed his eyes, unlocked his hands, and stretched his arms to the sky, then slowly lowered them to his sides. He wondered how many photographs had been taken already. Movement by movement? Hyunjin was quick, when he wanted to capture a moment.

“So how is it? Actually dating a friend?”

Yeosang took a deep breath. So he was curious. He opened his eyes and glanced at San. Had to be Felix’s phone in his hands, and he was zooming in on a photographic detail. Of course he was.

“He’s an artist. I’m used to artists. And I’ve known him a while, _as a friend_ , so honestly? Not as much has changed as I’d…worried?”

Maybe that was a major reason why he’d never even thought of dating a friend—worries over what could change. Not that he’d ever thought too much about dating anyone. He sometimes forgot other people existed outside the worlds he created in his head.

“So our little prelude helped you get over that reluctance?”

“What?” What was he getting at?

“Your disinterest in dating friends. Because we felt real enough, you thought it might not be bad, to say yes. To a friend. The prelude changed your mind.”

Hyunjin saying that meant he thought they were together, didn’t it? That was why he and San were doing this. He licked his lips. He had to be careful what he said.

“I suppose so. It seemed worth a try.”

“A try?”

Was that the wrong thing to say? He could write whole monologues that made sense, but this? Trying to keep track of how many unrealities people thought real? It made his head spin. He didn’t want to lie more than he had to. It had to seem true enough to give Hyunjin time to realize his earlier mistake, but _he_ knew he and San had set a definite end date, so he couldn’t seem _so_ invested people would question how they could remain friends.

“Every time a person starts dating, it’s trying things out. It’s impossible to know, from the beginning, if it’ll work or not, though we always hope it will.”

“Have you gone on a date yet? An _actual_ date?”

Did he _not_ believe, yet?

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business.”

“Just a casual question, Yeosang. Friends ask those all the time. Are we not friends, now?”

He looked back at San. He and Felix were talking. Still looking at the damn photos. Why wasn’t he _here_ , helping him?

“I didn’t know…if you wanted to be friends, still.”

“Just because you said yes to him, and no to me? I regret the timing. Very much. But I’m still your friend. And I told you, I want you to be happy.”

Regretting the timing. So he still thought it’d been a good idea. He needed to calm down. Today was Saturday. Hyunjin had asked him out Tuesday, earlier this week. He’d told him San had asked him out two days before that. It was too soon for him to have had a chance to reflect. That made sense.

“I’m glad. I never wanted to lose you.” Maybe this _would_ work. Just follow the plan San made. He sat down on the ground. Hyunjin crouched nearby. More photos.

“Artists and dancers spend so many hours in studios. Must make scheduling difficult. Though—turn your head to the left, please, I just realized I hadn’t taken any profile shots—if I was San, I’d do everything I could to make time for you.”

At least he had an answer for _that_.

“He’s doing as much as he can. He’s going to be at dance club during readings week. He’s never done that before. He’s doing that for me.”

“Not exactly time alone, though, is it?”

Why did he feel like he was under attack? Like he’d made a misstep somewhere?

“How many pictures do you have?”

“Quite a few.”

He scrambled up. “San-ah!” he called. He hoped he didn’t sound as desperate for help as he felt. “We’re done!”

“Are we, Yeosang?”

“Hyunjin,” he steadied his voice. “What are you talking about?”

“The photos. San might want more.” He stood up.

On the surface, believable. It’d just been his tone. Though he might’ve misheard it. He’d spoken so softly, that was possible.

San strode over. Within a minute, he and Hyunjin were huddled over the camera.

Felix wandered over to him. “Weird, but good, right? An ex getting along well with his replacement.”

That, Yeosang thought, made him seem terrible. Felix sounded neutral, but he must think him awful.

“I guess so,” he said quietly. “It’s very strange. I don’t know why Hyunjin agreed to do this.”

“He thought it sounded interesting.”

There were so many ways to interpret that statement. Had he been interested because he was curious, like San had predicted? Had he thought the artistic idea interesting? He didn’t seem to hold resentment against either of them, so that _might_ be an explanation. More possibilities swirled in his head, but he pushed them away. No way to know. No point in obsessing.

“I’ll send them to you in batches then, San. Felix? You ready to go?”

“Sure,” he responded cheerfully. “See you next week, Yeosang? Tuesday night?”

“Yeah. See you then. Bye, Felix. Thank you, Hyunjin.”

“Happy to help.”

And then they were gone.

San walked to him. “How did it go? Did it help? Do you think he believes it?”

“I’m not sure. He’s harder to read now, than he used to be, before the whole dating thing. I don’t think he disbelieves it?” He hesitated. “San? Nothing will change with us, right? After? This won’t mess up our friendship in any way?”

“I told you not to worry. I meant it. I’ll always be your friend. No matter what.”

That was a relief. Losing San would hurt as much as losing Hyunjin. Differently, but the same depth. Wooyoung—well, they were about as intertwined in each other’s lives as it was possible to be. He didn’t think anything could ever tear them apart. Wooyoung was the only person, outside his family, he’d ever loved, and said so, to his face.

“Good. Were the photos the kind you needed?”

“Yeah. He really has a gift. Yeosang?”

“What?”

“Felix showed me Hyunjin’s Instagram feed.”

“I know.” He smiled. “Artists. You see something new, you have to check it out. It’s a compulsion.”

“Well. Sort of. But did you know about a third of his photos since spring are of you?”

That many? It hadn’t seemed like that many.

“I never paid attention. Just glanced at them when I got notifications. He takes photos of all his friends.”

“Yeah,” San said slowly, “but he’s known them longer and since he met you, you’re featured more often.”

“We were friends before we…dated. And we both live in town, so in summer, sometimes we’d meet at parks to hang out. And I’ve been to his house a couple times, he has a really cute dog. He’s been to my parents’ place once? You go back home, in summers. Wooyoung, I spent a lot of time with him, of course, and my family. But Wooyoung took classes. And my parents work. I guess…I guess Hyunjin and I did spend a lot of time together, as friends, this past summer.”

“Maybe I should have taken classes, too.”

“But you like going home.”

“Yeah. I do. You’re right.” San was silent for a few seconds. “Would you...I mean, are you busy right now? Do have assignments to get to, later?”

“No. I’m pretty caught up. I didn’t know what to expect from this photo thing, so I did more work last night.”

“Oh! You didn’t have to do that.”

“Yes, I did. I wanted to help you.”

“Thank you. If you’re free, then…would you want to go see an early movie? And maybe get some food after?”

Like an “actual” date? Just him and San? Of course, they _were_ supposed to be dating. And they were friends. Huh.

“Sure. But food first?”

“It is about that time, isn’t it? Okay. Lunch first.”

*****

Solo week number one. Everyone had finished warming up. Yeosang bounced from foot to foot. Which song would it be?

Wooyoung poked him in the shoulder. “Guess what?” 

“There’s a secret admirer leaving rose petals outside your dorm room, and love notes cut into hearts are slid under your door at night.”

“Flowers and hearts are _not_ me.”

“Did I say it was for you? Could be Jongho.”

“He’d hate that.”

“He likely would. I wonder if he’d start a mini bonfire.”

“Your brain is so—.”

“Creative? Yes, I know.”

“I’m ignoring you, now. San!”

“Yes, Wooyoung.”

“Guess what?”

“Something important’s going to happen.”

“Yes! How’d you guess?”

“You talked to the club president last week. You’re giddy right now. Which means you got what you wanted. Must’ve been important to you.”

“That’s so _rational_.”

“If you want wild flights of imaginative exposition, you’re talking to the wrong person.”

“The two of you.” Wooyoung scowled.

“Opposites attract?” Yeosang offered, smiling at him.

Wooyoung paused, then cleared his throat. “I guess they do. _Anyway_ , be prepared!” He grinned and jogged toward the front of the class.

“Oh, no.”

“What?”

“That grin? That’s his smirk-y grin. You could offer him the riches of the world, and he’d turn them down, for whatever he’s about to spring on all of us.”

Wooyoung stood front and center and waited patiently—until the club president, shaking her head, started the music. Jimin’s “Lie.” And he began to dance. Yeosang laughed softly. He looked around the room. Definite surprise. He leaned closer to San and gently pushed his lower jaw shut. The other jolted.

“Why aren’t you watching?” San hissed. “We have to learn _this_ in two sessions!”

“ _This_ came out in 2016. When we were still in high school. Jimin is Wooyoung’s favorite idol. Who do you think watched him practice over and over? Who do you think he made practice with him? I know this choreo better than most others I’ve ever learned.”

“So you can do it, already?”

“Like Wooyoung, no. He etched it into his heart. Even performed it as a solo piece at his school talent show, though he was already more into art than dance. I haven’t done it in years, but I don’t completely forget choreo I repeat that many times. Wonder how he persuaded the club president to let him teach it.”

“The _footwork_ , Yeosang.”

“The fast hops? Like he’s trying to escape, evade all that’s trying to entangle him? It’s beautiful. Have to be precise on it, hit all the beats. But solo weeks are meant to challenge. You know that.”

“I thought you said the second week was fun.”

“It is. But it’s more about approach? And the songs are less serious. Helps shake off the tension of reading week for a while.”

When Wooyoung strutted back to them, a grin on his face, Yeosang grabbed him by the shoulders. “Wooyoung-ah. I love you. I know you love me. But now, the painful truth has _finally_ been revealed. You love _him_ more.” He sighed and turned away to face the mirror.

“Not _one_ congratulations? Not one ‘you did well!’? Just criticism?”

“What did you expect? You put my face on a zombie sea serpent. A snake. ‘Smooth like a snake.’ You thought about this song when drawing me, your muse. I’m wounded. But at least now? Now I know.”

“Bow and curtain,” San observed dryly.

“For _that_ , I’m not helping either of you.”

“You think I need your help to teach San? Who’d you learn this choreo _with_ , Wooyoung?” He smiled sweetly. “Besides, you have to instruct _everyone_. Go back to the front.” He made shooing motions. “Have fun!”

Not that it was easy to help someone learn “Lie.” Jimin had made himself look weightless, at times, then it’d change, like the lies doubled the effect of gravity. It was an elegant, painful fight of a dance. He was grateful the memory flooded back as quickly as he’d hoped. Would’ve been embarrassing, otherwise.

Though as they worked through it piece by piece, the song replaying, the lyrics began to cling uncomfortably. They fit his experiences this term too well. He’d been lying to quite a few people. It wasn’t hell, but it was messy. Was he still the same person he’d been before? It had begun so simply, but now it was controlling his life. He couldn’t run away from the stories he’d helped create. And he’d added more lies to them.

When he dropped to one knee, for the two pulled punches at the ground…he wished he could hit through. He stayed on the floor, panting. Even if Hyunjin and he really did become friends again, there was the lie of him and San. And with Wooyoung and San, there was the lie of him and Hyunjin. And everyone who knew him, who knew them, thought it was all real. Lies that would stick forever.

He shoved himself up and walked to his bag. Lies you could drown in. Lies he was definitely caught in. He poured a little water on his hand, and rubbed it into the back of his neck. He could feel himself being watched. He didn’t care.

*****

“Stop. Hovering. I’m fine. How many times do I have to repeat myself?”

“Your ankle is still wrapped.”

“For _stability_ , not for compression. There’s no swelling. It doesn’t hurt to walk on. I’m only favoring it because it hasn’t even been a full week, so I have to be a little careful.”

“How do you know that’s good enough?”

“San, I swear! You _did_ take a couple years of dance! This shit happens. Do you not recall how within a minute of my stumble, Wooyoung had sprinted to the first aid supplies, and brought me an ice pack wrapped in cloth? He and I both know what bad looks like, and feels like, and it wasn’t. Just a very minor sprain.”

“The _club president_ came over—”

“Because it’s her responsibility to make sure we’re okay! Was the _dance major_ with her worried at all? No. He brought a chair to elevate my foot and gave me a compression bandage to use later. It was all much more embarrassing than painful.”

It truly had been. By the second meet-up, the lyrics of “Lie,” the weaving back and forth of the dance, they’d gotten into his head. He’d looked into the mirror and in the reflection seen himself, and off to the right, Hyunjin and Felix in perfect synchronization. He’d noticed it the first day—when he was helping San learn, Felix had focused on Wooyoung, quickly absorbed the main elements, then worked with Hyunjin on the details and timing. The second time the club met, two days later, they must have practiced somewhere together. Maybe in Hyunjin’s back yard? He didn’t know. But they were better. And Hyunjin dancing was so beautiful to watch, he’d missed a hop, and fallen. At least no one knew what had distracted him. That would have made the situation far worse.

“But you can’t dance yet. So why even come this week? You could’ve just stayed in your apartment. Done midterm prep.”

“After a long weekend of rest, I _had_ to get out. And like I said, I can walk. I didn’t even have to walk far. There’s a bus stop near where I live. You know that.”

“I know, I know. If you need anything—”

“If you want to help so much, go try to learn whatever dance has been assigned. I can cheer you on…or I can laugh.” He smiled.

“I changed my study times to be laughed at?”

“It would be _sincere_ laughter.”

San rolled his eyes, but finally, finally left Yeosang alone. It was frustrating, being sidelined during one of the most entertaining weeks of the semester. And he felt bad, since it was only because of him that San was here. But to have stayed home? In his tiny apartment? The club president had driven him home last week, even helped him up the stairs, and he’d been grateful, but resting had been so _boring_.

Wooyoung had stopped by the next day with some food, but it’d been a quick visit after class, before he leapt into study mode. He hoped San’s portrait from the photographs had turned out okay. If he was finished with it. He’d forgotten to ask. He would, later. For now, he’d just lean against the wall, his very slightly damaged ankle outstretched to the side, the other leg pulled in, to rest his arms on. What _was_ the song going to be?

When he saw the instructor was the club president’s girlfriend, the dance major who’d flawlessly won the solos and duets with “Dally,” hope tinged with glee began to dispel the muddle of irritation and resignation in his mind. Because of her, the rules had been changed. He’d helped a little, pointing out the easy solution of a new vote, but it had been her choice to cover the song. Reading week dance lessons were fun, but if she, a soon to graduate senior, had decided to go full ahead, and give an overlooked idol (in the club) their due, this was her chance. He peeked at the club president. She had a faint smile on her face.

“This song is well-known. So is the artist. Last year, she left her old agency. This year, she’s found what will be a better home. There is a link between this reading week song and the spring semester reading week song. Not in the lyrics. Not in the choreo. But officially, a link between the two artists. Any ideas?”

Who’d left an agency in 2018? Was connected with PSY? Because it was his song they’d danced to, in spring. Oh. This was going to be _good_. He was suddenly glad he wasn’t dancing. He didn’t have quite enough confidence to cover a song by HyunA. But San did. And, well, Hyunjin did, he could truthfully admit that. Felix, from the glimpses he’d seen, could probably get the technicalities down, but beyond that? He’d never paid enough attention. Looking at the other students’ faces, he wasn’t the only one who’d guessed the artist. San raised an eyebrow at him. He mouthed back “fighting!” and got a head shake in return before the other’s attention refocused on this week’s instructor.

“Forget the music video, if you’ve seen it. Though it’s worth a watch—clever, and how to knock back at haters. We’re learning the choreo. I adapted it to work without the back-up dancers. Let’s have fun.” She grinned. “But do _try_ to get the moves right. I’ll go through it once alone, then we’ll break it down.”

Which song had she chosen?

> Lips, hips, lips, hips,  
>  Li, li, lips, hips, lips

Whoa. Definitely had to have good hip control. Torso rotation. Shoulders—timing.

> Feels like I’m not myself for some reason, yeah  
>  With a cool mindset, I’m feeling more bold

The arm movements. Hand movements. Even when she slowed down, she wasn’t entirely still. Lots of slow sexy, but lots of controlled energy. And that constant hip movement. So much was quick, but then when she slowed down, barely moving, just hand motions and a neck roll. Damn. The confidence to keep people watching with such minimum exertion.

> Can’t express with words  
>  I don’t think I’m in a normal state of mind

Then the dance burst back into life. And through it all, her facial expressions. Wow. The chatter was loud when she finished. His estimate that the sexy song choices would start showing up with groups had been off. Happening a little earlier. But it wasn’t just the sexiness. It was the changes in mood. Vibrant, intense, playful, sensual, and very…self-aware? So much confidence, facial expressions enticing and challenging. More going on than the relatively simple choreo. Though he wasn’t sure how many of the group could actually manage it. Still, it was readings week dance club. Aim for the moves, but if you made them your own, that was fine. Just no freestyling to the mood.

Within half an hour, several people had given up and sat down against the walls. Some he thought might be a little embarrassed. He would have been. Made for a louder cheering section, though. They let out yells of appreciation when the beats were hit, and some of the dancers mastered the hip movements. Felix, he was impressed to note, had little difficulty with the dance. And he managed the drops with ease. Some of his facial expressions were very good, but he would keep breaking into laughter. Completely understandable. Aside from it being a lot to incorporate in a short amount of time, with the shifts in flow, projecting absolute and total self-assuredness was demanding. And that one shift to near stillness, then right back into movement and a different feel entirely? How could any one of them manage that? Almost everyone was laughing mid-dance. The instructor could do it because she’d had so much time to practice. _And_ she was a dance major.

It was impossible for anyone else. Except…maybe not. He kept looking back to Hyunjin and San. Sure, they were laughing at times, too, but refocusing fast. It was difficult to look away from either. They’d each adapted the moves to their own abilities. Which were different. There was a slightly aggressive, yet seductive, draw to San’s performance. He was, as Yeosang had known for a long time, flexible. None of the hip movements were a problem. He saw a few other students paying close attention. He couldn’t blame them. Hyunjin was very…aware, and his intensity was playful, but that lazy walk and the slow spin. The hand moving from one side of his head to the other, just passing over his mouth, and the neck roll. He wasn’t trying to be tempting or alluring, just who he was, which was either or both of those things, when he wanted to be.

 _His_ state of mind definitely didn’t feel normal, watching one, then the other. They were his friends. Both of them, they were both his _friends_.

Maybe he shouldn’t come back, for the second session that week. He’d tell San, who’d probably be grateful to reclaim his study time.

*****

 **KangYS:**  
I completely forgot, again,  
to ask—how did the portrait  
turn out?

 **Magnetic:**  
It looks good, I think.  
I used two photos from when  
you were sitting on the ground.  
In one, you looked relaxed.  
The other, alert.  
So the painting is like…  
catching you between the two?  
Not like you have two faces!  
Just the change from one expression  
to the other.  
It’s interesting.  
I hope the professor will think the same.  
You sure you don’t want to go  
to the second meet-up?

 **KangYS:**  
I’m sure.  
One of my exams this term.  
After I looked over my notes,  
I realized I didn’t have enough of them.  
Notes, that is.  
So I should use the rest of reading week  
for preparation.  
Like most people do.

 **Magnetic:**  
Not because you felt left out?

 **KangYS:**  
No.  
Just more work than I’d thought.  
Thank you for going with me to the first!

 **Magnetic:**  
You’re welcome.  
Don’t know how much I’ll see you  
until after midterms.

 **KangYS:**  
It’s okay. It’s what I’m used to,  
with you and Wooyoung.  
Good luck!

 **Magnetic:**  
Yeah.  
You, too.

*****

Midterms had _not_ been easy. He’d kept remembering his thoughts, watching San and Hyunjin dance. He knew if things had been…different, somehow, with Hyunjin, then maybe…. And San, that lunch and movie date—he shouldn’t call it a date—though it was weeks ago, it had felt…natural, almost? Easy. He hadn’t thought much about it, then, but over the last week? It made him nervous. San had agreed to this fake rebound to oblige him, to help a friend. He’d have done the same for him. Yet here _he_ was, having thoughts. Wondering. A little.

He pulled his jacket closer. A bit too chilly to sit on the ground. And he didn’t want anyone hearing this conversation. They’d think it strange. And if they actually knew either of them, it could lead to problems. They’d agreed through midterms, those were over, and before his thoughts could keep wandering and wondering, he needed their “thing” over. San was his _friend_. He just wished there’d been another place on campus with some little privacy, aside from the place he’d used to hang out with Hyunjin. But there was no reason why anyone else would show up, right after midterms, at this exact spot. It’d be fine.

“Hey! What’d you’d need to talk about, all the way out here?”

San was his _friend_. He turned around, forcing a smile on his face.

“It’s not that far out. Just not a lot of places on campus where there’s privacy.”

“I doubt anyone’s at the library, now that midterms are over.”

“Maybe not, but…no one can overhear us, here.”

“It’s that important?” San looked at him curiously.

How could he not remember? They should have set alerts on their calendars, letting them know the end date to their rebound. Wouldn’t have needed to talk in person.

“It is, and it isn’t? Remember when Hyunjin…asked me out again, and I didn’t know what to do, and Wooyoung had his idea, and I was against it, but then you said it was okay if you agreed to it, because I’d do the same for you?”

“That. Yeah. I remember.”

“You said through midterms. And midterms are over. So—no way,” he gasped in shock. “What the _hell_ are they doing here?”

“Who?” San began to turn.

“ _Don’t_ look around. Who _else_?” he asked bitterly. “Hyunjin. And Felix. _Why_ are they here _now_?”

“Now, when you’re ending our agreement?”

“Of course!”

“It doesn’t have to be bad. It could be perfect.”

“What?”

San licked his lips. Yeosang shut his eyes. Thoughts he shouldn’t have. Had never thought he’d have.

“Just…I just…please don’t be mad at me.”

Actions went beyond thoughts. But San suddenly kissing him? Every wondering, flickering thought he’d had exploded. Not expected. Not at all. But it felt so warm, so _nice_. He shivered as the autumn winds picked up. It snapped him back to reality. He pushed away, eyes wide.

“Why did you do that?” Please say you wanted to. I’m not supposed to think this, but say you wanted to. Say you don’t want this to end.

San hesitated. “Hyunjin won’t feel he has a chance at all now, will he? After seeing that?”

So it meant nothing. Of course. They were just friends. His thoughts were his, alone. It’d only been a favor. A fake rebound for a fake relationship, though San had thought the relationship real. Same way…same way he’d thought that _look_ on Hyunjin’s face in the rehearsal room had meant something. But then he’d called him “baby,” and he’d known it hadn’t meant anything, he’d just been in character. It had never been real, even during the performance, the feeling of tension between them. The kiss was along the same lines. It’d all been to persuade other people to believe things. It didn’t relate to him.

Fake relationships were, as he’d told Hyunjin in the beginning, a bad idea. But he hadn’t thought they’d hurt. That he’d think he saw things, both times, that weren’t there. Even Hyunjin asking him out was from a confused place. It wasn’t real, either.

“No, he won’t. Think he has a chance. After that. Smart ending move. Even though it had to be weird for you.”

“It wasn’t. That wasn’t the only reason—.”

“Please stop. It’s okay. We’re friends. I forgive you. You were just trying to help. You did what you said you’d do. Thank you.” He started to back away. “I mean it. Thank you.”

“Friends? We’re friends?”

“What else would we be?” His voice sounded flat and dull. He had to get away. This, _this_ was the true reason he never asked people out. He couldn’t read them, at all. Even people he was close to. Had he imagined everything? Maybe. He was ten feet away, and San was silent. He glanced quickly around the grassy courtyard—and saw Hyunjin staring at him. Felix had a hand on his arm. Were _they_ a real thing? They’d come together to the photo shoot. They’d seemed increasingly close at the dance meet ups after that, before midterms. Time enough for Hyunjin to have realized his mistake in asking the question that had led to so many lies. Felix hadn’t known about Lee Minho, so anything they might have would be just between them. That…that would be good. For Hyunjin. He deserved the best. But he’d just seen what had to have looked like a real break-up. So just in case—though it seemed highly unlikely he posed any threat—he should keep his distance. Let Felix have his chance. That was fair. If he was any sort of friend, he’d make sure absolutely nothing stood in the way of Hyunjin being happy. He gave him a strained smile, then looked back at San. At least he hadn’t said his thoughts aloud. He hadn’t crossed that line. He tried to smile wider at San. He hoped it looked somewhat convincing. Then he turned around and left.

*****

 **HoldThatNote:**  
Yeosang.

 **KangYS:**  
Yes, Jongho?

 **HoldThatNote:**  
Can you _please_ come get San?

Why was he texting him about San? At night?

 **KangYS:**  
Why would you ask me to do that?  
I live off-campus.

 **HoldThatNote:**  
Because he’s in our room and Wooyoung?  
Not having much luck evicting him.  
_Not_ that he’s trying that hard.  
Not trying at all, really.

 **KangYS:**  
Again, I live off-campus.  
Call Changbin.  
He’s strong enough to take San  
back to their room.  
If you want to sleep so badly.

 **HoldThatNote:**  
I _thought_ you’d say that.  
Not a good idea.  
Watch the video.  
You’ll see why it has to be you.  
(video)

He contemplated blocking Jongho for the night, but it’d be annoying later. It wasn’t his problem that Wooyoung and San were hanging out together. They did that a lot. How did it relate to him? Their fake _thing_ had ended earlier today. He didn’t want to see San anytime soon. Not until he had to. Dance club, he supposed. By then, everything would be…not back to normal. He sighed and clicked play.

Dorm rooms were small, but obviously Jongho hadn’t wanted to be noticed, so the angle was weird, like he’d been half covering the phone with a blanket. He could see San clinging to Wooyoung, and Wooyoung stroking his hair. They both looked…sad. What on earth? Had something happened to either of them? He could barely hear the audio. But that—that was his name. He pushed the volume to the max and listened intently. San saying “I made a mistake.” What mistake? Wooyoung replying something, then “It’s okay. I love you.” He hit pause.

No. It couldn’t be. Wooyoung would’ve told him. Wouldn’t he? He wouldn’t have suggested San as a fake rebound if…but he knew Yeosang had needed help. And he and Wooyoung had been friends their whole lives. San saying it was a mistake. The mistake had to be the kiss. Because he’d meant it only to help, and Yeosang had…had responded. San must have picked up on _something_ , and gone to Wooyoung. Who loved him. Oh, God.

How many clues had he missed? How had he not picked up on his _best friend_ being in love? His best friend, who cared about _him_ enough, and his worries about a relationship that hadn’t even been _real_ , just his paralyzing fear of losing Hyunjin entirely—he’d cared enough to let him pretend to date San. He felt sick. It was supposed to just be friends, and he’d messed up. Maybe…maybe Wooyoung hadn’t thought he’d have a chance? He didn’t know. But right now…right now San was looking to him for comfort, and that—that was a chance, right? So…so he needed to steer clear. What did they _think_ of him? What had San _told_ him? He didn’t share personal details, he’d always thought, but this time? This was different. He didn’t think Wooyoung would be angry, but he should…he should give them space. Together. Alone. If they were together, alone, more, then…then what was obviously _there_ could become more.

He had to keep a distance from San and Wooyoung. To give them a proper chance.

He had to keep a distance from Hyunjin. To give Felix a proper chance.

That’s what friends did. Though he hadn’t been a very good friend, had he? This would make up for it. He hoped. Time. Time and space. Let _real_ things happen. If there was a possibility.

 **HoldThatNote:**  
Aren’t you coming?

Was he _crazy_?

 **KangYS:**  
No.  
San and I broke up.  
Wouldn’t be right.  
I don’t have any advice to give you.  
I’m sorry.  
Please don’t text me about him again.

He deleted the message history. Any new conversation with Jongho would start afresh, without that video being within scrolling distance. It should never have been filmed. It was private. Their moment.

He hoped, very much, that he wouldn’t end up in a dance group with any of the three of them. Not Hyunjin. Not San. Not Wooyoung. It was a nightmare of a thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chaos and complications.....


	3. Act Two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in this update! Friendly reminder: All the main characters in this fic are 21, in Korean years, since this is set in Fall 2019, and I aged up the '00 line by one year. (Partly cause Hyunjin eldest and Wooyoung youngest amused me.) 
> 
> Oh! Also as a visual reminder:  
> ATEEZ members I pictured just pre-Wonderland-era, and SKZ members somewhat after God's Menu-era, just different hair colors, for most. They're mentioned in chapter 1, and differently, here. :)
> 
> The three specific songs/choreos referenced? Are linked in the end notes. :)
> 
> Contact IDs for this chapter:  
> KangYS (Yeosang): Charismatic (Wooyoung) and Hypnotic (Hyunjin)  
> JungWY (Wooyoung): Artist2 (San) and Hyunjin (Hyunjin)
> 
> Things are finally beginning to clear up in the fic! And some characters are surprisingly helpful........ ;)

Yeosang

 **Charismatic:**  
So, uh, Jongho.  
He told me what you said.  
About San. Last night.  
What did you…mean?  
Just, being startled or…?

 **KangYS:**  
Did he show you the video he took of you two?

 **Charismatic:**  
Yeah.  
For once, he’s embarrassed.  
He thought he was doing a good thing because…  
I mean, you saw all of it right?

 **KangYS:**  
No.  
I stopped after San said something about a mistake  
and you said it was okay, you loved him, etc.  
I know the kiss was the mistake.  
Because of universally bad timing,  
Hyunjin and Felix were there, so he thought…  
it would make it clear?  
Or something? I guess?  
I knew he was bound to find out  
the whole “breakup,”  
but I’d rather not have had it be that way.  
San didn’t have to go that far.  
Never a part of the plan.

 **Charismatic:**  
No. That…wasn’t really thought through.  
The kiss.  
You only saw that little bit of the video?

 **KangYS:**  
Of course, Wooyoung!  
It was obviously private—or  
as private as you can _get_ in a dorm,  
with a roommate.  
I don’t know why he sent it to me.

 **Charismatic:**  
Um. What do you…want now?

To give you a chance. San came _to you_. That’s what I want. You to be happy. Don’t put me first.

 **KangYS:**  
Space.  
I don’t hate him or anything.  
That’d be ridiculous. He’s my friend.  
And I’ve forgiven him. But I need space.

 **Charismatic:**  
I can understand that.  
Do you want me to come over?

 **KangYS:**  
If he’s as upset as he seemed,  
it probably wouldn’t help him  
for you to leave him alone.  
I’ll be fine.

 **Charismatic:**  
Okay. I’m sorry.  
I suggested the idea in the first place.  
And now it’s…this.

 **KangYS:**  
I agreed.  
I shouldn’t have.

 **Charismatic:**  
You were just so scared.  
That day.  
I don’t know what went on,  
with you and Hyunjin,  
and maybe I should have asked more.  
Maybe it could have been something  
you could have worked through.  
You don’t always see the obvious.  
Maybe I’d have been a better best friend,  
if I’d thought longer.

 **KangYS:**  
Don’t you think like that!  
You’re an amazing best friend.  
You just wanted to help. You both did.

Even if it meant persuading San to pretend to be mine when you wanted him to be yours.

 **KangYS:**  
It happened. It’s over.  
I’m not upset with anyone.  
Just...some time and space, okay?  
I’m going to try to get a dance rehearsal room.  
Might be doable since just after midterms.  
Need to be sure my ankle is good.  
99% sure it’s fine.  
Just want reassurance before groups are assigned.

 **Charismatic:**  
I guess we’ll see you Tuesday, then?  
Will that be okay?

 **KangYS:**  
Probably.  
But who knows which groups we’ll be assigned to?

*****

“If I could have lent you the key, I would have. I trust you, Yeosang. But the rules are clear.”

“Oh, I understand! Will it truly be okay, though, for me to plug in my music and turn it up? If you’re studying?”

“I’ve been dating a dance major for some time,” the club president said dryly, dropping her bag on the floor near a wall. “I learned to ignore musical distractions. I have my work to focus on.” She sat down and pulled out a book and highlighters, then paused. “Did you want to come here early to make sure your ankle was okay? It is, right?”

“Um,” Yeosang looked at the floor, “it’s fine. I got lucky and got a dance studio over the weekend. To check. Just a lot of unexpected stress last week and dancing is the best way I know of. To get rid of that.”

“Oh, yeah. Midterms can definitely have that effect. Glad your ankle’s healed.” She smiled at him and opened her book.

He turned back to the sound system and hooked up his phone. Today was going to be difficult. The first time seeing San—and Hyunjin and Felix—since Friday. The first time since he’d figured out how to be a better friend. It wasn’t going to be easy. He didn’t know why Wooyoung was keeping his feelings hidden. Maybe he thought it would make their friendship of three awkward? It wouldn’t, to him. Things would change, but he knew he wouldn’t be cast aside. Maybe he didn’t think San could return his feelings? He had no idea. But it had to be a good sign that San has gone straight to him after...he winced...that mistaken kiss.

If he made sure the two of them had more time together, alone, it ought to provide more opportunities. Them alone meant he’d be alone, which wasn’t that wonderful, but it was for a good cause, and he felt like he _had_ to atone, for being so unaware. He scrolled through his playlists. Energetic songs. He definitely needed that kind of feeling. Determination to give everyone the best chances. He hit play.

He walked near the center of the room, just to feel the luxury of space. Not something he had in a studio apartment. Though at least he had privacy. More than any of his close friends had. It must make romantic moves awkward. Uncomfortable thought. He placed his water bottle on the ground and started stretching, the lyrics of BTS’s “Fire” filling the air. Hyunjin and Felix...he didn’t know what was going on there. But he’d seen the hand on Hyunjin’s arm. It _could_ just be friendship, he supposed. Maybe he’d confided in Felix—they were in the same major, and had known each other as long as he’d known San—about being turned down, and told him about the photo shoot, and Felix had felt...protective?

He frowned. That didn’t make much sense—he’d kept San company while Hyunjin had asked questions about his “rebound” relationship. Which it hadn’t been, but the two of them were the only ones who knew that. Nothing further had been said after that day, and during dance club meetings, he’d noticed the other two sitting close, talking a lot. It was difficult not to notice what Hyunjin was doing. Even when he was determined he wouldn’t look. Which had led to the sprained ankle. Which had led to sitting out “Lip and Hip.” Which had led to him watching everyone—then slowly realizing he could only watch two people. Mesmerized by each of them. Horrified to realize he was attracted to both of them. His friends. “Bring It” by SEVENTEEN jerked him out of his thoughts. Which was good, since they didn’t help his mood. He turned his attention back to practicalities. By the song’s emphatic ending, he was ready to dance.

Song after song flowed through the speakers. When songs had choreo, and he could remember parts, he did his best to duplicate the moves and sequences. It was weird, but a little thrilling, being the only person dancing in this giant mirrored room. He could see himself everywhere he looked. Not hidden by others. Not that he’d been hidden during the duet with Hyunjin. He shivered. He could never have performed that, if his thinking _then_ had been similar to that damn “Lip and Hip” dance lesson. Good thing they’d only been acting out roles in the story he created.

If Felix _was_ interested in Hyunjin, he should, like he’d thought Friday, keep a distance there, too. He wanted his friends to be happy. If he went near Hyunjin, whom he’d supposedly dated and broken up with, only then to have rebounded with San, it’d look like he was trying to get back together with him and the gossip would be unpleasant for everyone. Including Felix—especially if he wanted to be more than a friend?

At least he’d be able to focus on coursework. And he had friends in his department he could eat lunch with. And the group dance competition would take up a few evenings. Any extra time? His apartment would work. This wouldn’t last forever. He stopped to drink some water.

Ailee’s “Room Shaker” pierced the air and he heard a burst of laughter. He looked at the club president. He shrugged, recapped the bottle, and set it back down. He liked the song. She closed her book, put her supplies away, and walked toward him.

“You know the choreo?”

“Not really. But her voice? Love her voice. And it’s a fun song.”

“It is that. We got about forty-five minutes before people start showing up. Okay if I warm up and join you until they arrive?”

That much time had passed?

“Sure.” He smiled at her. She stepped away to begin her own stretching and he looked at the mirror. Yep. His hair was already half-plastered to his forehead from sweat. Wasn’t like he had anyone to impress, though—the group leaders selecting people wouldn’t care, and _he_ didn’t have someone he was trying to win over.

He needed to stay focused on his goals. Keep a distance, but act mostly normal. Him not sitting anywhere near San—he felt bad about that, because it wasn’t San’s fault, it was his own—would be interpreted quickly. But Wooyoung would be with him. And group assignments were today, so he wouldn’t be sitting alone for long.

He came out of his reflections to realize Infinite’s “Bad” was about halfway over. He’d loved this song when it came out. And hearing it _loud_ in this room. Yessssss. The president made her way over, head bobbing, a grin on her face, a sway to her steps. It was just that kind of song. You couldn’t stay still.

They had maybe half an hour left. Which song would be next?

EXO-CBX’s “Blooming Day.” Oh, the irony. But the woman standing next to him was amused.

“This song,” she said merrily, “is how I was asked out. Oh, she changed boyfriend to girlfriend, but it was this exact song, spring last year, the weekend after midterms! I didn’t even want to be in a campus building, but she insisted I meet her in a dance studio. Said I’d regret it if I didn’t. Can you believe she had the nerve to say that?”

“Seeing as how she chose ‘Dally’ this year?”

“Not for the lyrics!” She said quickly. “We’re good. We’ve always been good.”

“Oh! I wasn’t—not the lyrics. But anyone confident enough to dance _that_? I could see such a person...saying something like that.” He smiled.

“I would have regretted it. Not because of a missed chance, but because if I’d said no, she’d fully planned to take over the first few minutes of the dance club meeting the first Tuesday after. And performed it then. In front of everyone.”

“Oh. That’s...”

“Shameless? Sorta. You were a club member then, right? Imagine having seen that.”

“I’d have hidden my face.”

“That’s because you’ve got good manners. Most would’ve filmed it. Good thing I went to the studio. Would never have lived that down.” She shook her head. “Do you know the choreo? She taught it to me, but it’s been so long, it’s fuzzy.”

He bit his lip. “I was sort of obsessed with the song when it came out. The footwork and the timing. How wonderfully rhythmic it was. Not even the main dancers of EXO, and they did _that_! I couldn’t manage all the movement in my apartment—you saw how small it is—but making as much space as I could, it was enough to practice, over and over, that one absolutely wild synchronized head tilt, hand and wrist spin, side kick, heel touch-knee touch combo. They were so _fast_. The rest, I remember parts of.”

“Wanna try? I can go put the song on loop.”

Another person actually wanting to dance with him. Sure, they were the only two people in the room, but she didn’t have to ask, could’ve just let the song end with her story. It made him feel...warm.

“I’d love to.”

She grinned and jogged to the sound system.

Not before Hyunjin would this have happened. He owed it to him, to try to make space in his....his friend’s life for happiness. No matter what.

The song started up again, and the two of them did their best. Wasn’t there a slide here? A spin there? A hand clap or was that later? A swinging kick? Then _that_ part. They let the song play out as he demonstrated the sequence that had driven him half-mad last year.

When the song started again, maybe they were getting some parts actually right—he thought they were—but it didn’t matter, because it felt so wonderful. She yelled at him to spin, and he laughed. Up came that part again—and he guessed this was why she was the club president. She nailed it. To his delight, so did he. Their timing wasn’t exact, but who could manage that without weeks of training?

She stopped, so he did, too.

“I tried counting in my head. It’s 17 or 18 seconds after the repeated ‘I want to give you everything’ that the sequence starts. Can we try it one more time? I would love to show her I remember.”

“Sure. Surprised no one has made this a group dance.”

“Most of us don’t have the time during term to do a perfectly synced cover.“

There was that. The dance majors who’d covered the SEVENTEEN performance unit song had to have squeezed in practice for the club at every spare moment. In addition to their regular classes and rehearsals.

The music swept around, and he thought they were doing better with what they remembered of the choreo. In the mirror’s reflection, off to the side, he could see people slowly coming in the door, and instantly blocked them. Distractions wrecked timing. They were near the end of the first half, a mental stopwatch ready to begin as soon as that one line repeated.

> So baby, can I be your boyfriend, can I?  
>  (All I need is love babe)  
>  If you want, I want to give you everything.

Start. Shoulder moves. Head snap down and up. Elbows, knees, something like that, anyway, then that sequence. And they were sort of in sync. It felt fantastic.

“Our song!”

He hastily stepped back as a slim frame rushed past him to sweep the other woman into a hug.

“Was this for me?”

“Ah, not _planned_ for you. Yeosang wanted to dance a while, and when this came up on shuffle, I asked if we could run through it. He remembered more than I did. But yeah,” she beamed, “I wanted to see if I could get enough down to show you.”

Not a conversation he was meant to be part of. He picked up his water bottle and headed to the sound system. He felt tired, but not overly so. Dancing that long had helped clear his mind. Also left him thirsty. Stupid, when he knew better. He uncapped the bottle, drained it, then flattened it as best he could before putting the cap back on. Time to let the meeting go as planned. He stopped the song, unplugged his phone, and walked to his bag. The phone he slid carefully into a compartment. The empty bottle he dropped next to the bag—he’d dispose of it in recycling later. The room felt so much quieter without his music playing.

He turned around and halted before making another move. Why were so many people looking at him? Sure, it wasn’t like he’d ever done anything like this before that they knew of—showed up early to dance—but it wasn’t abnormal enough to get stares. They were all dancers. Dance was a joy, but it could also relieve stress. For all they knew, like the club president had assumed, his stress had been due to midterms.

Some people looked approving. Maybe he’d made a good impression? His eyes wandered over the thirty-odd students. Wooyoung and San looked on edge. Well, he hadn’t seen them or talked to them in a few days and they all knew the reason. Meters away sat Hyunjin and Felix. They, too, had peculiar looks on their faces. Why...oh. Oh. The lyrics. The reason why he’d thought the song ironic when it first come up on shuffle. He’d forgotten about them, except as a way to figure out when that one sequence occurred.

> So baby, can I be your boyfriend, can I?

One “ex” and another...no one yet knew he could now be publicly labeled the same, but someone he’d dated right after the first “relationship” ended. To the individuals involved, beneath the lies, was being asked out by one and being kissed by another. And he’d not been talking to any of them. And they’d walked in on him happily dancing to a song with such a theme, and such a refrain. He didn’t want to walk back over to the rest of the group. He really, really didn’t. Were the stares because people thought him light-minded?

If he walked over there and sat alone, after that song, gossip. If he...if he sat down right here, he could claim fatigue. Until the teams were selected. That might work. So he did.

He hadn’t counted on the club president quickly making her way to him and hunching over to ask if he was okay. He was ready with the lie, that he’d been too tired, he needed a bit, but the words wouldn’t come. So, instead, with her body a foot away, blocking his face from almost everyone else at the other end of the room, he told part of the truth.

“Not okay,” he said softly. “The stress wasn’t midterms. Personal. Breakup.”

“Oh, no,” she whispered. “Again?”

He pulled his shoulders inwards. It looked just like that, didn’t it?

“Bad idea, dating friends. Then, um, they came in during that song. The chorus. So...it probably looks strange to everyone. Look worse when they find out both are over. I’m the common factor. I can deal with any fall-out from that, but for right now, can I just sit here? I’ll move when the groups are announced, I promise.”

“Fall-out? Do you think you’re at fault?”

“Not the way people might think.” How could there be any faults, when neither relationship had ever existed? “Both were mutual mistakes. It’s just...very awkward, right now.”

She pressed her lips together.

“I hate seeing joy drained out of people. Staying here is fine. You’ve heard the speech before. Rest until your name’s called.”

He nodded his head, and closed his eyes. He’d fix things, still. Just not right now. He clamped down on the thoughts threatening to spin out of control. He’d make it through this.

*****  
Wooyoung

 **JungWY:**  
This is not good.

 **Artist2:**  
A lot is not good right now.

 **JungWY:**  
There is no way he chose that song  
on purpose. Aside from the fact  
he’d obviously been dancing for…  
well, it looked like a solid couple hours,  
he was dancing with the club president  
and you heard her girlfriend yell out  
“our song”—just…timing and…everything.

 **Artist2:**  
I saw how happy he was.  
To dance with someone.  
And I saw his face light up  
like I’ve never seen it before  
when _that_ group called him to join.  
Must be what he’s wanted for years.  
to have people single him out  
for dancing. And I missed it.  
We both missed it.  
So what if he doesn’t notice  
someone liking him.  
What is _that_ in comparison  
to his friends not noticing  
a dream he must have held for—  
how many years?

 **JungWY:**  
And now I feel worse.

 **Artist2:**  
Sorry.  
Just—I know I made a mistake.  
But him not talking to _you_ ,  
forget me, for days.  
Wanting to stay away so much  
he sat by himself near the sound equipment?  
All I could do was think over everything.  
Was it because it was Hyunjin?  
Or would a similar effect have happened  
if I’d _noticed_? If I’d just asked,  
even as a _friend_ , in spring?  
After he’d broken up with that guy, last fall.  
What then?  
Wouldn’t be where we are now.  
Might have been…a chance.  
But no. Didn’t see it. No one saw it.  
Except Hyunjin.  
And now we’re in a group with him.

 **JungWY:**  
That’s what I meant to say,  
when I first texted, but other points….  
Yeosang said he needed space and time.  
It’s just…waiting.  
Until he feels less awkward.  
I can’t think of anything  
I haven’t already said,  
except given how he reacted,  
it’s good he didn’t watch the whole video.

 **Artist2:**  
No shit.  
I’m sure I’d be forgiven  
but him forgetting? How?

 **JungWY:**  
He couldn’t.  
But he didn’t watch it,  
so we just…  
Sigh.  
I’m so sorry, San.

 **Artist2:**  
It’ll be okay. Eventually.  
Him needing space?  
Gives me time to get my brain where it  
used to be.  
If as nothing else, I want my friend back.  
Don’t want to talk about it anymore.  
Our group? That’s better.

 **JungWY:**  
Yeah…covering Red Velvet’s  
“Really Bad Boy” with the club president,  
her girlfriend, Hyunjin of all people,  
and us. Weird picks.

 **Artist2:**  
Maybe not.  
You weren’t there for the HyunA lesson.  
He’s good. He wasn’t bothered by  
covering a song with that choreo.

 **JungWY:**  
Neither were you.  
From what you said.

 **Artist2:**  
Why would I be?  
It’s dance.  
What’s going to be difficult,  
is trying to match up our different styles.  
You saw the live performance video.

 **JungWY:**  
And how excited our group leader was.  
Maybe the 3 of us are like a project?  
You and I, we did our duets.  
Smooth moves, but intense.  
Hyunjin, with Yeosang, theirs was intense, too.  
“Really Bad Boy” is way more controlled, and playful.  
If she can get us to…  
somehow manage something like that?  
I guess she’d feel satisfied.

 **Artist2:**  
I guess.  
Just need to remind myself  
he helped Yeosang when we didn’t.  
And he probably feels  
weirder, being with us.

 **JungWY:**  
It could’ve been worse.  
He’s not a pain in the ass,  
he works hard,  
he’ll want to do well.  
So while we wait, let’s focus  
on this choreo. Three nights a week  
isn’t rough. The two club days,  
then Friday nights.  
Bonus to her position, to secure  
us dance practice rooms.  
And then we always have our coursework.

 **Artist2:**  
Which is to say distractions.  
From waiting.

 **JungWY:**  
We have to do those things anyway!  
So focus on those.  
Yeosang can’t be rushed.

*****  
Yeosang

GOT7’s “Never Ever.” He’d had no memory of seeing it, when as a group, they’d watched the dance practice and live stages. That was a disadvantage. But he’d been included with some of the most competitive members of the club. He really _had_ been noticed. The excitement had pushed all his worries to the side. A mix of dance majors and people like him, four women and three men. Felix was in the group, too, which felt odd, but he _had_ , before, noticed how quickly the other picked up new moves. At least he wasn’t in a group with San or Hyunjin or Wooyoung—though all of them being selected by the club president and her girlfriend was strange. He wished them luck, but he needed to make sure his group leader’s choice wasn’t regretted. He wished the cover selection had been different, but it wasn’t like _he_ chose a song about wanting to get back together with someone, promising never to leave.

He’d relaxed when he heard how often the group leader thought they should meet to practice. More time to improve, though he’d keep watching the videos and studying the hell out of his assigned idol’s moves. He wouldn’t have time to be around other people, if asked. Between the group schedule and his classes, he’d be swamped.

Which would give Wooyoung more time alone with San. Same major, same classes, but...maybe it sometimes _did_ take seeing the person you want being with someone else to realize what you wanted?

“You’re hard to track down.”

Yeosang lifted his head from a comparison of two sets for one scene—he could, within a play, say where certain objects should be, but actual stage designs could give different impressions. Unless the play’s stage directions were very detailed, but even then….

“Too chilly to sit still and read outside. Normally, I’d go home, but I won’t have the time to do that, on our practice days. Especially don’t want to be late tonight. First impressions and all.”

Felix pulled the opposite library chair out and sat down.

“Oh, yeah. You don’t live on campus, either, do you?”

Either. Like Hyunjin.

“No. Not too bad of a bus ride, but going there, trying to study, hoping traffic doesn’t delay my return? Too big a gamble. I’ve got to do well. Better to stay on campus.”

“Even though we’re meeting five nights a week?”

He shrugged. “Won’t have to come to campus at all on Saturdays, and Mondays will seem a treat.”

Why had Felix “tracked him down”? They’d see each other in a dance studio, for their first Wednesday practice, in a couple hours.

“Right. I have a friend who tells me procrastinating is one of the worst things a person can do, so I won’t do it. I don’t know them, but your friend and your boyfriend, in the same group as Hyunjin, they’re nice people, yeah? They won’t, uh, make it difficult for him, since he’s your, um, ex-boyfriend?”

Yeosang frowned. Protective. He’d guessed that correctly about Felix, but how could he think he was still with San? After seeing them Friday?

“Wooyoung and San are both nice people. They’d never try to make anyone’s life difficult.” He paused. He had to tread carefully. Protective friend or protective…something else? “But San and I, we broke up Friday. I’m not dating anyone.”

Felix looked horrified. “Oh, no. I thought we’d walked in on something private, you looked so…hurt. I tried to get Hyunjin away, but he wouldn’t move. Not until after you left. You had an audience for a break-up, that’s even worse, I am _so sorry_.”

“No way you could have known. You didn’t do anything wrong. You don’t need to apologize.”

If San hadn’t kissed him, it would have just looked like what it should have: a conversation. Was that why Felix’s hand had been on Hyunjin’s arm? Trying to pull him away? Maybe he’d been worried? Friends could worry and do the wrong thing. Like Wooyoung taking a while to understand when he said he needed space, he _meant it_. He’d have to deal with that, soon. Wooyoung wanted to fix things. Silently waiting as long as he had—well, now he knew how stressful it was. Having waited to hear from Hyunjin after their “break up.” He’d text him—them, he needed to text them both, and re-establish normalcy. He’d do that tonight, after this first practice. Before he saw them tomorrow.

“Yeosang?”

“Yes? See, that’s something to apologize for. Drifting off. That was rude of me. Is there anything else I can do for you? Other than promise neither San nor Wooyoung would ever be less than polite to Hyunjin. Not that our club president would tolerate poor behavior in her team, anyway.”

“Uh, no,” Felix mumbled. He stood up and pushed the chair back into position. “I’m still sorry.”

He probably wanted to leave, and let Hyunjin know. If they were friends or potential more than friends. Maybe this was a sign things would start to improve? Clearing up misunderstandings?

“I’ll see you in a little while, then.” He smiled and forced his attention back to his work.

*****

His body ached. It’d been a few years since he’d needed to pay such strict attention to form. Would all be worth it, though. Meeting the standards of this team should cement the overall opinion shift of him as a dancer. He finished toweling off his hair and sat down on his bed. Good thing he hadn’t gotten that much taller, after high school. Lounge clothing soft with age made wonderful sleepwear. He picked up his phone. He didn’t think Wooyoung had guessed he knew, so he had to seem as normal as possible. Too busy to get together—which was true—normal, and calm.

We3

 **KangYS:**  
Just had our first real practice.  
You two?

He looked around his apartment as he waited for a response. All a student could need, and then some. His parents had been generous. Everything, excepting the tiny washroom, was in one large room, but it was bigger than many students could lay claim to. Smaller than others. Slightly run down, older neighborhood, but safe. And fairly quiet. He was very glad he didn’t have a roommate. Though it’d been nice, last fall, to have his _real_ boyfriend over. His real ex-boyfriend. How he’d suddenly realized, after all the effort it took to get into their school, that the arts weren’t worth the trouble still baffled Yeosang. He hoped he was finding some contentment studying whatever practical degree he’d left Seoul to pursue.

 **Charismatic:**  
Already? Wow.  
We start tomorrow.  
During dance club.  
Those two days plus Fridays,  
that’s our schedule.  
You? Your group?

 **KangYS:**  
We get two nights off a week.

 **Charismatic:**  
For real?  
I mean, I know some of the members  
in your team are kind of…driven,  
but three extra nights of practice?  
On top of courses and all?

 **KangYS:**  
Driven might be an understatement.  
It’s okay, though.

 **Magnetic:**  
I’m really glad they picked you.  
After your almost first place,  
I bet the other team leaders  
had you on their lists.  
Seniority rules, though.

It felt okay. Sort of like tiptoeing, but that was better than silence. He needed to make it clear how busy he’d be, so Wooyoung could maybe…grab an opportunity.

 **KangYS:**  
You know the only downside  
to studying playwriting?  
Classes in stage design.  
I know I need to understand,  
so I don’t write unrealistic plays,  
but it’s a struggle.  
I got lucky, though!  
A few of us are going to start meeting  
for lunch a few times a week.  
To talk things over.

 **Magnetic:**  
Technical has to be better than  
acting, right? You hated that class.

No protests over the implication that he wouldn’t be able to meet them for lunch. He hadn’t expected that—unless Wooyoung had already taken a step? No way to know. He just had to hope.

 **KangYS:**  
So many techniques.  
So many lines to memorize.  
No decisions in which role you read.  
I’d rather give up all sweets entirely,  
forever, than endure an acting class again.

 **Charismatic:**  
You did _not_ just say that!

 **Magnetic:**  
Only because he knows he doesn’t  
have to do such a terrible thing.  
But speaking of food…eat enough, okay?  
Don’t forget.  
Especially since you’ve got that  
many rehearsals a week.  
And I doubt your classmates nag  
as successfully as Wooyoung.

 **Charismatic:**  
I would be violently offended by that comment.  
Except it relates to the health of  
my muse and best friend so…  
I’ll let it slide. This once.  
Get some rest, Yeosang.  
You probably need it.

 **KangYS:**  
Since practice reminded me of  
that dance instructor in our 2nd year  
of high school? I’ll take the suggestion.  
See you two tomorrow.  
I’ll wave from our corner.

*****

One week later, Yeosang had come to three conclusions. First, the group leader was a perfectionist. Second, idols should never be allowed to wear baggy clothes in practice videos—bright lights and a fixed camera could not make up for being unable to see all the moves they were expected to incorporate in their cover. Third, he missed his friends.

He’d known it’d be difficult to juggle his schedule with so many rehearsals, but he hadn’t realized how long some rehearsals would be. Downside of being in a group with three dance majors—they had no problem getting practice rooms. Just change who was asking, and it was granted. And if two of them asked for back to back usage of one room on a Friday night? Simply done. He _was_ eating, he could reassure Wooyoung and San of that in their infrequent texts. It was a priority. So were assignments. Then dance rehearsals. Then sleep. That last should have been the easiest. But it wasn’t. Which was not good, but who didn’t bless the people who made caffeinated drinks? At least he rested, when he couldn’t sleep.

“If not the library, then here?”

He didn’t bother opening his eyes or moving from the bench.

“Was at the library. Finished work. Wanted outside. Only place on campus people don’t overrun. Don’t know why.”

“It’s a hike.”

“Felix, you’re from a country dozens of times larger than Korea. I’ll accept the word ‘hike’ from you if we’re talking about mountains, but other than that, no.”

“The other grassy spots are bigger, and closer to the campus convenience store. Or the dorms.”

“Believably lazy answer.”

The bench shifted when Felix sat down.

“Is it prettier here in spring?”

Spring. He’d come here a lot with Hyunjin in spring. He’d wanted not to think, until tonight’s practice, but if this conversation was going where he thought it might, he’d have to be careful.

“Yes.”

“This place is still okay to come to? Even though….”

“Even though it’s associated with two exes?”

“Only one, isn’t it? Since you and Hyunjin…that was fake on the very first day.”

_What?_

He twisted sideways, eyes alert.

“How did you know that? He made me promise not to tell. _He_ promised not to tell!”

“He only told me after you turned him down when he asked you out, for real. He kind of had to. He was too upset and I wouldn’t let him leave my room until he told me why.”

“Your room? Upset?” He’d sounded calm in the texts. He’d seemed calm when he saw him not long after, at that dance club meeting.

“I live in the International House, you know. They must think we’d whine if our dorms were as small as the regular…so sometimes Hyunjin and Changbin come over to my room. We play games. Or talk. Laugh.”

He missed hearing Hyunjin’s laugh. But like for Wooyoung, he’d promised to give space. And how could he have justified even texting an ex, with Felix seemingly _right there_?

“That Tuesday, he was nervous. And when it took a while for you to respond, he knew what you’d say—no. But expecting and seeing are different. Telling me helped. Enough for him to get through the club meeting.”

Had he been upset at home, later? Alone and upset? He’d done that. But what choice had he had? Dammit.

“He…he was just barely over Lee Minho. Oh, wait! Did he tell you about that? About why it started?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. That would’ve been terrible, to have brought that up. Betraying a secret. Um. What was I saying? He was barely over him. People don’t—they can’t—they shouldn’t like other people so quickly. And you can’t get over someone and then be with another?”

“Really? Because you and San, that was really fast, and you’d seemed good with Hyunjin—“

“You just said you knew he and I, it was fake.”

”No. I said I knew it started off as fake.”

Careful, careful, careful. How much had Hyunjin told him?

“Starting…being. Same thing. There was a time limit. We agreed through the first competition. I didn’t think it’d really make his crush jealous, but it seemed harmless. When I asked him how it was going and he said he was congratulated, I felt awful so I said we could stop. The competition, I mean, but—“

“Wait. Didn’t you want to win?”

He hated lies. He really hated lies. And not knowing which versions of the lies other people knew. At least this was easy truth.

“I didn’t think we’d win. But I did badly want…to be…seen. For us both to be seen. More than our faces. But if it was going to hurt him, be a constant reminder—I could’ve just told the club president my work load got too much. I almost never duck out, so she’d have believed me. He said no, though, that he....”

Hyunjin had said he’d wanted the others to see him. Yeosang. But he couldn’t repeat that. And Felix was so good. His solo had gotten a lot of applause. All his friends were such incredibly talented dancers. In fact, if people hadn’t started off talking about Hyunjin’s looks, he wouldn’t have needed to step in, to stop it, because they _would_ have talked about his skill, and...he would never have been his friend. Not that he had him as a friend now. Maybe, like San had said, he might never have him back again. In any way. Not the time to think about that. This wasn’t about _him_.

“I’m sorry. Trying to recall what he said. He wanted to be noticed, too, you know? He’s such a brilliant dancer. So,” he dragged in a breath, “he asked that we keep up the whole fake thing. He said it felt comfortable to him. I thought it might be? After finding out he wasn’t liked back. That being comfortable? Might help. So...yeah. That’s the story.”

“He said it was comfortable?”

“Yes.”

“Wow.”

“Anyway. Is he doing okay? With his group? The whole group, I mean?”

“You don’t want to ask San because you just broke up?”

“Um, you know it wasn’t a rebound, I guess. Wooyoung and San don’t. They thought Hyunjin and I were…real. I couldn’t tell them I’d lied to them. And I couldn’t explain why it even started, not my story to tell. But still. San and me. It didn’t work. And it’s...a little awkward right now. Talking to them. Him. I do hope they’re doing okay with the cover.”

Felix looked at him curiously, like he was debating something, then smiled.

“They’re doing pretty good. The club president and her girlfriend are strict. Not sure if they’re bent on beating our group or what, but Hyunjin said they’re pushing the three of them hard.”

Better topic, much better topic.

“I looked up a performance. How are they handling the, uh, ass pats?”

“Like...air-tapping?”

Yeosang tried to visualize that. A good work around for a mixed gender group. But it’d look even…cuter. His lips trembled as he fought back a sudden fit of laughter.

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to watch them perform.”

“Why not?” Felix looked taken aback.

“It’s just…you don’t know Wooyoung and San. But the cute and playful elements?” He struggled for control of his voice. “Wooyoung will embrace those without any regrets. Yeah, he can do sexy and he’s proud of it, but he’s just as proud, if not…if not more so, of how he can make _cute-sexy_ work when it shouldn’t. Which means he will come the closest to the right vibe for _that_ Red Velvet song, so San and Hyunjin will probably have to match him. If I have to watch that, I will lose it. Which would be an insult to their hard work.”

Felix’s eyes were sparkling. “No, see, now I _really_ want to see it.”

“I can imagine Hyunjin doing something cute, for fun. And well, he did great with HyunA. But…to match Wooyoung…try to imagine him doing a blend of Sunmi’s ‘Gashina,’ and Girl’s Generation’s ‘Gee.’ At the same time.”

“That’s not possible.”

“Oh, but it is. And San? San can do bits and pieces of cute, but sustained? And matching Wooyoung as well? All the while….all the while those _lyrics_. And Red Velvet, they’re amazing, but that part where they hop up and down? They’ll have to do that in the cover, too. Sexy, playful, cute, little naughty and provocative, but then like they’re jumping rope. _Coordinated_ , Felix. With the two women who decided to do this song in the first place! In front of the entire club. Where the end of the song is almost entirely repeating one line.”

> You’re a bad boy and you’re bad for me

“How can I take that seriously? But they’re working hard, you said, so I guess I’ll have to.” He sighed.

“Yeosang?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask you a question? About when he asked you out and you said no, because you were already seeing San?”

And he thought he’d managed to change the topic entirely. Did Felix need reassurance? He’d known that might happen.

“You can ask.”

“If San _hadn’t_ asked you first, would you have said no, to Hyunjin?”

“I might have been very tempted, but I think I’d have realized quickly he was aiming at a mistake that could ruin our friendship. Because he couldn’t have gotten over everything that quickly. So I would have said no. Even if he didn’t talk to me for a while because rejection isn’t pleasant. But I’d have hoped he’d have eventually realized the mistake and been glad I said no.”

That was almost entire truth. Except it’d been more like fearful spiraling, before he agreed to pretend San had asked him out. Which was a different mess, he reminded himself.

“Uh-huh. That almost sounds rehearsed, you know?”

Rephrase it!

“If it does, it’s just because I did spend time, trying to figure out where it could have come from, that he would so suddenly ask that after we’d finished our fake...thing. He’d said he needed time to think things through. I thought he just meant from his initial idea and goal to...to maybe being uncomfortable around me a little, since I knew he sort of got rejected.”

“Not rejected. He just told Lee Minho he was dating you.”

“Both mean no interest.”

“Which can sometimes be a wake up call to what’s...right there. You know?”

How could he answer that? To _Felix_?

“If...if I hadn’t been dating San and he’d asked...I don’t know...weeks and weeks later, then...maybe? But you don’t have to worry! I was. I mean. I did. Date San. And I think, for me, dating friends might not be a good idea.”

“I’m not worried. Just...timing. It’s weird. I probably shouldn’t have asked. I still feel bad you had an audience. I’d wanted to vent about midterms, and how I felt sure I got a lower grade in some essays because my Korean is still lacking. Since half the time Hyunjin and I spend together is helping the other learn and practice each other’s language, I knew he’d understand and maybe I’d be less worried. It just...happened to be here. I really wanted to _move_ , you know. I could have called my girlfriend, but her schedule is more packed than mine so I was waiting for her to call me. But I felt like I’d explode with worry and frustration if I didn’t tell someone. So I called Hyunjin. And then. Well.”

“Your…girlfriend?”

“Yeah.” He smiled sheepishly. “We both thought it’d be cool to go to school abroad but didn’t get into the same universities. So she’s studying architecture a few hours away. She actually has family here. Totally fluent in Korean. Got to see her during Chuseok, at her aunt’s. And it’s _so_ expensive to fly home to Australia, her grandparents invited us to stay with them over winter break. Separate rooms and generally supervised, of course,” he added dryly.

“Oh. I did wonder why you’d come here to school.”

Felix was just Hyunjin’s friend. So he didn’t…he didn’t have to keep a distance! But Hyunjin thought he’d really dated San. He’d been upset, that he’d said no. How could he approach him? How could he ever have approached him, with that lie? Why did he never think these stupid schemes through? There _was_ no going back to how it was before. Not with any of them. He rubbed his arms through his coat.

“It’s getting too cold to be out. I think I’ll go to the cafeteria and look over some notes. Before practice. I’ll see you then, okay?”

Felix looked at him in puzzlement, but nodded.

It was a good thing scenes in plays could be rewritten. He wished life was like that.

*****

Yeosang had almost achieved a balance by the third week of dance practices. He knew what was expected: be better, every session. He thought he’d studied “How Long”? He’d envied the music video, dance practice video, and live stages Wooyoung and San had had access to? His group’s song also had a dance choreography video, but it zoomed in and out like the stages. There were individual fancams for live stages. He had his own notes, notes from other members of his group, and a healthy respect for idols, whom he also thought must be out of their fucking minds to live like this. But if that was all you did, no regular college classes to worry about, and it was your dream, maybe it was a comprehensible insanity. Though how they did it, when they had to be more tired than he was? He didn’t know.

At least today was Thursday. For tactical reasons—aiming for a grand surprise—they were supposed to hold back a little on the two club meeting practice days. Tomorrow’s two-hour Friday session would more than make up for that, he thought wearily, as he stared down at his bag. Everyone else was leaving, but the fatigue that had settled in sometimes made simple chores seem impossible. All he needed to do was pick up his backpack, walk to the bus station, and go home. Shower, eat…try to sleep.

He blinked in surprise when someone picked the bag up for him. Magic. He raised his head to look Wooyoung in the face. He looked a little…grim?

“Come on. Cafeteria’s still serving dinner.”

“I eat at home. I told you both that.” He glanced around. No one else was left but them.

“You say that, yes, and I’m sure you do. But whatever you’re eating, while practicing hard choreo five nights a week, isn’t enough. I know you. When you get super focused, sometimes you don’t take adequate care of yourself. I need to see you eat a full damn meal, okay?” He spun around, and Yeosang quietly followed.

Seated at a table with their own trays, they ate in a silence he knew wouldn’t last. When he’d eaten as much as he could, he slowly laid his chopsticks down and waited. Wooyoung took a long drink and met his eyes.

“I get that the whole pretend thing didn’t end well. And you’re busy. But something is wrong. You’re distant, even in text messages.”

“I’m just…tired. Like you said, it’s hard choreo, most nights a week, and some of my assignments have been time-consuming.”

“So much so you can’t text more than a sentence or two anymore? Was what San did more of a problem than you thought it‘d be? I don’t, I really don’t want to add to the pressure you’re under, but it’s starting to feel like the beginning of a path that leads to the three of us not being friends anymore.”

He shook his head violently, grabbing for one of Wooyoung’s hands, squeezing tightly.

”No! That’s not something I’ve ever even thought of!”

“Maybe not deliberately, but...am I supposed to choose between the two of you? At some point?”

How did him giving them space for Wooyoung to make a move turn into _this_?

“No. Never. This was _not_ meant to happen.”

“What wasn’t meant to happen?”

Calm down. Watch your words. Be careful.

“Me needing time turning into you thinking I’d ever want you to…choose. Maybe…maybe it is more difficult to readjust. I wasn’t expecting him to do _that_. Not anywhere, but in public? In front of other people?”

“Two people. Hyunjin and Felix. Is that it? Do you wish you hadn’t turned Hyunjin down that second time?” He took a deep breath. “And you blame San for ruining any chance at reconciliation?”

“What? Hyunjin—I made the right decision.” He _had_ to have. If _that_ had been a mistake, then everything…no. He shoved the thought away. “But San _should_ have known better than to throw that in. We followed his plan. It worked. The kiss—what, like he was trying to show Hyunjin he didn’t want to let go? Ridiculous. It was already over. And I’m not like that. Have you ever seen me kiss anyone I’ve dated? No. That’s private. It was just...wrong.”

It’d all been wrong. Wrong that he’d wanted it to be real, when it was just a ruse. Worse when he’d realized _with whom_ he’d briefly wanted it to be real. So wrong.

“Then what do we do? He never meant to upset you that much. And I miss you. I mean, we both do, but—you’re my best friend. I don’t remember a time when I didn’t see you and talk with you several times a week. Dance lessons, hanging out at each other’s houses, meeting for lunches on campus, studying together, random text messages. It’s so not normal I don’t know if you’d say yes if I asked to draw you.”

Why was this such a mess? He’d only meant to fix things. Help people.

“I would. But…you could always draw San. Drawing lovely people calms you. He’s lovely.”

“Not like you! When I draw you, I’m drawing my favorite person. The person I trust most in this world outside family. Hell, for some details, more than family.”

You never saw bruises on hearts, but they were there.

“If you need to draw me, I’ll make time.”

“And if San was there, too, working on his own assignments?”

“I’d still show up, if you needed me. Even if you weren’t alone.”

“If _needed_. What if you were just wanted, Yeosang?”

He squeezed Wooyoung’s hand again.

“It’s just these few weeks. It _is_ a hard routine. The group leader _is_ demanding. But I don’t want people to think I’m background again. I spent too many years used to that. This is the first time a group of really good dancers, competing to win, even something so small as our club competition, wanted me included. That’s never happened before. You don’t—you can’t understand what that feels like.”

“No,” Wooyoung said, sighing. “I don’t.”

“It’ll get better. I’ll have more time, later. And then it won’t be like this. I’m not angry at San. It’s just...uncomfortable. But knowing him, he probably feels burdened. And you’re his friend, too. Be there for him. I mean, you’re practicing together, you both live on campus. Please don’t think I would ever ask you to choose. But if you feel like that...maybe let _him_ be there for _you_? It’s all just temporary.”

Wooyoung nodded. “The choreo we have isn’t even as hard as yours, but they’re like drill sergeants, did you know?”

“What did you expect from two soon-to-graduate, very dedicated ReVeluvs?”

“They’re _fans_?”

“Yeah.”

“How did you know?”

“It was mentioned once. I don’t remember when. Too bad there’s no subunit. They would’ve loved to do a duet for that. They have high standards.”

“No wonder, then.” He paused. “It _is_ just temporary, right? This current situation?”

“Yes, Wooyoung. Temporary.” It wouldn’t even be difficult to endure if you’d just take the opportunity right in front of you, instead of worrying about me, he added silently.

*****

Not knowing and hoping had been better than knowing, he thought, as he closed his apartment door and leaned against it, pulling off his shoes to put on the low shelf nearby. Reassuring Wooyoung had left him feeling guiltier than before, but he couldn’t have him think such thoughts. He dropped his backpack near the small, cluttered kitchen table. Books and papers were stacked on all the chairs but one. He hadn’t had time to clean, even, the last few weeks. Too low on the list of things to do. Had he finished all his work for tomorrow? He thought so. Shower, then bed. As he moved towards his bed, to plug in his phone, it vibrated with a new text message.

 **Hypnotic:**  
I know I’m not the right person  
to even ask, but Yeosang…  
please get more sleep?  
The way Felix describes practice  
sounds crazy, and he’s tired, but  
you look terrible.  
Which isn’t to say he’s handling it better!  
Something _else_ is going on, with you,  
and I know you don’t want interference  
from me, you’ve made that clear.  
But you look so worn down, I just—  
please, please get some sleep.  
I hope this wasn’t too intrusive.

This wasn’t fair. He was good enough at his craft that Lee Minho had told Hyunjin that when he wrote a full play, he’d like to act in it. But in real life? All his plans were backfiring. Falling apart. Creating problems and distress when he’d just wanted to give his friends the chance to be happy. He’d thought all they needed was space, and time. _Then_ he could allow himself back into their lives. But they believed he was pushing them away. They believed he blamed them. They believed…so many lies.

*****

The next morning, he’d left his studio apartment early. He’d been awake long before his alarm, and the walk from the bus stop to campus took him past street food vendors and a café. Knowing what he was about to inflict upon himself, he’d stopped first for egg bread. Not until he’d finished did he approach the café. The harsh acidity of coffee with two shots of espresso would not have been a good idea on an empty stomach. It wasn’t a drink he’d enjoyed, but he’d needed it, and it had gotten him through class, a lunch meeting with fellow students in stage design, and was still keeping him alert at the library. He sometimes had to reread a paragraph, but his notes were fairly coherent. More caffeine would make him jittery, so he’d have to hope a protein snack and willpower would see him all the way through dance practice later.

Reluctantly, he opened a new, blank document. One of his classes regularly required students to write themed scenes, which would have been fine, but the topics were hit or miss. This time? Discharged soldier returns to his hometown to find his girlfriend cheating on him. It was so cliché. How could he make it worth a read? Maybe freeze the girlfriend and her lover on and off, and have the soldier break the fourth wall while they held still? Have him turn or half turn to the audience like he’s talking to a friend, but rhetorically? He couldn’t use it the entire time, but it was better than an emotional free for all.

What reasons would she give? He’d been gone a while, she was lonely? Probably happened more often than not, but boring to write. Why wouldn’t she just have sent him a letter saying she’d found someone new? But there wouldn’t be a scene, if she’d done that. So why not tell him? Emotions? Bitterness? Anger? Maybe the soldier hadn’t been faithful, either, but had expected her to be? Had she found out, and wanted to retaliate? Again, though, why not just break up? Maybe they were both petty and vindictive people and the lover was the only nice person? Though how nice could he be, knowing the situation and continuing? Maybe no one was nice, and the lover had simply fallen in love? Known it was bad, but couldn’t stop? Maybe write the scene from three different perspectives, rewinding each time to the moment of discovery? Would anyone be happy? Doubtful. He pressed his lips together. He wasn’t in the mood to write something depressing. Maybe he’d make it a twisted comedy, but he needed a better functioning wit than he had right now. He closed the laptop and stared out the window nearby.

Why had Hyunjin texted him last night? Of all nights? He was already part of the reason sleep was so elusive, but to phrase what he said, the way he said it? Intrusive? Interfering? Never. He _missed_ him. But there were so many barriers now, he didn’t know how to reach out. He should never have agreed to the fake dating idea. Crushes faded, and since there’d been no sign of any return interest, if he’d just stuck to his original “no”…it would have eventually passed. He wouldn’t have had that duet opportunity, would’ve still been seen the same way at the dance club, but they’d still be friends.

Though…Hyunjin _had_ said they should do it anyways, after apologizing for making it seem the dancing offer only existed as a way to persuade him. And it was only after _that_ , that he _had_ agreed. Why had he? Gratitude? Had he changed his mind, as a way of expressing how much it meant to him, that the offer had still been held out? Maybe. 

Was that why he, himself, had offered, later, for them to drop out of the competition? No. He’d been worried that abruptly realizing there’d never be returned interest would make the whole idea unpleasant to Hyunjin. Being told their…prelude—he was never going to think of that word the way he used to—was a comforting help had convinced him it’d be okay to continue. Though it had been that very knowledge, that being with him was _comfortable_ , that had made him realize Hyunjin _hadn’t_ fully gotten over his previous attachment. And _that_ had led to lies. Because he’d been scared to lose what he now seemed to have lost.

It hurt. It all hurt. And he was so tired.

*****

“Are we…actually getting a break before the first hour’s up?”

“Yeah. Never thought her phone would be on ring. Or that she’d answer it.” Felix slid down the wall to sit next to him.

“That,” Yeosang replied in a soft voice, “was not a simple ringtone. That was the sweet sound of divine mercy. Some prayer, somewhere, was said for people like us and as the incense reached the heavens, it was granted. May the speaker of that prayer eat well for many days. Whatever food they want, may it always be available, and delivered in a timely manner. May they sleep well, with full bellies.” He finished his first bottle of water. He’d learned to bring three, on Friday nights.

“Right. Speaking of sleep, you didn’t get much last night, did you?”

“Sleep? Is a dream. I think sometimes it happens, but I forget.”

“That…you seem sober, but you don’t sound like it.”

“I don’t like drinking. I don’t like cute. Except you. You’re nice, so the cute is okay.”

Felix squinted at him. “Cute?”

“Not like looks, though you are. Like cute-sweet. You were cute-sweet, about seeing me and…San. When you didn’t even know me.”

“I knew about you, through Hyunjin.”

“Hyunjin. You get to see him still. Don’t lose him. Don’t make plans you think will help people, and lose him. You have your girlfriend, I know, but losing him is very….” He sighed.

“Losing Hyunjin is very what?”

“Hellish.” He blinked at him. “I think that’s the fastest I’ve ever heard you speak Korean. Good job. But you’re fine with him, Felix. So don’t worry.”

“I’m not. But, um…I need to…go, real quick.”

“Oh. Ohhh. I got it. If she gets back before you do, I’ll tell her why. But hurry. She can’t deny biological needs, but I think she resents them existing during practice.”

“Uh, yeah.” Felix shot to his feet. “Be back real soon.”

He nodded. Little more than an hour, and then he could go home. Maybe he’d reached a level of exhaustion that could overpower his brain, and he’d actually sleep tonight? No practice tomorrow. No need to be on campus. He took a deep breath. He could do this.

*****

Yeosang waved goodbye to his group members, and started towards the campus exit.

“Why aren’t you sleeping?”

Hyunjin suddenly next to him. Huh.

“Many reasons. Why are you still on campus? Your group practices the same time as our first hour, then you’re done.”

“Someone told me you look worse today than yesterday.”

“That’s why Felix left the room?”

“He knew I’d want to know.”

“He interrupted a practice to tell you I look awful? Didn’t you get in trouble?”

“No. He knocked, apologized, and smiled—“

“And they threw you into the hallway to talk to him. _That_ is _using_ the cute-sweet. Clever.”

“Cute-sweet?”

“Yes.” He flung up a jacketed arm to cover a yawn. “You stayed an extra hour to tell me I look awful? That’s _weird_ , Hyunjin.”

“I stayed to make sure you got home safely.”

“Do you see me falling down? No. I’m good.”

“You’re not.”

“And _now_ you want to know why? That’s a change.”

“I don’t want you missing your stop if you fall asleep.”

“No options. Have to take the bus to get home. I can do it.”

“Let me go with you.”

Yeosang stopped and turned. Looked at the same person who’d texted what he had last night. Now offering help? Why? He frowned.

“Just to keep you awake. Or if you do fall asleep, I can wake you up. You took a selca, next to your stop, in the summer. You sent it to me, so I’d know when to get off the bus. For that park you wanted to show me. Remember?”

“Yeah. You kept that?”

“How else would I know how to find you? Too many stops look alike.”

That was true. And he was very, very tired. He didn’t want to max out his transport card because he fell asleep and got charged for a longer ride than needed.

“Okay.” He turned back and resumed walking. “Thank you.”

*****

They’d been seated for a while before the lack of conversation started to make him feel drowsy. He didn’t want to prove Hyunjin right.

“What does your voice sound like in English?”

Hyunjin tilted his head at him.

“Like…me?”

“No, see, I doubt that. Felix said you and he practice languages. You don’t have his accent in Korean. Because you grew up here. But if he corrects your English, English-speakers don’t sound the same. Like satoori. But bigger. Because more English-speakers. So his accent, which I can hear in his Korean? Does it make your English sound Australian-Korean? And some people, in other languages, their voices go higher or lower. So does your voice sound different in English?”

“Why would it matter?”

“Doesn’t. Just wondered. Oh! You remember I said you were a walking sun? Not really right. Felix is more sunshine. Though it was about hair, wasn’t it? Hm. Okay. You’re the sun blazing hot at noon. Felix is sunset surrounding the city. San the white moon we see in space photos. Wooyoung is smudgy pink dawn. Changbin when the sun hits the river and the sky is pale blue.”

“What does that make you?”

“Nighttime. Or pen ink. Not squid ink. That’s messy. Can stain clothes. Probably mouths, too. That could be bad. What if the stains lasted weeks?”

Hyunjin laughed. “We eat squid here in Korea without issue.”

“I said squid _ink_. Maybe it could look trendy? Like black lip gloss? You could carry it off with the right attitude.”

“I don’t think black lip gloss would go over well.”

“Try it on a date?”

“A date would probably find it very odd.”

“If you agreed to date someone it wouldn’t be a person all about looks. So! It wouldn’t matter. They’d still want to kiss you. Felix probably would. If he didn’t have a girlfriend. If he liked men.”

“Felix?”

Wrong thing to say.

“Um. That was when I thought you two were a maybe item. Sorry. Bad to assume, just...you know. Very together-together. All the time. Dance club meetings. The photo shoot that day with San. He and I went out after, you know. Just us. But I didn’t know I was in the way. Wouldn’t have agreed to any of it, if I’d known.”

“Agreed to—whose way did you get in?”

“My best friend,” he said glumly. “But I didn’t know! That he was in love with him. Now I do. So I’m giving them space, to give Wooyoung a chance.”

“Uh. I don’t know if he has one.”

“Of course he does! Wooyoung is wonderful! And it isn’t like I meant anything to San that way, anyway.” Shit. He looked out the window, trying to ignore how very still Hyunjin had suddenly become. He started counting streetlights.

“Why would you think that?”

“Reasons. Before the lies, there were reasons.”

”Lies?”

He couldn’t do this. But he had to. “It’s complicated.”

“Is that why you’re not sleeping enough?”

He could lie again. Or he could stop. It was so exhausting. Almost everything was awful, already. If he added more lies…he couldn’t add more.

“Partly. Lies about people. Lies to people.”

“Did you lie to me?”

He _hated_ how hurt Hyunjin sounded.

“You didn’t give me a choice. Lie or lose you forever. But the lies just kept getting bigger and bigger, and they aren’t even working.”

“Then why?”

“I was trying to make other people happy.” He had tried. But he was failing.

“Did you tell any lies to try to make me happy?”

Yeosang looked down at his hands.

“Yes.”

“Big lies?”

What was the point anymore?

“Me and San? Dating? Lie. Big, isn’t it?”

“You could have just...said no.”

”No, I could not. They said—I asked for help. Because for a few seconds, I thought it was real, but then I realized it couldn’t be. Because you couldn’t have liked me so soon after...you know. San said no matter what, saying no would hurt, but I thought...if there was a way to make it seem like I _couldn’t_ then...it wouldn’t hurt so much? And also, it would give you time to realize asking me out was a mistake. I did refuse. To pretend. At first. I’m not that bad. Then I agreed. Just temporary. But things got messy. And then I found out about Wooyoung. San was just being a really good friend and Wooyoung stupidly loves me so much he even pushed for it! I don’t understand that, but I’m making up for it now.”

“Oh. I know this isn’t great timing, but....”

“Just say it.”

“When did you tell your friends about the end of our...thing?”

“Right after you texted me asking me out. After I realized you’d eventually realize it was a mistake.”

“I told you I was _over_ it. Him.”

“I know. But to suddenly want to date me? For real? It didn’t make sense. You said you had to think. That wasn’t the right conclusion.”

“You didn’t trust me to be careful enough? You think I’d have asked you out, _for real_ , knowing how you felt about dating friends, without being certain it’s what I wanted?”

“You’d said you were _comfortable_ with me. That isn’t the same thing as liking. And you didn’t even _say_ you liked me in the text.”

“ _I didn’t_?”

He sounded almost shocked.

”No. And by text? I don’t know it really registered at the time, but don’t be mad about me not trusting your certainty if you weren’t sure enough to say it to my face. You have plenty of other reasons to be mad. Use those.”

Hyunjin pulled away and leaned back against the seat.

Yeosang sighed quietly. He was so tired. No matter how upset Hyunjin was, he wouldn’t leave him alone. He closed his eyes. At the least, he’d let him know when his stop was coming up.

*****  
Wooyoung

 **Hyunjin:**  
Are you in love with San?

 **JungWY:**  
You don’t know me well enough  
to ask questions like that.

 **Hyunjin:**.  
I’m not asking for me.  
I’m asking for your best friend.

 **JungWY:**  
Why?

 **Hyunjin:**  
Just answer the question.

 **JungWY:**  
No. I’m not.

 **Hyunjin:**  
I was nearly positive you weren’t,  
but Yeosang thinks you are.  
If he’s been dodging you two, that’s why.  
Thinking he’s giving you a chance to win him over.

 **JungWY:**  
I’m going to murder my roommate.

 **Hyunjin:**  
Okay....

 **JungWY:**  
But why are you texting me this?

 **Hyunjin:**  
Because I believe in fairness.  
I fucked up when I asked him out.  
Left out some important parts.  
He leapt to the wrong conclusions.  
So instead of him maybe saying yes,  
he agreed to fake date San.  
I’m going to try to fix my mistakes and  
we _both_ know San would desperately  
want a chance to fix his.  
No idea if either of us has a chance.  
But it seemed fair to let you know.  
So you can let him know.

 **JungWY:**  
I knew there was more to it!  
Yeosang never said _why_ you weren’t together anymore,  
but he was tearing himself apart trying to find  
a way not to hurt you.  
Though…how do you know all this?

 **Hyunjin:**  
He is _not_ sleeping enough.  
So tired he let it slip.  
Completely stunned me.

 **JungWY:**  
Are you texting me all this while he’s right in front of you?

 **Hyunjin:**  
It doesn’t look comfortable, but he’s asleep,  
on the bus, right next to me, yes.  
I thought that might happen.  
I just wanted to be sure he got home safe,  
and now….

 **JungWY:**  
This is going to get complicated, isn’t it?

 **Hyunjin:**  
It already was.  
We just didn’t know.

 **JungWY:**  
I won’t wish you luck.

 **Hyunjin:**  
Didn’t think you would.

 **JungWY:**  
But I won’t interfere.  
Fair’s fair and hell, he might not want  
either of you.

 **Hyunjin:**  
I know. It’s a mess.  
Thank you, though.

 **JungWY:**  
It’s not for you.  
It’s for him.

 **Hyunjin:**  
Good.  
I think he’d give up anything for you.

 **JungWY:**  
Idiot.  
It’s his life.

 **Hyunjin:**  
Which you’re very much a part of.

 **JungWY:**  
Stop being insightful.  
It’s annoying.  
Dammit.  
How do I tell San?  
Not asking you!  
Get Yeosang home safe.

 **Hyunjin:**  
And let’s hope he sleeps.

*****  
Yeosang

He hadn’t slept so many hours in weeks. He didn’t know if his body had just shut him down, or if it’d been the relief of shoving off so many lies. Most likely both. There’d be consequences to face, of course, but not having to make things up anymore? Blissful. Nine whole hours, after he’d showered and changed and tumbled into bed. Felt like a miracle. Even getting a text from Hyunjin a few hours later, that they needed to talk? Didn’t scare him. Whatever would happen, he wouldn’t have to lie. Didn’t mean he wanted the conversation public. But the only truly private place he knew of was his own apartment. He’d picked up as much as he could, after eating, and stacked against a wall what he didn’t have the time or energy to deal with, before his…visitor arrived.

He heard a knock at the door, and checked the peephole. Day 1 of honesty. He unlocked the door and stepped back. He wasn’t that much shorter than Hyunjin, but their body frames? So different.

“You make my studio apartment look even smaller. Unkind.”

Hyunjin slid his shoes onto the right shelf, then twisted up and gave him a look. “How did you guess my plan so soon?”

“It seemed logical.”

“Sure.”

Yeosang shut and locked the door, and turned to see the other scanning the room.

“It’s very much what you see is what you get. But no one ever gets too loud in this neighborhood. And I like it.”

“Doesn’t it get…lonely?”

“If I stayed here all day and all night, all the time, of course it would! But compared to living in dorms? With unknown roommates? Or living at home? Though that has the perk of better food. I choose this. My place. My rules. But you’re a guest, so you can pick. Sit on chairs—yes, they’re plenty sturdy—or sit on the floor. Though the floor gets uncomfortable kind of quick.”

“How many times did we sit on the ground together?”

“The ground is made of dirt and grass. Therefore it has give. The floor does not. It creaks. Sometimes.”

“Chairs.”

“Do you want anything to drink?”

“No,” came the reply, as Hyunjin sat down, after draping his jacket on the chair.

“Okay.”

Yeosang pulled out the chair opposite, took a quick breath, and sat down as well.

“Do you remember the day you agreed to the whole...fake dating thing?”

“What started all this? Yes, I do.” It had changed everything.

“You said something incorrect, that day, but so did I. I told you I liked Minho-hyung, you said it was a crush, that all words like that were the same. But they aren’t. It _was_ a crush. It did hurt when he congratulated me instead of sounding jealous, but after a couple days, it didn’t. As soon as that occurred to me, I realized telling you...would mean you’d say we should stop our…thing. And I didn’t want that. Why I didn’t want that, I wasn’t sure. Until about thirty minutes after I told you.”

Not how he’d imagined this conversation beginning. But he didn’t look away.

“When I suggested we turn the practice room lights off, I just thought it’d help you. The more anxious you get, the more you focus hard, and then you get lost in your head. But running through that routine in the dark. Just the key point. It was...weird. It felt different. And then you mentioned the body roll and the idea of more physical contact was just...a lot. Then you did it, and...I needed the lights on. To remind myself about reality. But you didn’t want to look in the mirror. Which I understood. So you didn’t. And it looked...the moves looked better, they did. But then you wanted to try the body roll again, and...how was I supposed to say no? What reason could I give? That wouldn’t freak you out? So I said fine. But your expression…changed. I hadn’t seen that in the dark. And I thought, well. Shit. I’m definitely attracted to my friend. But what could I say? That wasn’t supposed to happen. And just to make it clear to you, before you go there,” Hyunjin gave him a warning look. “I wasn’t ever attracted to my crush. So all those words? Not the same.”

He felt a little light-headed.

“That’s why you didn’t say anything after I asked how it was. Your face, the reflection in the mirror—I’m not stupid or naive. I know what that kind of look means. I thought, for a few seconds, was it the dance or was it...me? But then you called me “baby,” so I dropped the idea. Assumed you were just in character. Wanting the other was part of the story so....”

Hyunjin’s laugh sounded breathless.

“Your friends had showed up. It changed the atmosphere but not fast enough. I knew saying _that_ would get a reaction, and I could act more lightly. They thought we were real, but we weren’t. At least, there’d been no change for you, that I knew of. So I thought, push it away, as best as I could—though the whole dance kept reminding me. The only thing that made it workable was you had no idea at all the effect you were having. But then that extra practice the night before. You brought the jacket. Did you know...emphasizing the whole permission to touch as part of the story...is difficult to hear, when the person you’re talking to, badly wants real permission? It made the “frustration” part easy to dance. I was so relieved you didn’t do the body roll. I didn’t want anyone else to see how...your expression changed. Bad enough your friends saw it, the other time.”

“Too much,” Yeosang murmured. “Too much and not enough.”

“What?”

“Rehearsing in the dark, again and again...that’s what it started to feel like. Too much. Not enough.”

“Being in character?”

“I don’t know. Sure, we were acting out a story that wasn’t us. Neither of us was a cheater. There wasn’t suspicion and all that. But I said we should stick to the original choreo of me _not_ grabbing your hand because...that was...something. I didn’t want to think about it, told myself it was me finally getting into the right mindset.”

“Okay. Can I have something to drink, now?”

“Yeah. I’ll get us both some water.”

He stood up and ran a hand through his hair. Really not the conversation he’d expected. He turned and took a couple steps. Two glasses. Filtered water from the fridge. He turned back around and held one glass out, as he sat down.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Neither of them said anything else until both glasses had been set down.

“That night,” Hyunjin began, “the performance, you said you felt bad it hadn’t ended like I wanted. It was very strange. What I’d wanted, when I had the idea, was _so_ different from what I wanted, when it had to end. And then…other things you said. Like how it almost felt real and if things had been different. I didn’t know what to do. I had to think. I had to figure out what it meant that I didn’t want it to stop, that I just wanted the dynamics to change. It took me several days but I thought it was safe. I just needed a little time. Your friends might ask and you saying we just...broke up, who was going to leap in? But then when I asked—I still can’t believe I left out how much I like you more than a friend should—and you said San, I felt so stupid. Because of course he would have, the way you phrased it. That...was horrible. To have missed a chance by two days. Seeing you together. But then...then he asked me to take photos of you. For a class. I wasn’t sure what to make of that. You had to have mentioned me, somehow, but why? Was he deliberate enough to make use of a comment you let fall? To make it clear you were off limits? I thought so. But then...still...why would he want me near you? Since he thought it’d been real. It wouldn’t be nice to you. Unless he was trying to make it seem real, and it wasn’t? Like what we had done. But _why_? It was messing with my head. So I said yes.”

Yeosang smacked the table with his hand.

“You brought Felix to distract San!”

”Uh, yeah.”

“You made me so damn nervous I’d said something suspicious. You saying ‘were we over?’ But then acting like you meant the photos.”

“I wanted to see how you’d react. If you _were_ just trying out dating him, you should’ve been looking at him with some warmth, not like you needed help. Which meant I had to watch you. Not once did the way you look at him change, until the first dance meet covering ‘Lip and Hip.’ I thought, then…maybe you were actually starting to like him.”

He broke out into nervous laughter. Hyunjin jerked back.

“That night? You were watching me, that night?”

“Yeah.” Hyunjin said slowly.

“How? How did you not notice me looking at you, as well? It’s very disturbing, to realize you’re suddenly having...thoughts about two friends. It’s why I skipped the second night.”

”Me? I...well. I was only glancing. I didn’t want to fall.”

“Oh, that’s funny. When I did the same thing, watching you dance to ‘Lie’? I sprained my ankle. I doubt falling during ‘Lip and Hip’ would have done more than get you a bruise. ‘Lie’ is a fight, ‘Lip and Hip’ is—I’m stopping now.”

“Why?”

“You wanted to talk.”

“After hearing _that_? No. This is a moment when you cut the camera, discuss what just happened, then resume filming.”

“Fine! I got distracted, briefly, watching you dance to ‘Lie,’ and misjudged a move. ‘Lip and Hip’ was different. You’re made up of so many parts, but when you dance, you become the dance, whatever it is. And ‘Lip and Hip’ is...you were very... _aware_. Of yourself. Body control, but letting that mesh with the choreo. The whole...walking part, with the hand pass over your mouth was just.... I couldn’t watch you perfect that. I wasn’t supposed to think like that. About friends.”

“Is that why you stopped, with San? Because it changed? I saw him kiss you. That had to have been after you started seeing him differently. So why? You could’ve made it real.”

“Because I’m just his friend. He only did that, because you were there. He told me so, when I asked him.”

“He—that doesn’t—what was he _thinking_?”

“I don’t know. But I’m glad it never meant anything to him.”

“Because you think Wooyoung is in love with him.”

“I saw proof.”

“Proof,” Hyunjin echoed.

“Yes. I don’t know why he’s hesitating.”

“San may not feel the same. It can’t be forced.”

“I know that! But Wooyoung should _try_. If you care, you should _try_.”

“People might be uncertain. I was.”

“It took you less than a week to decide.”

“I was already halfway there, and if I took too long—well, I thought I _had_ missed my chance, by two days.”

“That’s why people have to try. If you wait too long…do you really want to be with that person? Or is it the idea of being with them you like?” He bit his lip. To say it? Or no? “Like a crush.”

“Ow.”

“Sorry. I thought if I gave him a chance, gave them more time alone, it’d help. It hasn’t. I don’t understand. I’ve always thought, If you want to ask someone out, _do it_. Then you get an answer.”

“I asked you out. And you used a complicated scheme to _avoid_ a simple answer.”

“Because it didn’t make sense. Getting over him that fast. And you didn’t even say you liked me. And you _texted_ me! You don’t _text_ a confession! Texting is for dates when you’re established. And then it’s—do you want see the Banpo Bridge Rainbow Fountain? Do you want to walk around one of the night markets? Do you want to get food together? Do you want to see a movie? Like, actually go see a movie, not do you want to watch a movie at your place and _not_ actually watch the movie. Very different things. Though you live with your parents, so maybe you wouldn’t know that.”

“Of _course_ I know the difference! And it’s not impossible, when you live at home!”

Yeosang raised an eyebrow.

“You like risking being caught?”

“I did _not_ say that. That’s a horrifying thought.”

“So…when? Business conventions? Vacations alone? I don’t remember you mentioning either of those.”

“It’s _theoretically_ not impossible, for someone still living at home.”

He gave Hyunjin a pleased smile.

“Isn’t the truth better?”

“I don’t know. I never got a true answer.”

“Then ask.”

“This is about _then_ , not now, because now is still…nevermind.”

“Okay. _Then_. Ask.”

“If I had asked properly, in person, explained away your misunderstandings, made it completely clear how much I can’t stop thinking about you—since you’ve said before saying ‘I like you’ is boring—would you have said yes?”

He thought back to the texts. What had been his very first response, before he apparently jumped to the wrong conclusions? Shock that Hyunjin’s time had been spent thinking about _them_. Startled that Hyunjin seemed to like him. Then an uncertain feeling that maybe he liked him back. Because it _had_ felt real, at times, real enough…what had he said the night they “broke up”? Had he said it, or just thought it? Real enough that if things had been _different_ , he wouldn’t have wanted to let him go. Getting the kind of confession described, instead of the texts…that would have made things very different, and he wouldn’t have spiraled into doubt and fear. Hyunjin wouldn’t have let him. Given all that, logically….

“If you’d done that, instead…I’d have said yes. It would have made the feelings of too much and not enough make sense, because it was all you _didn’t_ say, that made me think it couldn’t possibly be real. Don’t know if it would’ve worked—one never does—but I’d have tried.”

“That’s how you would have answered, _then_? Truly?”

“It’s my best guess, trying to limit myself to what I thought and felt at the time. I _might_ have asked for time to think. But if you’d said all that? I’d never have said no.”

“That’s…frustrating.”

“Why did you text, anyway? Who does that?”

“Very nervous people who also omit really important parts of a confession.” Hyunjin tilted his head back and stared at the ceiling.

He couldn’t blame it all on Hyunjin. _He_ had assumed and obsessed and that had started a tumble of lies. If he’d just had the wits to say “ _Why_ do you want to date me?” he might have avoided it all. But he hadn’t. He’d messed up. Again and again, he’d messed up this term. Until he stopped lying, and then things got better. Unexpectedly better. Because he _did_ like the friend sitting across from him, and he _was_ attracted to him.

“Why does it have to be frustrating?”

Hyunjin sighed.

“You said you liked both of us. What if you’re wrong, about Wooyoung? What if he does care for San, but maybe not the exact way you thought? Or what if, whatever way he feels, he’s fine with nothing changing? What if…what if San meant the kiss, but just said the wrong words?”

“If you’d been in his place, would you have kissed me, if you wanted to, then told me it was just a ruse?”

“In public, no. I don’t want to be hit with a book.”

“Be serious.”

“No. I wouldn’t have been able to.”

“Do you want to kiss me?”

“You know the answer to that.”

“Technically, all I know is you wanted real permission.”

Hyunjin’s breath caught. “That’s not fair, Yeosang.”

“No, it isn’t. It isn’t fair to imply I should do nothing, want nothing, just wait, to see if I’m wrong. It isn’t fair because right now, he has an advantage over you. It’s not the end of all hope if someone isn’t good at kissing—“

“Are you implying I’m _bad_ at it?”

Yeosang shrugged.

“How do I know if you won’t let me find out? If someone is a good or very good kisser, that does factor in. For all I know right now, your style might be old school dramas. Frozen in place like your mouth touched an ice cube. Though I’ve always thought that was meant to convey shyness or lack of experience or the actors having zero chemistry. I don’t think that last one would be a problem, since we’ve both admitted having non-platonic thoughts. And I don’t think either of us is shy, really. That leaves lack of kissing experience.”

“Since when do you talk like this?” Hyunjin looked at him warily.

“A while,” he said idly. “The only detail my friends know about my private life is I don’t like kissing in public. There are a lot of things I don’t tell _friends_. Like my space and my rules? Has a different meaning for people I’m closer to. Mostly that there are no rules, except common sense. Would that be a problem for you?”

“No. I don’t think it would be.” His eyes flickered down, then up, then kept contact.

“So we’re back to kissing experience. I admit, I’ve only dated two people, but I dated each person for a while. I was never told I was bad. And that would have been brought up. You have kissed people, haven’t you?”

“I have.”

“That rules out that worry. So which style kisser are you? Primarily. Sweet? Aggressive? Slow? I wonder.”

“Are you expecting real answers?” Still eye contact.

“You wouldn’t have to _say_ anything if you had real—skipping that word.”

“Why? When you know I like hearing it?”

Yeosang smiled.

“Do you _want_ real permission or do you _need_ real permission?”

“Which would make you more at ease?”

“Whichever one reminds you this table is small, and if you stood up, it’s just a half-step, for you, to where I’m sitting,”

“Huh.” He stood up. “You like hiding this side of yourself, don’t you?”

“I like keeping private things private.” Breathe. Breathe.

“How much?” Hyunjin asked guardedly.

His smile deepened.

“Not _that_ much. Common sense is a good rule, and it tells me I should wait a long while, with one person, before anything _too_ far.”

“Smart.” Hyunjin took a small step forward. “My common sense says anything more than kissing should be avoided right now. Is that a problem for you?”

“No.”

“Stand up, please, then?”

Breathe. Breathe. Slowly, he stood up.

“No black lip gloss,” he said sorrowfully.

Hyunjin laughed.

Heat. Dizzying heat. He gasped, and curled one hand into the blond hair to pull himself closer. Dear God. He shuddered at the feeling of a hand trailing from the base of his spine up to his neck, then stroking the skin there. He didn’t want to stop, he never wanted to stop. Why did he have to breathe? He pulled away, gulping in air, heart pounding. “Hyunjin-ah.”

“I know.” He was breathing hard. “I know. Too much. Not enough.”

“Yes. That. Again? Please?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EXO-CBX's "Blooming Day" dance practice video:  
> https://youtu.be/UdjEoGzXxmI  
> (The particular dance sequence referenced starts a little after 2:10.)
> 
> Red Velvet's "Really Bad Boy" live performance with most views (no dance practice):  
> https://youtu.be/3E2stBZjzsU  
> (I had to put Red Velvet in there, plus......I had reasons for picking this song; lyrics are important for every song in this fic, tho not always the way you'd think.)
> 
> GOT7's "Never Ever" dance practice video:  
> https://youtu.be/6ZKOUwEw0Go  
> (I had help figuring out the perfect song for Yeosang's cover group......thank you, my friend!!)


	4. Act Three.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: there are now 5 chapters. The original chapter 4 was getting way too long.....so I added a 5th. I like giving characters their full due. :) There was a natural point to cut, thankfully! And I do like this section. It's very......interesting.
> 
> Text IDs for this chapter:  
> Yeosang (KangYS): Hyunjin (Hypnotic) and Wooyoung (Charismatic)  
> Wooyoung (JungWY): San (Artist2)

Yeosang

**KangYS:**  
I know you’re not awake yet.  
Since it’s the weekend.  
Therefore I can vent-text  
before I throw my book  
across the room.  
This is the most infuriatingly  
ridiculous assignment I have ever had.  
I hate it. I have written four versions.  
Each is terrible.  
But it’s due tomorrow.  
So I have to try _again_.  
I am so _mad_!  
Okay.  
Having written that, I feel slightly better.  
Maybe by the time you see this,  
I’ll have made decent progress.

**Hypnotic:**  
Why are you so violent with books?

**KangYS:**  
You’re _awake_?

**Hypnotic:**  
Unfortunately.

**KangYS:**  
You’re never awake this early on a weekend.

**Hypnotic:**  
I have work to do, too.  
Wasn’t able to focus before  
our conversation yesterday.  
Did not expect to lose that much time  
after the conversation ended.  
Best lost time ever, but…catch-up.  
Had to set multiple alarms this morning.

Best lost time? _Yes_. He’d been reluctant to let Hyunjin leave, but he knew he had to have assignments he’d need to get to.

**KangYS:**  
Next time you come over,  
bring your books and laptop?

**Hypnotic:**  
Studying at your apartment.  
Really?

Ah. There was that.

**KangYS:**  
“Studying”?

**Hypnotic:**  
Yeah.  
Not helpful, grade-wise.

**KangYS:**  
So…study earlier.  
Then come over.

**Hypnotic:**  
Are you…are you actually…  
trying to make me a _morning person_?

**KangYS:**  
Possibly.

**Hypnotic:**  
….  
Maybe it’d be worth it.

**KangYS:**  
Maybe?  
Maybe I should block your number.

**Hypnotic:**  
That’d be a shame.  
Difficult to repeat anything like  
yesterday, if you did that.

Yeosang took a few calming breaths.

**KangYS:**  
Don’t need numbers.  
You know where I live.

He hadn’t been the only one reluctant to stop.

**Hypnotic:**  
Overconfidence…is that the word?

**KangYS:**  
Is it?  
Before I went to bed, I noticed  
a faint bite mark.  
Slightly beyond your common sense’s  
idea of only kissing.

**Hypnotic:**  
I did that?

**KangYS:**  
You did.

**Hypnotic:**  
Oh.  
Um.  
Faint means it’s gone today, right?

**KangYS:**  
Probably.

**Hypnotic:**  
Probably?

**KangYS:**  
It’s not in an area easy for me to see.  
Only caught it last night because the  
color difference was enough.

**Hypnotic:**  
Go check??

**KangYS:**  
Reread what I wrote.  
Not in an area I can easily do that.

**Hypnotic:**  
You wouldn’t want anyone else to see  
that kind of thing.  
You must have a system.

**KangYS:**  
A system?  
In high school, never happened.  
In college, my ex knew more than I did,  
such as where to avoid, since  
I _don’t_ like people knowing about my private life.  
I should’ve stopped you.  
But I got lost.  
I couldn’t think enough to care.

**Hypnotic:**  
And I was doing so well, today,  
taking notes and reading carefully.  
What do you suggest?

**KangYS:**  
We could meet to study?  
And I do mean _study_.  
And you could check for me.

**Hypnotic:**  
Check. For you.

**KangYS:**  
We could meet at a study café.

**Hypnotic:**  
Kind of pricey.

**KangYS:**  
Depends where you go.  
We meet up there, if there’s anything  
visible, you should be able to tell  
at a glance. After jackets are off.  
Then you can resume your reading,  
and maybe the people around us  
will give me an idea for this _stupid_ scene.

**Hypnotic:**  
And if it’s still…noticeable?

**KangYS:**  
I go buy concealer.  
Lights are pretty bright in the dance club room.  
Which reminds me!  
Change of clothes, for later.  
I am _so_ grateful club meetings are mandatory.  
Overlaps with my group’s Sunday routine,  
so we’ll only have one—one!—separate  
practice before Friday.  
And part of that?  
Light run through in costume!  
I’m still so happy I was picked, but I’ll be glad when it’s over.

**Hypnotic:**  
Costume?

**KangYS:**  
Oh. That was supposed to be a secret.  
Don’t tell?  
Isn’t that special, really.  
And I don’t think it’s accurate.  
GOT7 and leather pants seems off-brand.

**Hypnotic:**  
“Never Ever” and leather pants?  
I don’t recall that….  
All of you?

**KangYS:**  
Well, “leather”—who can afford the real thing?  
Stretchy enough.  
Tops in coordinating colors  
You’ll see.

**Hypnotic:**  
“Leather.”

**KangYS:**  
I know, I know.  
Much more MONSTA X than GOT7.  
Maybe it’s because of the new, relaxed club rules?  
She’d chosen the song, but still wanted a part  
of “sexy is allowed”?

**Hypnotic:**  
Could be it.  
We don’t have costumes.

**KangYS:**  
Practical, if disappointing….  
Too much floorwork in the beginning to  
pull off a VIXX-style Wonder Girls’ “So Hot.”  
Though that would have been…memorable.

**Hypnotic:**  
Is that a subtle hint at something you find appealing?

**KangYS:**  
No. One is an iconic, superbly danced performance,  
and your group’s covering “Really Bad Boy.”  
The two just combined in my head.  
Both playful.  
Are we meeting up to study?  
After you make sure that part of  
my neck looks normal?

**Hypnotic:**  
Since I don’t think I’ll get much done here,  
sure. Study café.  
Text me an address.

*****

“Still not working. Still complete trash.” Yeosang crossed his arms and frowned at his laptop.

Hyunjin looked up from his book. “It can’t be that bad.”

“Yes. Yes, it can.” He pushed himself away from the table and stood up. “I’m going to get something with caffeine and _sugar_. Feel free to read my latest attempt while I’m in line.”

The soldier, the cheating girlfriend, and her lover. He spun around and walked to the line at the counter. Scanning the board for options, he paused. He didn’t really want anything too sweet. Pass on the tiramisu latté. He hadn’t had lunch, yet. Café mocha…and a brownie. Dessert before lunch was okay once in a while. Not that he’d get to eat much of it.

When he returned to their table, he slid the plate onto the table, and as he’d expected, Hyunjin, sitting in _his_ seat, broke off a large chunk of the dessert and ate it.

“May I have my chair back?”

“Yeah. This scene is hideous.”

“I told you that. Get up, would you? And leave me a crumb of brownie?”

Hyunjin slid the chair back and stood, tilting his head at a peculiar angle—oh, good Lord.

“If you didn’t see anything earlier, it’s not going to reappear,” Yeosang said softly.

With a small, embarrassed laugh, Hyunjin moved back to his seat. Keeping his voice low and leaning forwards, he said “I’ve never done that to anyone before. Left any visible marks, I mean. Not ever.”

“If it hadn’t been where it was, I wouldn’t have minded. But that’s beyond where we are, so.” He shrugged and sat down. “Any ideas?”

“All of a sudden, yes. But not for the scenario you’re trying to write.”

 _Don’t_ imagine. Take a drink. How to respond—ah.

“Be difficult, I guess. It’s a vague assignment, but it’s for the stage, not the movies. Lover is a polite way of saying someone she’s cheating with. But cheating…what defines cheating varies sometimes? And depending on her relationship with the soldier, there might be lines she dare not cross. Still, it would have progressed beyond kissing on the mouth or neck. That’s not tension enough for a full scene. Maybe it’s the first time they’ve been alone together. First time she’s brought him to her apartment. At the absolute minimum, they’d be at a point requiring some clothing removal. Maybe you’d have to have experienced that, to have helpful ideas.”

“Are _you_ writing from experience, then?”

“From what I just described? Minus a third party, cheating, and all that—yes.”

“That’s…helpful. Can I have more of the brownie? It’s very good.”

Checkmate.

“I should’ve bought a different treat.” He tore off a small piece and popped it into his mouth, then pushed the plate over. He looked back at his computer screen and opened a new document. 

“I’d never cheat on someone. Just saying.”

“I know you wouldn’t. It’s part of the problem I’m having with the scene. If I was that interested in someone else, I’d break up with the current person first. So would you, so would all my close friends. This particular topic—there are plenty of cliché reasons, but I don’t want to write those. So what would motivate her?”

“The lover offered something she’d never encountered? A challenge?”

A challenge. What kind of challenge would be worth the risk? He took another sip. What would her life have to be like, that something would startle her? Be irresistible? But not cliché. Though he probably couldn’t avoid that entirely. The topic was so overdone.

“What if she was beautiful? Even from a young age, so all she ever heard was people praising her looks. Admiring them. What if she built her whole sense of self around that? Realized to do well in life, she’d need contacts, people who thought well of her. She’d need to use everything she was born with, then refined, as a tool. The friend people want. The attentive listener people want. The sweet sympathy people want. All in a beautiful package. She’d be complimented even more for that. Reinforcing this was the best path, the smartest path, to a successful future.”

“A successful future of _what_?”

“Stability. It’s what most people want. Our school’s very competitive, lots of graduates get known in their fields, but it’s not a reliable, regular source of income. So much depends on luck and timing as much as talent. Would apply to her, too.”

“How is she talented? Looks are from your parents, your grandparents, on and on.”

“Using looks and charm. Maybe more a skill than a talent. But with that and lucky timing, people happy to help her find someone? Someone with ambition and connections. They’d click. Same goals. Same determination. But military service. She’s alone. All but engaged, so no dating. Everyone she knows job hunting or working insane hours. His family? Until there’s a ring, only so much she can expect. His hometown could be hers, too, both Seoulites. What kind of job could she get? Customer service? She’d be suited to that. She’d be good at that. How weird would it be, among everything she’s used to hearing, some people saying she did a good job with her _work_? While the boyfriend’s gone, she gets promotions. Different confidence. Which would appeal to a different person, and that…that could lead to the lover. Just temporary, she’d tell herself, until the boyfriend got back. Then everything would be back to normal. But things never go back to normal, when there are changes.”

This semester was proof of that. If he hadn’t been so tired, would he had slipped up last Friday night? Probably not. He’d still be avoiding Hyunjin, the same way he’d been keeping contact with Wooyoung and San to a minimum, uncertain how to reconnect. If Wooyoung didn’t do anything, that was his choice, but how could he act the same as the beginning of term, knowing what he knew now? It wasn’t possible.

Changes. Yesterday, even after all Hyunjin had told him, he hadn’t tried anything. Maybe he’d been reluctant to, worried about possibilities that didn’t exist—but even if they did, when you confessed to someone, you wanted to be the one they were with, didn’t you? He didn’t understand it, but you didn’t kiss like that, for that long, if you didn’t want someone. Maybe this actually _was_ a case when quietly giving time was a good idea?

“Did you figure it out? Motivations? Enough to write the scene again?”

“Yeah, I think so.” The last time he’d questioned Hyunjin’s not fully explained behavior, he’d made a mess of things. So whatever they were? Didn’t need a label right away. “You owe me a brownie.”

“How about I buy you lunch before practice, instead?”

“Fine.” He scrunched his nose in mock annoyance. “But next time!”

“Next time I put myself through the _misery_ of being awake early on a weekend just so I can get most of my work done and then _try_ to study at your place? I’ll bring you a brownie.”

That sounded promising.

“Doesn’t have to be a weekend. No group practice tomorrow, so I’ll be headed home in the afternoon.”

“That’s….” He seemed lost in thought, playing with his lower lip. Like he did. Like he’d always done. Only now….

“You know how you said the word ‘permission’ was a problem for a while? I know it’s a habit, but could you maybe try not touching your mouth like that, so much?”

Hyunjin stared at him meditatively. “Why? Is it distracting? Making you think about yesterday a little _too much_?”

“Yes.”

“It’s not really a conscious habit, though…so I don’t think I’d remember not to, until after I had. Never bothered you before, so why don’t you try to get used to it, again?”

“Now is different from then.”

“Habits are really hard to break, Yeosang. If it was unhealthy, that’s one thing, but this? Perfectly innocent.”

How could he dare say the word “innocent” with that faintly sly smile? 

“Really? Okay.”

*****

After lunch, then taking turns in Felix’s dorm room to change to practice clothes, they’d all three headed to the dance club’s room. He and Felix had immediately veered off to their group. Hyunjin had crossed the room to join his.

There was no going back to normal, but he’d promised Wooyoung the current feelings of distance were temporary. Actually looking in the other group’s direction would be an improvement. So would acknowledging them, with eye contact and small smiles. He couldn’t let them continue to feel he was upset. He had to reassure San and Wooyoung in an obvious way, before everyone turned their attention to warming up and dance formations.

He twisted his body to the left. Just act normal. He stared at Wooyoung’s back, saw his shoulders twitch, and held back a laugh. He’d always known when he was being watched. When he turned around, Yeosang smiled and waved. The grin he got back made his heart feel lighter. San turned to follow Wooyoung’s gaze, and again, Yeosang smiled and waved. It hurt, seeing the relief on his face, but then that familiar dimpled smile made the ache fade. A solid first step. They turned back to pay attention—and then he noticed Hyunjin looking at him.

Habit. _Innocent_ habit. He tilted his head to the side, then looked down at the floor as he tapped his mouth in his best “thoughtful” manner. He glanced back up to meet a narrowed gaze, and let his finger slide along his lower lip. He smiled as sweetly as he could, then twisted back to his group.

 _Innocent_.

*****

As before, when they were with the full dance club, they had held back. That didn’t stop their group leader from commenting on every way a move or a stance could be stronger or have more presence. He listened and nodded. Nothing new, but repetition did keep it all fixed in his head. They were, unsurprisingly, the last to leave, the club president half-impatiently waiting for them, so she could lock up.

Also not surprising was seeing someone waiting for him, hands in his jacket pockets. He suppressed a smile at Felix’s eye roll, after he’d called a goodnight and goodbye to him and his probable safe bus travels escort.

“I’m not exhausted like I was Friday. It isn’t late. I won’t miss my stop. I don’t need supervision, Hyunjin.”

“Don’t you?”

“Suit yourself.”

They boarded the bus in silence, and sat next to each other. He didn’t know how much longer he could pretend to remain serious and calm.

“Check your phone.”

Hm. Nothing he wanted to say aloud?

**Hypnotic:**  
Why?

**KangYS:**  
“Innocent habit”

**Hypnotic:**  
Payback?

**KangYS:**  
You called it “innocent” after  
I made it clear its effect  
was far from that.

**Hypnotic:**  
In public?

**KangYS:**  
I didn’t do anything out of the ordinary.  
Just seemed lost in thought.  
The whole ohhhh, what do I do about this idea,  
tapping lip thing.

He looked straight ahead and duplicated the gesture.

**KangYS:**  
See? Looks like typical behavior.  
Only you would guess it wasn’t.

**Hypnotic:**  
Maybe the song title of our group’s cover  
applies to you.  
Really Bad Boy. 

**KangYS:**  
If you think _that_ is me being bad, run away now.  
_(read)_

Yeosang looked out the window. Here he was again, counting streetlights, but in a much better mood.

**Hypnotic:**  
Did common sense tell you it was  
a good idea to text that?

**KangYS:**  
No, that was to warn you.  
If you’re so easily unnerved. 

**Hypnotic:**  
I’m not.  
Just had to exert a little more effort  
to focus on practice.

**KangYS:**  
Not impressed.  
I sprained my ankle watching you dance  
while I was trying to ignore you  
and give you space to be happier with Felix.  
Or someone else. 

**Hypnotic:**  
There wasn’t anyone else. 

**KangYS:**  
I learned that, but at the time, I thought....  
Well. You know what I thought. 

**Hypnotic:**  
Impossible, illogical, irrational thoughts.

**KangYS:**  
Not all illogical thoughts are bad.  
Sensation and desire leave logic in the dust.  
Rational thought…if I’d been capable of that,  
yesterday, I’d have stopped you from  
crossing the line you set yourself.

**Hypnotic:**  
Would you have wanted to?

**KangYS:**  
Not the point.

**Hypnotic:**  
It’s part of it!  
But I think I’ve learned  
what’s better asked aloud  
than texted.  
And I think…I think  
you’d be more comfortable  
answering in person.

That sounded possibly serious. Not that he disagreed. Texting wasn’t an ideal medium.

**KangYS:**  
Then get off the bus when I do.  
And we’ll talk.  
At my place.

*****

Shoes stowed away, Hyunjin paused, bag in one hand, jacket in the other. “Where…?”

Yeosang pointed to a small bench on the other side of the door. “Guests usually pile jackets there, and bags…well, if you were here to study, I’d say near the table. But you’re not, so…next to the same bench.”

He walked past, slid his backpack into its accustomed place in a corner—he’d get to the clothes stuffed inside, from when he changed for practice, later—then hung his jacket up in the open closet space near his bed. He usually preferred to shower straight away, but it could wait a bit. Not like dancers were unused to the faint smell of dried sweat in practice clothes. Sometimes non-dancers didn’t care at all—no need to go through memories like that, right now. What question was so important it had to be asked in person?

“We can sit on the chairs, again?” he offered.

Hyunjin really _did_ make his apartment look smaller, he thought silently. Of course, so did having multiple friends visiting. He hadn’t done that in a while. Hadn’t had anyone over this entire term except the person slowly moving toward the center of the room.

“Wasn’t the floor an option last time?”

“Yeah, but why would you want to sit on the floor?”

“Because there’s just enough space, between your bed and the table, for me to sit down against the wall and stretch out my legs. Like so.” He smiled up at Yeosang.

“That doesn’t really leave me any space, though.”

“Sure it does. Sit like me. In front of me.”

New way to suggest someone just sit between another person’s legs.

“Can’t face you then.”

“We can still talk. And don’t you _want_ to stretch out your legs, after the bus ride, after dance practice, after the café? The floor isn’t comfortable, but it’s not terrible.”

Reasonable-sounding excuses for skinship. He didn’t mind, but if the question was serious, it didn’t seem best.

“What’s the question about? Tell me that, then I’ll decide where I sit, floor or chair.”

“Mm. What do you want?”

“Broad topic.”

“What do you want, in this apartment, where the only guiding rule is common sense?”

“Oh.” That topic. He’d rather sit on the bed than the floor, but that might not be wise. Floor it was. He settled himself as best he could. “Why do you ask?”

“Yesterday, my idea of common sense was nothing beyond kissing. You said you were okay with that, but didn’t say what _you_ wanted.”

“I wanted to kiss you. I got what I wanted. And a bit more.”

“That. At the café, you said if it hadn’t been where it was…that makes me think what you’re okay with, and what you want, are two different things. So what do you _want_?”

He sighed and leaned back. Benefit to Hyunjin’s body proportions being so different from his: back pressed to chest, he didn’t have to brace himself to avoid sliding sideways.

“I’ll always want more. No one else knows this, but I turn people down, as nicely as I can, because so few would understand. People ‘get’ privacy, but that I don’t want _anything_ seen by anyone else? Not even by close friends? It isn’t because I’m ashamed. It’s because I don’t like stopping. So not only would I have to believe a person liked me for me, I’d have to believe they wouldn’t break my trust. Outside this apartment, nothing much happens. Inside the apartment, common sense rules. It tells me when to stop, but honestly? It doesn’t kick in for a while. So I work with what the other person prefers. I won’t let myself be as…greedy as I can be, unless the other person is on the same page. Understand?”

“I think so. On the simplest level, if I said I wanted more, you’d be okay with that? No regrets?”

“None.”

“Even if it seemed fast?”

“Wanting to know everything, aren’t you? Okay. If you hadn’t set limits yesterday, the very first day I understood how much I’d gotten wrong…it could have gone farther before I said stop. I like you. I trust you. I got more lost in kissing you than I’d thought possible. But I knew it’d be okay, that it wouldn’t be twisted into something it’s not, or misunderstood as more than wanting that much closeness. In private.”

There was a brief silence.

“I don’t know how to make this sound pretty, but…I don’t want anyone else to know all that about you, ever. Just me. Sounds crazy, doesn’t it?”

“No. I wasn’t lying at all when I said losing you—which I thought I had—was hellish. It would be.”

“Losing. I don’t want to think about losing. I actually had another question. But I had to know the answer to the first, before deciding if I could ask the second.”

“Hyunjin, in this space, you can ask anything. You might not like the answer, but I won’t lie.”

“Do you like bites? That leave marks?”

Oh, hell. Yeosang forced himself to take a deep breath, realized he’d instinctively sat up straight. That was probably answer enough. But _how_?

“Yes.” He tried to will his pulse to slow down. Just because he’d been asked, didn’t mean anything would happen. “How did you guess?”

“You seemed more casual than I’d have thought, this morning. You knew immediately what you’d need to do, if any trace remained, though you had to be fairly certain it’d be gone, since you asked _me_ _to check_ , _in public._ You. And you more or less said anyplace not obvious wouldn’t be a problem at all, but it’s beyond the line I drew yesterday. And no “system” because your ex knew where to avoid. All _seemed_ to add up to it being…frequent. The last time you dated someone.”

“Ah. Those do stack up.” Stop thinking about it stop thinking about it stop thinking about it.

“But you’re…tense?”

“Um. It _is_ beyond the boundary you set. In some ways, really far, in others, not so much.” If kissing had made him not notice a small bite…a deliberate attempt….

“If I wanted to try, could I?”

“You could.” It’d been so long.

“Is one bite enough?”

“No.” Not enough at all. “Multiple. Overlapping. Sharp and strong…bites.”

“I can manage that. You don’t usually wear loose neck shirts like this. So anywhere along here would be safe, right?”

The glide of fingertips back and forth along his shoulder sent convulsive shivers through his whole body.

“Wow,” was whispered against his neck.

“Safe, yeah. Hyunjin,” he took a deep breath, “you should know I _react_. It’s not just that I like it, though I really, really do. It’s a turn-on.”

“It is? No, I know. No biting your neck. But kissing’s fine.”

He’d asked him, Yeosang thought hazily, what kind of kisser he was. Just meant to provoke. But slow, slow kisses down his neck and across his shoulder, waiting to see which would be different? Unfair. Then starting again at the neck. When? He felt a slight graze of teeth and held his breath, but then it was back to kissing.

“ _Why_?”

“Testing. Never done this before.”

Nothing about this felt unconfident. Not the hand on his shoulder holding his shirt open, skin exposed. Not making him _wait_ _again_ , a third round of kisses, so slow, so warm, so careful, he was going to lose his mind, it was _torture_ , not knowing, caught between gentle pleasure and anticipation of something not gentle at all, it wasn’t fair, he’d missed it so much—

Oh, _fuck_. Each bite precise, pain and not pain, it felt gorgeous, perfect, it was perfect, like being a fire-breather, melting everything, collapsing, consuming, keep it, share it—.

“ _That_ is going to leave a mark. Might be larger than I meant.”

His breathing wasn’t as shallow. Good. As rapidly as he could, he turned around, each foot on the ground near the wall. “Shut up.” He latched one hand onto Hyunjin’s neck and pulled him forward. It was too much, he had to give back. Oh, his mouth was soft, and soft was good, but not right now. Bite back. Aha. A choked off sound, and it wasn’t soft anymore, it was flames and pressure, brief breaks for air, the oxygen making the fire brighter and hotter and he wanted so much more. Dammit. He had to stop. He had. To stop.

He pulled away and dropped his head. Let himself be pulled closer. Their heartbeats were about as fast. Their breathing about as ragged. He didn’t move. To be so close was a pleasure in itself.

“Are you like that, every time?”

“Usually. It can get more intense, though.”

“How?”

“Beyond practice? Location. Timing. Context. Use your imagination, but don’t dream up anything too strange.”

“Am I still allowed over tomorrow?”

“Only if you get your work done first.”

Hyunjin paused.

“You dated someone before, and you didn’t fail classes. So it must be workable, to be in the same space, here, and study. Not saying it should be all the time, but I like being around you—remember this summer? Even if nothing like this, or yesterday, happens.”

“It took a while, before he and I could balance studying with…breaks. This? Hasn’t been a while.”

“It has to start somewhere, though? Tuesday I have practical lessons, and I’ve read most of the material. I _do_ want to re-read some sections, and I’m sure you have assignments. If it doesn’t work, send me packing. It’s just…if we _could_ manage it, and if…if it’s something you’d be interested in, we could spend part of readings week together, here? Dance club stops meeting before then, because _finals_ , which means…no opportunities to de-stress. Or just have company!”

De-stress. Not entirely, though it was a very welcome distraction. But going a full two weeks—readings and finals—like he usually did? Alone? When the option was so tantalizing? And they had spent a lot of time together, before things…changed. Maybe finding a balance wouldn’t be as difficult? It’d make for anticipated study breaks, to say the least.

“We can _try_. Tomorrow. But now? You should head home. We both need to shower and sleep.”

“Yeah, I know. Bus stop wait’ll be cold. I wish I didn’t have to leave.”

Should he say it? A bit of a teasing taunt, but it was truthful.

“If you hadn’t done such a poor job with that first confession, you might not have had to.”

“Uh, clean clothes and everything? That’s all at my house.”

“Wouldn’t have had to be. Could’ve stashed a bag of whatever you wear at night, and a change of clothes for the next day, in my closet. Toothbrush, too. I don’t share that. But you could use whatever cleansing items I have in the shower. Bed isn’t that big, but two people can fit in it.”

“Kang Yeosang, you’re evil.”

“Did I say anything would necessarily have happened? You spending the night here? After showering here? When it’s late and cold outside? That’s just a level of comfort. Wooyoung’s slept over here before. We’ve had sleepovers for years.”

“It would not be the same and you know it.”

“No, I don’t. I told you, unless and until you tell me otherwise, I’d stay within your boundary.”

“If we were at a stage,” Hyunjin said, his normally relaxed voice less so, “where I had clothing here, and felt comfortable showering here, you wouldn’t be the only one greedy for more.”

“Ah. I look forward to that day. Or night.”

“Now I want to leave. Move.”

Wordlessly, Yeosang stood up and walked toward the door. Watched Hyunjin do the same, zip up his jacket, put on his shoes, shoulder his bag.

“Ready for the cold air?” he inquired.

“Yes. It’ll clear my thoughts.”

“When you get home, make sure to eat and have a nice warm shower,” he said cheerfully.

“Come here a second.”

“Away from the door?”

“Yes.”

He didn’t trust the sudden shift in tone, but stepped closer as requested.

“Before _you_ shower, check the mirror. Let me know if the marks are the kind you want, or if they’re not enough. Rather get it right sooner than later.”

Sooner than later?

“You can’t…do the same area for a while.”

“I guessed that. But your other shoulder’s bare. For now.”

For now? That sounded like tonight could repeat at any time.

“Okay,” he said faintly. “I’ll check.”

“ _And_ let me know.”

“Yeah. That, too….”

“Good. Sleep well tonight, Yeosang-ah.”

*****

**Charismatic:**  
What’s your afternoon look like?  
I mean, I know you’re probably heading  
to lunch with the students  
in your department.  
Like you’ve been doing.  
And then you have a class.  
But after that?

Yeosang nibbled on the side of his thumb. He’d just been about to enter the cafeteria. Even if he’d felt up to the challenge of resuming lunches with Wooyoung and San, it’d been helpful and fun, meeting up with students from stage design class. Be rude to drop away now. Especially Mondays, when most of them had prop design afterwards. When that ended, he _had_ planned to meet Hyunjin, take the bus back to his apartment and _try_ to study. But Wooyoung contacting him like this? Had his small actions yesterday conflicted with what he’d said last week? About time and schedules?

**KangYS:**  
I sort of have plans.  
Did you need something?

**Charismatic:**  
My muse.

He sighed. He had said he’d make time for that, no matter what. He felt sure Hyunjin would understand some delay, but you didn’t cancel promises without _very_ good reason. Creative block was a problem—this weekend had reminded him of its confidence-threatening power—but it rarely took Wooyoung that long these days. Paper, pencils, and half an hour, more often than not. Not entirely predictable, though.

**KangYS:**  
I can postpone my after-class plans  
for up to an hour?

**Charismatic:**  
That’ll work!

Now to send a message to Hyunjin. Given the class he was still in, his phone would be on silent and stored away, but he’d see it when the lecture ended.

**KangYS:**  
I don’t like that this is last-minute,  
but you remember how Wooyoung  
calls me his muse, and that…well,  
sketching me breaks through his artistic blocks?  
He asked if I’d stop by his dorm, after my class.  
I told him no more than an hour….  
You could get more work done,  
or, well, you don’t have to stay on campus.  
I’m sorry for the change, but  
I’ve never said no when he asks this.  
Even though it feels a little weird right now.

At least it was a process he was used to, a second, easier move back towards more interactions. Presumably, San wouldn’t be there—he still hadn’t figured out how to act as if he didn’t know, in front of _both_ of them.

*****

He’d almost finished eating when his phone vibrated several times. The discussion had devolved into general complaints about specific professors.

**Hypnotic:**  
How could I forget the dinosaurs?  
I understand why he’d ask.  
I’ll just stay at Felix’s and keep reading.

**KangYS:**  
Not the library?

**Hypnotic:**  
Always either too cold or too warm.  
Better here.  
Text me when you’re done.

*****

Wooyoung opened his door with a bright smile. Much better than last week. As long as he didn’t think about the last month, maybe this would be okay.

“Jongho?” he asked, dropping his shoes near the door.

“Rehearsing for something. Sit, sit!”

“I’m not a dog.”

“No, but you gave a deadline.”

Yeosang rolled his eyes and sat down on the bed. Wooyoung grabbed his supplies from his desk and joined him.

“Love,” Wooyoung said with an annoyed expression, as he propped the sketchpad on his drawn-up knees, and began to draw.

“Love?” Not a safe topic.

“The theme of our finals assignment. Allowed to be any artistic style we want. I won’t bore you with the unimaginative ideas my classmates have begun work on, except to say this is November, not February or March.”

Which meant, to Wooyoung, what everyone else had planned were concepts better suited to Valentine’s Day or its complementary romantic flipside, White Day.

“Isn’t San in that class with you?”

“Other section. His idea’s not terrible, but it’s not very inspired.”

That seemed a little harsh, given…circumstances. Then again, Wooyoung hadn’t ever held back when it came to the arts and his opinions. Didn’t matter how close a person was.

“Did the professor specify which kind of love?”

“No. Which should have meant I’d be surrounded by explorations of every form, but the canvases, thus far, are lacking. Mine is blank. So many ideas, I can’t pick one. It’s a weird block, to be overwhelmed. Though at least I can discount romantic love.”

“Because it’s November?”

“Because I’m not in love with anyone. _And_ it’d be boring.”

“But—.” He wasn’t supposed to know.

“Your face is so symmetrical. Could I paint that? Love as symmetry? Using geometry? But I don’t like geometry.”

Why had he said he wasn’t in love with anyone? Maybe he’d been rejected? But that didn’t stop love. Not unless someone was cruel. And San wasn’t like that. Maybe he hadn’t realized he was in love? Though the video had made it seem so obvious. And Wooyoung had seen the video. It didn’t make sense.

“You’ve…been in love, before.”

“To some degree. Nothing all-consuming. And I’ve fallen out of it, each time.”

Nothing strong enough to endure a difficult time? Had—had his pulling away put so much stress on his friends, it’d caused that? Had he made the worst decision possible? If he had, there was no way to fix it. No lies to clear up and be forgiven for. Actions couldn’t be undone.

“Yeosang? Are you okay?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I…I don’t know.”

“Every time you get hesitant, I _know_ you’re overthinking. What’s wrong?” He set down his pencil and sketchpad.

“The video. The part I saw. You were both upset. The kiss was the mistake. You told him it was okay. That you loved him. That’s when I stopped it. I’d never heard you say that to him before.”

“I do love him. Like a friend.”

“No…I mean…it looked like you were _in love_ with him.”

Wooyoung looked at him steadily. “But I’m not.”

“Because of me?”

“What?”

“I thought…since I thought you were in love with him, I thought I should give you both space. The…weirdness from the kiss was part of that decision, but it was more for you. I wanted you to be happy. But last week, what you said? It hadn’t worked out like I’d thought. So… _were_ you in love with him? But fell out of love, because I made you feel like you’d have to choose?”

He frowned. “That’s not how it works. I mean, yeah, external stress can fracture, even break, emotional connections, but I never have been and cannot picture myself ever being, in love with him—or you.”

“Me?!”

“I know it’s ridiculous, but a horrified face is not an ego boost.”

“Sorry.”

“I _do_ love you both, but not in the same way. San’s important to me. Very. I hope we’ll be friends forever. But you? I _literally_ can’t remember a time without you in my life. Because you always have been. You’re like family, but more. Though I kind of want to hit you, right now, for isolating yourself, thinking that’d make me happy. That’s insane. You being sad makes me angry. All those dance instructors. I wanted them to let you shine? What kind of best friend does it make me, that it didn’t occur to me _I_ could’ve made a difference?”

“It’s not your fault. You were used to how things were.”

“Not an excuse for hurting you, three terms in a row. Wait. Was that what he meant?”

“What? Who?”

“Hyunjin. The day you attacked Changbin. The day I explained the muse thing. He asked if I’d ever helped you. He meant dance, didn’t he? Dance club.”

“He shouldn’t have brought it up,” Yeosang said quietly.

“If I was him, I would’ve. I’m sorry, Yeosang-ah.”

“It’s over. It’s okay.”

“It is, isn’t it? Can’t change the past. You’re excellent, you know, at dancing. I hope you beat us.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Okay, I don’t. But if we win, we’ll be scraping by.” He picked up his pencil and rolled it between his fingers. “Next time I’m in love with someone, I’ll tell you—if you tell me.”

“Might have to wait a while. I’ve liked people, quite a lot. Been attracted to them. But in love? Don’t think so.”

“Hmm. Given the way your brain works, you might not realize until it’s pointed out to you.”

“Stop _analyzing_ me and draw. I have a schedule to keep.”

*****  
Wooyoung

**JungWY:**  
There could not be fairness  
as long as he thought  
I was in love with San.  
That’s fixed now.  
My own methods.  
Didn’t mention you at all.  
It was between me and him, anyway.

**Hyunjin:**  
You and your muse.

**JungWY:**  
Always.

*****

**JungWY:**  
Yeosang’s no longer thinks  
I have any romantic…anything toward you.  
Thank God.  
You’re still going to wait?

**Artist2:**  
As opposed to what?  
Telling him something he’s never considered?  
Before Friday’s competition is over?

**JungWY:**  
He’s not weak.

**Artist2:**  
I know.  
But it’s going to startle him.  
And that group he’s with?  
Being off at all?  
Won’t look good.  
Not risking a dream of his,  
to find out if there’s a chance.  
After more than a year and a half  
of saying nothing, to choose _now_  
would be so selfish.  
I already made one giant mistake.  
Not making a worse one.

*****  
Yeosang

 _What is seen and not seen can influence audience perception more than words._ It wasn’t just stage directions in plays his professor’s words applied to. Felt like it fit any situation. Because of a partial video recording, and misreading a staged kiss he hadn’t expected, he’d assumed his best friend was in love. Because of a hand on an arm, and a sudden increase in time together, he’d assumed Felix might have an interest. Because of a text message instead of an in-person conversation, he’d assumed there was no way Hyunjin could have meant what he said. Still a botched confession, but in-person maybe it wouldn’t have turned out like it did. Things he’d seen and not seen had convinced him of facts that didn’t exist.

But could he have asked “Are you in love with San, Wooyoung?” No. He’d been too upset at himself, and then he’d fallen back. Plus, relationships were private. Could he have asked Felix? No. He’d had no right to, even if he’d known him a bit better as he did now. Could he have asked Hyunjin why? Probably, if he hadn’t been so swiftly certain it couldn’t be real, and then distressed and panicked by what a poorly phrased answer might cost him.

Body positions, physical distances, expressions, styles of speech, when and how actors entered and exited a scene—without those written cues, how could anyone know what he meant to convey about the characters and their purposes in the plot? A set crowded with odds and ends, a set stripped to the minimum. A letter torn in half, or carefully added to a box, or crumpled then smoothed. Without all those details, there was no structure and no guidance.

People didn’t follow scripts, but there was a reason body language experts existed—what was said, did it match or contradict what was seen? Or not seen?

If someone could see the two of them, now, sitting at his apartment table, each with a book in hand, what would they think? Friends? Study partners? No way a still of this particular moment in time could speak of yesterday, or the day before. If a stranger somehow glimpsed the large, hooded sweatshirt, folded on a shelf in his closet, it wouldn’t mean anything to them. If they’d heard a recording of Hyunjin saying if he was going to study here, given the colder weather, having access to another layer could be helpful? Who would think twice? But the two of them knew the subtext. A reference to his comment last night, about keeping clothes here. A slight indication of intent. Knowing _all_ , the entire scene took on a different dimension. Words were important, but if they didn’t make sense or were missing, you looked for other signals.

Like…why had Jongho sent him that video in the first place? Because he hadn’t known San and he had planned four weeks of a fake rebound? Maybe he’d thought it a bad disagreement? He’d only seen, after all. Yeosang paused. _He_ had only seen a small bit. Jongho had seen more. And he’d heard more. But he didn’t _know_ more. No way would Wooyoung or San have brought up the actual nature of the mistake. That’d be like…

“Did you tell Changbin? Felix said you texted me from his room, that day, and he made you tell him what was wrong. But you didn’t tell Changbin, did you?”

Hyunjin looked at him in puzzlement. “No. He’s my friend, but we’re not close like that. Wasn’t anything I wanted to share, anyway. Why?”

“Trying to understand something. You were right, by the way. Wooyoung isn’t in love with San.”

“Oh.” He looked back down at his book. “What are you going to do with that information?”

“Nothing. It’s a relief, not feeling guilty anymore. It’s nice to know I don’t have to pretend I’m unaware of a big secret. I still don’t understand why San thought it a good idea to kiss me, just because you were there, but he knows it was a mistake. I forgave him. Even if the weirdness…. He and Wooyoung thought—well, they still think—that you and I were real, back then. And they both know—nevermind. Bringing up past relationships? Not good manners.”

“ _Comparing_ isn’t great, and neither is constantly talking about it, but it’s part of your past. Ignore it, reference it, your decision.” He looked back up. “I am curious to know what you think is weird, though.”

“You think I’ll quietly obsess if I don’t discuss it, don’t you?”

“You don’t always. Just, when you do, you can reach not great conclusions,” Hyunjin said carefully.

“It’s only been _bad_ this semester.”

“It’s still this semester.”

He did want another opinion. He had to be missing something.

“Looking back, it seems very weird because they’ve always thought we were _really_ dating, starting the second day of term. And they both knew my ex, both knew I never kissed him in public. You know the full reasons why; they just think I dislike public displays. Knowing and believing all that, what kind of message did he think that would send to you? If all of September was like they thought, you’d have known. San didn’t think it out. It wouldn’t, like he said, have made you think you had no chance. It’d just—it’d have looked off, to you, wouldn’t it?”

“All I remember you saying was you couldn’t fake kissing.”

“No point in telling you more than that, then.”

“I get that. But if September had been something like now? And we’d actually broken up, and I thought you’d truly been dating San?” Hyunjin closed his eyes briefly. “I think I’d have thought he was desperate. With the kiss.”

“Desperate?”

“Not to lose his chance with you.”

“But I walked away. So the theoretical you who _did_ date me, would that have made you think you had no chance?”

“Him seeming desperate? No. How pained you looked? Probably.”

“Oh.” That sounded how he’d felt. He’d liked him, he’d liked the kiss, and then San had said it was just for show. And then he’d sort of…spiraled into assumptions. He had to learn to stop doing that.

“Yeosang? There’s a question I’ve been meaning to ask, but I keep getting…distracted.”

“We’ve been doing surprisingly well today.”

“So far.”

Two dull words that could combine together into something else.

“Point taken. Ask now?”

“You told your friends we broke up, the day I was an idiot and texted you.”

“I did. I said it’d been a few days before.”

“You never told them it was fake?”

What an odd look on his face.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Partly because it started because of your crush, and I don’t like it when other people tell parts of someone else’s life. Partly because I thought they’d be upset, that I’d deceived them. Partly because it never…it never felt fake. It wasn’t normal, but it felt like it could be. If things were different. I don’t think I ever told you, but the first self-choreographed piece you sent me? If I’d thought of you as more than a friend, _I’d_ have asked _you_ out, then.”

“ _You_?”

“Just because I’ve never done it before, doesn’t mean I’d be afraid to. It was the first time I was interested enough. I’ve said it before. You become the dance. It’s fascinating.”

“That was in summer.”

“Yeah. And you’d have said no, because of your crush. But you were rapidly becoming important to me, a close friend, so I didn’t. But having had that thought? Made the prelude less difficult. I thought to myself, until it’s over, act like it’s real. As the weeks went by, it _felt_ real. I knew it wasn’t, but….” He shrugged. “Irrelevant now.”

Hyunjin smoothed his hair back and sighed. “Okay.”

“Want to know something else weird?”

“Does it require mental gymnastics and guesswork?”

“No. Wooyoung needed to sketch me because he had _too many_ ideas, and couldn’t pick. Not his typical block, but love as a finals theme? So much potential, yet so overused you can’t be completely original. That’s how I found out I was wrong. He was irritated by how many classmates are focused on romantic love, said he could at least dismiss that. Too boring! Then he nearly called San’s idea uninspired!”

“I seem to recall you wanting to perfect part of our choreo before he showed up, because you knew he’d critique you.”

“He _can_ be restrained. If he has enough reason to be. But in his family, it’s no holds barred. And growing up together, I got used to it.”

“I heard you judge him right back.”

“I think of that more as occasional, specific reminders that he has flaws.”

“Mm-hm. So was he inspired by you?”

“He didn’t seem as frustrated, when I left. But love is tricky.”

“Not always.”

“Hah! My group’s song’s lyrics are about love and they’re all over the place. He made her cry, left her, realized how much he missed being the center of her universe, was scared to take responsibility, and _probably_ only decided to return when he saw someone else making a move.”

“Cynic. By the way, your costume shirt isn’t loose or sheer or anything, right?”

“No. Why? Hoping for a different answer?” He smiled.

“No,” Hyunjin drawled. “Just occurred to me, you probably haven’t tried it on since last night, and the marks….”

“Oh. Oh, no.” Yeosang scrambled away from the table and skidded towards his closet. “I think it’ll be fine.” He pulled out a soft blue V-neck sweater. “But you _have_ to check. I’ll wear a shirt under, if I have to. They won’t have faded enough before Wednesday. We have that brief run through, then.” He flung the sweater on the bed. The group leader wouldn’t be happy with a costume adjustment, but if he didn’t have a choice? As quickly as he could, he stripped off his long-sleeved shirt, then reached for the sweater.

“Warn me next time!”

“About what?” He pulled the sweater on, and tugged it into place.

“Clothing.”

He turned around and leveled an incredulous look at Hyunjin. “Off and right back on. Not like I took off my jeans. Light. Where’s the brightest light?” He looked around his apartment. Kitchen? No. Entryway? Hardly. Bathroom? Not with one bulb needing to be replaced. Damn. Bedside lamp wasn’t too dim, and if he sat down on the mattress edge, and swiveled the neck of the lamp around—best he could hope for. “Come here.”

“Why?”

“Use your common sense!” He adjusted the standing lamp. He’d meant to buy a new light bulb yesterday. He dropped onto the mattress, then turned around. “Come check.”

He heard a sigh, and a chair being pushed back. It wasn’t a far walk. “Well?”

“Just looking, I can’t see them, but dancing in this, it’ll move around. So I can’t tell you for sure.”

“Then pull the neckline to the side.”

“What did I do in a past life?”

“Hyunjin. Seriously.”

“Fine.”

Gently, the sweater was eased sideways.

“Oh…. Oh, my God. I did that.”

“I’ll need a shirt underneath?”

“Yeah….”

His voice.

“You did more than whatever’s showing right now.”

“I know. Just…different, with this much light.”

Current boundaries versus what he could hear in his voice.

“It’s not bad, if you want to see all of it.” How to be reassuring? “Sweater doesn’t have to come off. You _would_ have to push the fabric all the way up in the back. Which means it _would_ ride up a lot, in the front. But it’d still be on. Your decision.”

“It wouldn’t be…strange?”

“Not in my opinion. Aside from how it feels—which is beyond words—I like the marks as reminders of desire. Temporary body art. You’re the artist. How would it be strange, to want to see what you created, before it fades?”

“They do fade, don’t they?”

“Which lets new ones replace them.”

“I wouldn’t want the sweater to be stretched out of shape.”

“Mm. Okay.” He really hoped the slight amazement, and the curiosity he’d heard, didn’t change to dislike. Bites that left a mark weren’t ‘pretty,’ but every time he saw them, he smiled. He pulled the sweater over his head and laid it down next to him. Then sat quietly.

Kneeling. That was better than stepping back. Kneeling meant he wanted to see better.

“Does it hurt when touched?”

“If you pressed on the area, it would. Not badly, but not pleasant.”

Fingertips delicately traced the outline. He exhaled slowly and forced himself to remain still.

“Is it really beyond words, how it feels?”

Which form of curiosity brought on that question?

“Maybe not. Wouldn’t be a coherent sentence, though.”

Arms wrapped around his waist. Head pressed against his other shoulder.

“I’m scared, Yeosang-ah.”

“Of what?”

“Three days. Within three days, I did… _that_.”

Couldn’t have everything.

“You never have to, again.”

“Not what I meant. Until Thursday, you hadn’t talked to me in a long time. I wondered why, every day. But every time I questioned it, I remembered your face. After San kissed you, whatever was said. You did look pained, but also like something inside you was...breaking? When you smiled at me, it was dreadful. Worse, when you smiled at him. I wanted to go after you, but I didn’t know what had happened. So I just watched. Then you got so distant. You’d never been like that with me, before. What had I done? I didn’t know. Then Friday. Friday changed everything. I had hope. Saturday, you looked better than you had in weeks. That whole conversation, I could never have predicted. And a first kiss like that? It felt like…it felt like I’d waited _years_ , Yeosang, but I haven’t known you for years. Sunday, _yesterday_ , teasing and flirting, I’m used to that. And I’m not completely inexperienced, but marks like these? I’d never done anything similar. It’s a turn-on to you, the way it feels. But how you reacted, knowing it was because of me? If you hadn’t stopped…I don’t know. Today—the idea of someone else being what you call an artist? I hate that. Friday, Saturday, Sunday, each day escalating, that’s supposed to be too fast. But it doesn’t feel that way. I don’t understand it. I don’t know what to call what we are. That should worry me. But it doesn’t. I’m scared that nothing feels fast, or unusual, or worrisome. I don’t what that means.”

Maybe Hyunjin’s confusion and fear arose from his admission he’d always want more? Common sense encompassed a lot, but it was much vaguer than most people’s gradual easing from one stage to another. He didn’t see a point in pre-set boundaries, himself, except to respect what a partner wanted.

“I don’t know if it helps to be told this, but none of that scares me. I find you enchanting, in all ways. Maybe that was part of why it felt so close to real, when it wasn’t? It’s as easy to talk to you seriously, or laugh, as it is to be lost in wanting more. Easy, as in both seem natural. What we are?” He bit his lip. “Too much and not enough—that fits, but I’m not aware of any normal terms they can translate to. It’s uneven, I know. How different I need us to be, here versus everywhere else. I don’t want it to cause you stress, but I can’t change how I am.”

“Keeping the difference a secret doesn’t stress me out. Like I told you yesterday, I don’t want other people to know.”

He shivered. “I hate to destroy the mood, but I’m getting cold.”

“I don’t want to let go.”

Yeosang laughed.

“Last night you didn’t want to leave. Now you don’t want to let go. What _am_ I going to do with you?”

“Keep me?”

“I’d already planned on that.”

“Did you?”

“Yes. You’re my favorite artist.”

A pause.

“I’m going back to my reading.”

Maybe they could balance studying and study breaks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have *not* forgotten about San.....just have to wait on chapter 5! Which is about 2/3 written......but there are still a couple scenes remaining. As I said, I like trying to give characters their full opportunities to be heard. If that makes sense? 
> 
> Also, there are *really* fascinating drinks made in Korean cafes. Tiramisu latte was popular a while back.....not sure now. But the description someone gave, when they "drank" it....sounded super rich. A little too much on an empty stomach! ;)
> 
> Study cafes are a popular thing, but I blended the ones I found online together.
> 
> And, oh, yes! The VIXX dance cover referenced.......completely iconic!  
> https://youtu.be/SeR2DYTOOEQ


	5. Finale.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took a while, but I did what I wanted to do.....give each character his due. No rushing. 
> 
> Contact IDs in this chapter!  
> For Yeosang (KangYS): Wooyoung (Charismatic), San (Magnetic), Hyunjin (Hypnotic)  
> For Wooyoung (JungWY): Hyunjin (Hyunjin) and San (Artist2)

We3

**KangYS:**   
The hops!  
I caught the hops during practice!  
You all looked so _cute_!

**Magnetic:**   
It looks ridiculous.

**KangYS:**   
You _had_ to know, with Wooyoung  
among you, it’d be like that.

**Charismatic:**   
Ridiculous?!

**KangYS:**   
Adorable.  
Hilariously adorable.

**Charismatic:**   
There are sexy parts in the routine!  
Why can’t you compliment those?

**KangYS:**   
We barely get breaks.  
Pure luck I saw what I did.

**Magnetic:**   
Do you still have rehearsal tomorrow, too?

**KangYS:**   
It’ll be Wednesday.  
So, yes.

**Charismatic:**   
At least you look better than last week.

**KangYS:**   
I feel better.  
It’s almost over.

**Charismatic:**   
Your over-packed schedule.

**Magnetic:**   
But dance club, too.

**KangYS:**   
Just for the term.  
Staying on campus so many days a week,  
and studying in the library  
because I didn’t have time to go home  
and do anything productive  
before having to catch a bus back?  
Won’t miss that.  
And we all need the break before finals.

He’d promised Wooyoung the current situation was temporary. Here he was, texting normally after Tuesday night’s practice! Knowing the truth, now, he wouldn’t feel strange if the three of them met up together. He’d missed them.

**KangYS:**   
Speaking of finals!  
Narrowed it down, Wooyoung?

**Magnetic:**   
Beyond that.  
He’s started sketching.

**Charismatic:**   
Not another word, Choi San.

**KangYS:**   
I broke the block, but you won’t  
tell me what you’re going to paint?  
That seems unjust.

**Charismatic:**   
It’s a surprise.

**KangYS:**   
Will you tell me what _you’re_ painting, San?

**Magnetic:**   
Namhae.  
A place in Namhae I find peaceful.

**KangYS:**   
Peacefulness as love.  
I like that.  
Doesn’t sound uninspired to me.

**Magnetic:**   
Uninspired, Wooyoung?

**Charismatic:**   
I didn’t say that!  
Not exactly.  
But lots of people love nature.  
It’s not _different_.  
Though it _is_ better than what almost  
everyone else has planned.

**KangYS:**   
Can’t I get a hint?

**Charismatic:**   
No.

**KangYS:**   
Then I’ll guess.

**Charismatic:**   
You’ll never get it, but try if it makes you happy.

**KangYS:**   
The ill-fated love of tectonic plates.

**Magnetic:**   
The _what?_

**KangYS:**   
Well, tectonic movement isn’t always bad,  
but when they cause earthquakes?  
That seems like an ill-fated love.

**Charismatic:**   
No.

**KangYS:**   
A collage of scenes from “Fake Love”?  
Arranged in a circle around a small,  
middle painting of you and San,  
when you did the dance cover?

**Charismatic:**   
I didn’t think of that.  
Damn.

**KangYS:**   
It’s only been _one day_.  
You can change your mind.  
You don’t even have to give me credit.  
Though you should.

**Charismatic:**   
Not happening.  
Already committed.

**KangYS:**   
That’s silly!  
You loved figuring out the cover,  
the both of you, and you won!  
And you love winning!

**Magnetic:**   
He loves what he chose much more.

**Charismatic:**   
San, I will rip the stitching out of  
your favorite plushie and throw  
away its fluffy non-organs  
if you don’t shut up.

**Magnetic:**   
Okay, okay!

**KangYS:**   
Um.  
To avoid plushie homicide,  
I’ll stop guessing, and work on  
an assignment of my own.  
Which I should be doing anyway.  
Have…fun?

*****

**KangYS:**   
No. Absolutely not.  
I am taking an official break  
from my last stuck in the library  
pre-Wednesday-rehearsal time  
to make a stand and declare that  
stage lighting is superior.

**Hypnotic:**   
Not even possible.  
It’s _all_ artificial light.

**KangYS:**   
Oh, and you can control the weather  
on a filming day?  
It could rain. No sun, then!  
Stages? Indoors.  
Lighting designers work with  
set designers and adjustments are made  
through the entire preparation process.  
And the actors have their blocking.  
So the exactly right color, focus, and intensity  
is consistent every performance.  
If you film a scene between two days,  
and let’s just say it’s indoors, for  
a fairer comparison?  
Not everything will be the same.  
Sure, you can fix things in post-production,  
but it’s not perfectly on point, _live_ ,  
like it is on stage.  
Therefore, stage lighting wins.

**Hypnotic:**   
What about scenes by candlelight?  
Even if you _use_ candles,  
you have to have spotlights to create  
the ambient effect!  
We can just zoom in!

**KangYS:**   
And _how_ many productions _only_ use candles?  
They use supplemental lighting, too.  
Otherwise, they’d be using hundreds  
of candles, all dripping wax, and  
that would have to be cleaned up.  
Messy and inefficient.

**Hypnotic:**   
On stage?  
Any scene supposedly outside?  
Can never really look outdoors!  
No natural light!

**KangYS:**   
The colors can be adjusted to give  
the right _feel_.  
A sunlit day, an overcast day, whatever.  
_Film_ , when using natural lighting,  
is restricted by the sun’s actual  
transit across the sky!  
_We_ can decide how gradual a sunrise is.

**Hypnotic:**   
Do you have to win every debate?

**KangYS:**   
Only when I’m right.

**Hypnotic:**   
What if you _think_ you’re right,  
and you’re absolutely wrong?  
Case in point: me.

Well, damn. He had made a lot of incorrect assumptions and treated them as truths, this term.

**KangYS:**   
I was missing key information.  
which I wouldn’t have been,  
if you’d confessed _in person_.  
Incomplete can seem complete,  
if what I know or suspect makes sense.

**Hypnotic:**   
You wrote out how many scenes  
over the weekend?  
Before settling on one?  
The same could work in real life.  
So to speak.

**KangYS:**   
Writing a scene doesn’t involve  
overwhelmed emotions.  
And I didn’t have anyone to talk to,  
to help me figure those out.  
_(read)_

**Hypnotic:**   
You have me, from now on.  
No matter what.  
If you want.

If? Why wouldn’t he?

**KangYS:**   
I’ll always want you.  
Not just like that!  
I mean….

**Hypnotic:**   
Don’t worry about it.  
Get back to your work before rehearsal.

**KangYS:**   
I will, but I forgot to tell you!  
I thought of a workaround!

**Hypnotic:**   
About?

**KangYS:**   
I went back to their comeback stage,  
and Jinyoung was wearing a blue button down,  
buttoned _all_ the way up.  
So I’ll super politely say I made an error  
in my earlier choice, and since I want  
to give the most accurate cover possible,  
I changed out. Same color palette, and  
she wants a perfect performance,  
so it should go over fine.  
Only thought of it when it occurred to me  
I couldn’t give a reasonable explanation  
for an undershirt. Like, what, a parrot  
landed on my shoulder and its talons dug in?  
She’d ask if I’d seen a doctor.  
_(read)_

**Hypnotic:**   
A parrot.  
Needed a minute to stop laughing.  
Do you have a blue button down?

**KangYS:**   
Yeah.  
No fancy decoration like the comeback,  
but I’m not crafty, don’t have a sewing machine,  
and don’t care anyway.  
It’s the dance that matters.

**Hypnotic:**   
That’s true.

**KangYS:**   
Glad I don’t have to hop in mine!

**Hypnotic:**   
Don’t start in on that.

**KangYS:**   
All right, I won’t.  
Study well…baby!

He stifled a giggle. Library, after all.

**Hypnotic:**   
Is that allowed back?  
Fantastic.

**KangYS:**   
It was a joke, Hyunjin.  
A one-time joke.  
Hyunjin!

He heaved a resigned sigh as he slipped his phone into a pocket. His own fault. Hyunjin hadn’t _overdone_ it before, he probably wouldn’t, now. It was just so…so ridiculous. He shook his head and turned his attention back to his laptop. At least this week’s scene was simple: a company retreat that doesn’t go according to plan. It was delightful to write.

*****

“I cannot say nice things. If you don’t let me breathe, Wooyoung!” Yeosang wheezed out from the tight hug he was wrapped in. “Thank you.” He smiled brilliantly at him. “I knew you’d win. Two amazingly talented ReVeluvs and my three favorite dancers. Unstoppable combination.”

“ _Three_ favorite dancers?”

“Um. Well. Yes. Hyunjin and I…we’re getting along again. It’s…yeah. Anyway! I’m so happy for you!”

“I didn’t think your group would be third.”

“NCT U’s ‘BOSS’ being covered entirely by women? As fierce as the original, _and_ adding their own ad libs? I’m not surprised they were voted second.” He leaned in close to whisper, “I’m glad we _placed_. The leather pants? _Not_ fitting the song’s concept. Should have just gone casual and layered, like GOT7 did when they performed it.”

“Your fault for throwing open the doors to ‘sexy.’”

“That was for song selection and choreo! I didn’t think people would care about _clothes_. I cannot wait to get home and throw these away.”

“Why? You look kinda hot.” Wooyoung gave him a flirty smile. “ _Some_ might appreciate that.”

“Then they can thrift their own pair, and wear them out while I stay nice and cozy in my apartment.”

“You’re cute.”

“I like comfortable.” He paused, aware Hyunjin might be listening. “Comfortable clothes, I mean. Being fashionable in scene shop is asking to get outfits ruined.”

“Yeosang?”

He turned sideways to face San. “Congratulations to you, too!”

“Thanks.” He smiled. “Um. I know things have been…different, and not in a good way, since that afternoon. The whole…kiss thing.”

“The mistake. It’s okay. I forgive you. Forgave you, then.”

“It’s still awkward, though.”

Well, yes. How could it not be? Why was he bringing it up? Here and now?

“Maybe a little. Almost forgotten, though! It’ll be fine.”

“Almost forgotten,” San repeated quietly.

Yeosang quickly looked around. Wooyoung was with a group of people. Hyunjin was laughing with Felix. He felt nervous.

“That can happen,” San continued, his voice still low. “Sometimes the only option one sees. In light of that, could we, just the two of us, meet for coffee tomorrow? Erase how that afternoon went?”

San’s way of apologizing? It _would_ make everyone’s lives easier, if they could smooth over that day entirely.

“Um. Yeah. When and where?”

“Around 3:00? I know you like completing as much of your assignments on weekend mornings as you can.”

“Before my crazy dance practice schedule interfered. It really will be nice, not having to be in the library so much. Where?”

“Here? Campus, I mean. I know it’s pretty chilly, but enough layers, and walking around, we should be fine.”

Walking and talking—that sounded like…like a reset. That was good. Though caffeine at 3:00?

“Decaf, for me. Too much caffeine this past month.”

“Okay. I’ll buy us both drinks at the little café near the admin building? Meet there?”

“Sure.”

“See you then, Yeosang-ah.”

He watched him walk to join Wooyoung. He really had missed him. Both of them. Would their two friend groups have mixed some, if Hyunjin had shown up in person that day? Though there was the overlap already of San and Changbin being roommates. And Wooyoung sometimes hanging out in their room to escape Jongho. Poor Wooyoung. Youngest of them all.

He looked at Hyunjin again. It hadn’t been a lie to say the winning group had his three favorite dancers. But to be truthful, one dancer was his absolute favorite. His…ult? He smiled.

The dance club president stepped in front of him. “We’re graduating on a win!”

“You are. Congratulations. Getting the three of them in sync, and then working as smoothly as they did with the two of you? It’s really impressive.”

“A tough challenge, but worth it. You did a superb job, too, you know.”

“Ah. Thank you. Though if I could burn these pants, I would. So uncomfortable. How idols wear what they wear, and dance under all those lights? Don’t know how they do it. And their dry cleaning bills must be astronomical.”

“For all their costumes in a year? More costly than some cars, probably.” She hesitated. “It’s a bit out of line for me to say this, but I’m glad, Yeosang, that it worked back out. He’s good for you. You’re good for him.”

He stared at her. “It’s…obvious?” Wouldn’t San and Wooyoung have said something, if so?

“To others? Highly doubt it. I had three ‘bad boys,’” she laughed, “under my close supervision three nights a week for a month. This past week, the atmosphere changed. And you’d stopped looking like a very coordinated zombie. I normally wouldn’t say anything, but you helped make sure my girl wasn’t kicked out of the club. That meant a lot. So, I’m really glad, Yeosang. I’m happy for you.” She smiled at him, then walked to another club member.

This was the strangest semester.

“Here.” Felix said firmly, pulling Hyunjin behind him. “Not sure why you’re both keeping it a secret, but this way neither of you has to seek the other out. The three of us are together, chatting briefly, and, oh! I think I see someone waving at me. Me waving back. Me leaving him here with you. Ta!”

“I didn’t want to interrupt you and your friends.”

“Oh. Thank you. Been a while since I’ve felt that relaxed around them. Though San….” He frowned.

“San what?”

“He wants to meet up tomorrow for coffee, walk around campus. Talk. I think try to replace that mixed-up day. Even though I told him it was practically forgotten.”

“No lies, Yeosang.”

“It _would_ be nearly forgotten, if it wasn’t confusing. He knew it was a mistake almost right after, so why’d he do it? Like an unsolved puzzle. But if we don’t get past it, it might create a problem? Maybe. I don’t know. What he suggested sounded like a regular, friendly activity.”

“Sounds that way, yeah. Interesting costumes your group had.”

“Thus far tonight, I have said I will throw away these pants, and expressed a wish to burn them. But that doesn’t seem _enough_. Would fake leather break a shredder?”

“I’d say yes.”

“How do I express my hatred of them, then?”

Hyunjin’s eyes lit up in amusement.

“Hate is a strong word.”

“I found them at a secondhand market. They’re cheaply made. The inside seams? Badly done. Dancing in them did _not_ feel good, but I had to keep the right facial expressions. If I could pitch them into the sea, and know they would sink to the depths, I would, but they’re fabric, they’d float, and that’s littering. Burning them would probably create toxic fumes. Shredding them won’t work. That leaves my first and most boring idea: throwing them away. Oh, well.”

“The things you think up.”

“Be a bad playwright if I wasn’t inventive. Guess that applies to all artists.” He grinned. “Even those whose work is never seen in public.”

“You are so…,” Hyunjin’s voice trailed off.

“What?” he asked curiously.

“Lovely.”

“Not in this outfit.”

“Overall, lovely. Except your manners—no congratulations for me?”

Yeosang’s jaw dropped a little, then snapped shut.

“You were marvelous. Incredible. Wonderful. Perfectly timed. Sexy-playful when supposed to be, and cute-funny when supposed to be. The five of you totally deserved to win. Congratulations!”

“Hm. For all that, I’ll make sure you get home safely. But,” he dropped his voice to a whisper, “I am _not_ staying. I just…can’t, tonight.”

“You never have to. Not ever. Not for anything. Are you sure about my commute back? It’ll add extra time, for you.”

“I’m sure.”

*****

“You didn’t have to come up.”

“I said I’d see you home safely.”

“I’m not barely awake, like a week ago.”

“That’s right. One week to the day, first time I rode the bus home with you.”

“You’re not one of _those_ people, are you?” Yeosang asked, taken aback. “Making a deal out of every ‘first’? Nothing is an anniversary until it’s been a _year_.”

“You don’t think it’s sweet, _baby_?”

“One warning. That’s all I’m giving you. For using that word, _and_ that I _have_ to change. So shut your eyes.” He grabbed a pair of joggers. Anything was better.

Hyunjin leaned against a wall, eyes closed. “I don’t make fusses about weeks or months. Not my style. Just an observation.”

With great satisfaction, Yeosang peeled off the pants and shoved them into the trash bin. Then quickly pulled on the joggers.

“All covered up.”

Hyunjin opened his eyes and snorted. “That shirt and those…whatever they are? Not an attractive combination.”

“I’ll have to change again, after I shower. No point in creating more laundry for myself.”

“No. When are you meeting San?”

“3:00. Lets me clear out a lot of work first.”

“You and early mornings. Guess he’s known that about you for a long time. Habits, likes, dislikes. Goes with being friends. You find things out, day by day, until you know someone well enough you know when to wait. How to wait.”

“I guess so?” Wooyoung had waited a long time, after he asked for space. And waiting wasn’t something Wooyoung liked to do.

“Will you text me, when you leave campus? Let me know how it goes?”

“Of course. Though I don’t think there’ll be much to say.” It was just coffee.

“You never know. Even expected events, when they happen, can surprise you with sudden realizations.”

“That’s…almost philosophical. You okay, Hyunjin?”

“If not now, I will be, I promise. I’d better go. Only going to get colder.”

Yeosang grabbed hold of his coat sleeve.

“Wait. _Is_ something wrong?”

“I understand something I didn’t, before. That’s all.”

He couldn’t force him to say something he didn’t want to. And he trusted him. If nothing was wrong, then…he should let it go. But…

“I need to catch the bus, Yeosang. Text me tomorrow. Please.”

But if nothing was wrong, why did his voice sound strained?

“I will.”

*****

“Every practice was like that. I put my notes in a _binder_ , I had so many! Even though we didn’t win, it was worth it. Even though it took up so much time. I feel braver, now. Like I could pick a solo of any kind, and not be afraid. I still know my limits, but if the exact choreo didn’t fit, I could adapt it. Like the duet I did with Hyunjin. A lot was identical, but not all. To be seen as more than ‘good enough’—I’ve wanted that for so long.”

“I wish I’d realized sooner. I’d have offered last fall.”

Yeosang shook his head. “You’d just joined the club. It was too new. And the duet you did with—oh, I forget her name—it was really good! Though that term—Wooyoung is incredible, but his style is _not_ Hoya’s. Not bad, but not his best. Then the two of you in spring? Your ‘Fake Love’ duet? Very cool. So much is just…timing. I wouldn’t have danced the duet I did except Hyunjin—well.” He’d made the offer.

“It makes sense you’d be more willing to try something like that with someone you were dating.”

“Oh, not you, too. Wooyoung said the same kind of thing, back then. It was a story. I could’ve danced it with anyone.”

“With me or Wooyoung?”

Yeosang paused. Tried to imagine it. The tension, the frustration, the longing? Maybe not. But that was personal. Not something he’d ever share.

“Wrong body proportions for the key dance segment,” he said briskly. “He’s a lot closer to Hyungwon’s proportions than either of you.”

“The girl who covered Lucas’s part in ‘BOSS’ was short.”

“Not the same thing.” He wished he hadn’t finished his drink a while back. Nothing to do with his hands, except rest them in his pockets.

“No, I guess not. Some decisions you make and they work out well. Others, not so much. One of the reasons I wanted to talk to you today. Could we sit down?”

Bench. Yeosang looked around. Same courtyard. Did San think they could replace that day with other memories, by being in the same place? Didn’t seem logical, but he had to think positively. He’d pushed the other two away because of his misunderstanding, even if he’d meant well. He sat down. San took a breath and did the same.

“I need to explain something.”

Did he mean the ‘in love’ thing? No. Wooyoung wouldn’t have relayed that.

“Okay.”

“The kiss. It wasn’t a mistake. What I said after was. The video would have made everything perfectly clear, but that shouldn’t have been filmed or sent. Some things I said, I never intended you to know, but if you ever were to find out, that wasn’t the right way. If you’re going to tell one of your closest friends that you’ve liked them, very, very much, for over a year and a half, you do it in person.”

San? San had had some sort of feelings for him for…how long? Which he’d never meant to tell him. And the kiss. Not a mistake. Like he’d thought. Like he’d said. Hadn’t they all referred to it like that?

“Wooyoung and I were in a lot of sections together, first term, that first year. We talked a lot about what we were learning, but our lives, too. And your name kept coming up. Then he showed me that sketch. Of you, your face on…a house. Wasn’t sure what to make of it. Or of him, that he would draw that. But he was so cheerful, flipping through his sketchbook. So delighted to show off his muse. Not how I’d ever thought of the term, but how he described it, how he described you, it made me curious. When I met you, you were just like he said. Funny, clever, imaginative, and…bright. You make things bright. And the two of you together, you joke and you bicker, but there is so much love. I’d never seen that level of devotion between friends. It made you more beautiful than you already are. It made sense that people asked you out. It didn’t, that you always said no. But maybe you weren’t interested in dating. Not a question I’d ask someone I’d only known a few months. Then it was summer break, and I went home.”

San thought how much he loved Wooyoung was…beautiful?

“Last fall, I got my answer without asking. You did date people. Which meant you were taken—but then it ended. Could I risk it? I didn’t know. I asked Wooyoung. Did he think I’d have a chance? He didn’t know. But any decision I might have made got swept away by how often you thanked us for being reliable friends who didn’t abandon their dreams. The way your ex did, when he switched schools and majors. Even a different city. I was a friend. I got it. Asking you out would have been a bad choice. So I kept quiet, because feelings aside, I love being your friend. If that was all I could be, I’d learn to accept that.”

Who could do that? How could it be possible? He bit his lip and stared at the ground.

“Months and months later, though, you _were_ dating a friend. What was it about Hyunjin that made _him_ different? But you were happy, so I tried to be supportive. It was hard. He could be near you in a way I couldn’t. That whole month….” San sighed. “But then that day, when he texted you. Finding out you’d broken up days before, that shocked me. You hide a lot—last fall, unless someone _knew_ , they’d have thought you and your ex were just very close friends. Hyunjin…I don’t know him well at all, but I’d seen how he looked at you. Of course he’d want you back. Yet you said he’d regret it. Didn’t make any sense to me, but you were so miserable, I thought Wooyoung’s idea, which was crazy, might help? And…and I thought, maybe, in the middle of pretending, there might be a chance, for me.”

“You—what?” Yeosang jerked his head up, eyes flashing to San then back to the ground, his hands clenching tight in his coat pockets.

“It wasn’t my first thought, I swear,” San replied hurriedly. “I wanted you to feel better. But…hope. There was a little bit of hope. I promised myself if I had a chance, I’d go for it. I didn’t realize how difficult that’d be. Overcoming that learned acceptance. That last day we met, _here_ , it hit me that I hadn’t tried, not really, in all those weeks, and when would I ever have a chance again? It _was_ a mistake, that I didn’t ask first. And it being in public, when you don’t like that. I’m sorry. But Hyunjin showing up? Seemed like fate. A perfect excuse. So I kissed you. I’d wanted to, for so long. And for the seconds it lasted….”

From his side vision, he could see San grip his hands together.

“For the seconds it lasted, it felt like a dream. Like everything I’d thought it’d be like. Then you pushed me away, and asked why. Staring at me. You hadn’t instantly done that. I actually thought you’d kissed me back. That was it. Moment of decision. And I panicked. Made it seem part of the plan. You looked stunned, then kind of…torn. I’d said the wrong thing. I tried to fix it, but you told me to stop. You backed away. And that…that horrible smile. I didn’t know a smile could look so wretched. I’d done that. Me. Your friend. _I’d_ hurt you that much. If I’d had a chance, I’d ruined it.”

“Why are you telling me this, now?” An odd, cold sensation was spreading through him.

“You were talking to us again. I owed you the truth. I wanted to tell you. I needed to. That…that I like you. I have, for almost as long as I’ve known you.”

 _Now_ , after so long a silence? _Now_ , after this last week, when everything had changed with Hyunjin? _Now,_ San spoke up? Why now?

“You said you asked Wooyoung. He’s known since last fall.” And kept it a secret—but not his to tell. “He never actively discouraged you, did he?”

“No. He told me I should have tried, a few times, but—“

“Stop.” He looked at San, swallowed against the tightness in his throat and the increasing pain, and took a few breaths. “My best friend, who knows me almost entirely, told you to try. Was I really not worth the risk?”

“Don’t make it sound like that. You’re worth _so much_. But you made it clear you saw me as a friend.”

“You and Wooyoung _are_ my friends. People do that, don’t they? Vent after breakups? Be grateful for the friends they have? That was a year ago. From those couple weeks, until Hyunjin—then when I was so scared to lose him _as a friend,_ that’s when you changed your mind? Thought, maybe?”

“That wasn’t the main reason I agreed!”

Of course it wasn’t. He wasn’t like that, not at all.

“I know, San. You were being an admirable friend. And I appreciated that.” His control of his voice was slipping. “Right up until I started to have…non-friend thoughts. That wasn’t supposed to happen. It was a fake rebound. You did it because you felt sorry for me. I knew that. Which is why I needed it to be over, and why the kiss—I liked it. A lot. When I asked _why_ , I was hoping you’d say you wanted to. You didn’t. You convinced me it was _part of the plan_. What I felt? Just me. The bit of video I saw, you saying you made a mistake? Made me feel sick. And now you’re saying it was real? That you just…panicked?”

“You…you liked me?”

“Yes. And I _did_ kiss you back. It might’ve lasted longer, but it got windy and I got cold, and _that’s_ when I realized I didn’t know why, and pushed you away. But your response, San. You should have risked it. People are _supposed_ to be willing to risk being turned down, because how else can they know if they might be accepted? I would have said yes, that day. Now I don’t know how to act. What did you think would happen, telling me all this, now? How could you imagine anything _good_ would occur?”

He stood up, hands rubbing his temples. He would have said yes. Would it have worked? Or failed? But saying yes, he’d never have cleared all the misunderstandings with Hyunjin, the person all the lies had begun with and for. The person who mattered deeply to him. The person whose moods and needs and wants influenced his own. He’d have lost him, steadily, slowly, passively.

“Yeosang, I’m sorry.” San’s voice was crackly. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”

Could he have felt as contented with San? Not in the same way, they were different people. But it might have worked. And Hyunjin…he was waiting for a text. To know how today went. Why would he think it important unless—unless he’d had a good idea San planned something like this. A long overdue confession. He hadn’t sounded like himself last night. Had he been worried? That today would end what they had? That Yeosang would reconsider?

What was happening today? How could you feel numb and shattered at the same time?

“I have to go. I can’t do this.” He turned around and began walking away.

He’d promised Hyunjin no more lies. But he’d never gotten a return promise back. Had he? Were omissions lies? He couldn’t have _known_ what would happen today, but he’d had a guess. And he hadn’t warned him. What did that mean?

“Yeosang!”

Why was San keeping pace with him?

“I can’t do this. San, please. I need…I need space. More than ever before, I need space. _Please_.”

What had been Hyunjin’s sudden understanding last night?

“Are you going to be safe getting home?”

Safe. Scary. Was it _too_ scary? Too much and not enough? Why hadn’t Hyunjin warned him? He wouldn’t feel he was in a never ending free-fall if he’d had a little warning.

“I’ll be fine getting home.”

 _If not now, I will be_. Everything had been clear, but now?

“I _really_ need space, San. Please stop following me.”

“Okay.”

He sounded so disheartened. Was everything coming apart? It felt like it.

Once he was on the bus, he pulled out his phone. He’d agreed to send a text.

**KangYS:**   
You were right again.  
But I was, too.  
There is no going back to normal, not ever.  
If you’d planned on it, don’t stop by today.

He felt so raw, and jagged. Out of place. Was anything like he’d thought it was? He pressed his head against the window.

He hadn’t agreed to keep his phone on.

*****  
Wooyoung

Wooyoung glanced in the mirror. Air drying versus blow drying. Not a difficult decision. But it only ate up so much time, no matter how low a heat setting you used. He picked up his phone again. Nothing. He’d been in the studio most of the day, finishing the painting for his final. It didn’t need to be completed so early, but he’d known exactly what he wanted to portray. Known the perfect color mixes. Known the textures required for the painting to come alive. He knew his subject so well, everything came easily. He’d been so absorbed he hadn’t thought to look at a clock. After he’d cleaned his space and washed up, secured the room, then he’d remembered to check his phone. He’d ignored other texts, and read through the long messages from San, summing up what had happened. It was damn awkward, that he was roommates with Changbin. Not that this kind of topic was one you wanted to discuss with a roommate nearby, but his situation was particularly problematic.

Given the key points, he’d thought Yeosang would’ve texted him, as well. Since he, too, had a roommate, though he had no idea where Jongho was at present. Of course he’d need time to process what had happened, first. It wouldn’t have occurred to him that meeting for coffee meant anything else. _He, himself,_ had needed a bit of time to comprehend that Yeosang _had_ liked San, and all that distance and time apart wasn’t just because of the video portion he’d seen and what he’d thought it meant. But no messages appeared. He’d showered and changed and dried his hair. And, still staring at the phone in his hand, nothing. A vague feeling of unease crept into him. At the least, Yeosang should have had words for him, that he’d known how San felt, when he’d encouraged his fake rebound idea.

Jongho still wasn’t back from wherever he was. Maybe a group practice? He could try calling, but he didn’t want to push. He’d texted San back that Yeosang asking for space, that was normal. Seemed to settle him. But now…now that he was thinking about it, the most recent time Yeosang had wanted space had been tied to some very stressful weeks. He didn’t want that happening again. With a slight hesitation, he tapped on the contact number—straight to voicemail. No. Network error. Had to be. He tried again. Voicemail. That never happened. Yeosang never turned his phone off except for exams. If he didn’t want to talk to people, he put his phone on silent. To turn his phone off? Today? That wasn’t good.

He would not have gone to his parents’ home, not with that kind of information to deal with. Wouldn’t have been up to pretense. San saw him leave campus, so he wasn’t in the library or anywhere else. His normal pattern would be to go straight to his apartment. But his phone was off. So normal didn’t necessarily apply. He might have texted Hyunjin before turning off his phone…Yeosang had said they were getting along again, and they _had_ left around the same time last night. He put his phone down. _He_ was overthinking. No. No, he wasn’t. Yeosang had _never_ turned off his phone except for school-related reasons since he’d been given one.

**JungWY:**   
Has Yeosang texted you today?  
Or called?

**Hyunjin:**   
Texted very briefly.  
Why?

**JungWY:**   
When?

**Hyunjin:**   
Over two hours ago.  
Why?

Not long after he’d left campus.

**JungWY:**   
Did he say he was going anywhere?  
Say anything not…typical?

**Hyunjin:**   
I thought he was going home.  
What he said?  
I wouldn’t say atypical…more unsettled?

**JungWY:**   
You didn’t ask why??

**Hyunjin:**   
He was meeting San today.  
I didn’t need to ask.  
And given the few lines he sent me,  
he didn’t want a response.

If he was at home, and his phone off? What, was he just sitting there? Alone? All of today spinning and spinning in his mind? Bad enough he’d turn off his phone?

**Hyunjin:**   
Why are you texting _me_?

**JungWY:**   
I thought he might have contacted you.  
Which he did.  
You’re the last person he talked to.  
Texted. Whatever.  
I can’t get ahold of him.

**Hyunjin:**   
You can’t _what_!

**JungWY:**   
Don’t bother trying.  
Direct to voicemail.

**Hyunjin:**   
No.

**JungWY:**   
Did…did the two of you ever go  
anywhere together?

**Hyunjin:**   
Different parks.  
Random places.  
He’s gotta be at home.

**JungWY:**   
With his phone off.  
Right.  
I’m going over there.

**Hyunjin:**   
Wooyoung.

**JungWY:**   
I’ll text you later.

*****

No lights on. Maybe…maybe asleep? Or just sitting there. Or not there. Wooyoung rubbed his hands together and knocked. Waited. No answer. He’d seen Yeosang enter the door code before, multiple times. He remembered it. But just going in? He pulled off his gloves and dug out his phone. Voicemail. Shit. He tapped in the code and opened the door.

Darkness. Quiet. This was really bad. He didn’t know where Yeosang could be. Didn’t know where to begin to look. He stepped inside, shut the door, and kicked off his shoes. It was long past sunset. He had no choice. He’d have to wait.

*****

Almost an hour later, going by the phone still gripped in his hand as he sat on the bed, he heard the soft sounds of the door being unlocked and opened. Relief flooded through him as the entry light was flicked on. He was okay. He was unharmed. How had he not noticed someone in his apartment yet?

“I could’ve been anyone, you know,” he said abruptly.

Yeosang jumped, then slowly leaned down to unlace his boots.

“Why were you in the dark?”

“I thought you coming back and seeing lights on that you didn’t turn on, would scare you.” He took a breath. Wrong tone. He was safe. “Where’ve you been? Why’s your phone been off?”

“I went for a walk.” One boot gently removed and placed on the floor.

“For hours? With your phone _off_? You never turn your phone off. What if something had happened? To…to anyone? I couldn’t get ahold of you. You saw San, left campus, texted Hyunjin, then disappeared to—I don’t know where.”

He lined both boots up against the wall and straightened up.

“I think I walked in circles. Roughly. I didn’t want to get lost. Just…big circles. I’m sorry that I worried you.”

He watched Yeosang cross the few meters to his closet, unzip and hang up his coat.

“That’s all you’re going to say? I’ve been out of my mind for, like, an hour and a half. Worried was _before_ then. And that’s _it_? That you’re _sorry_?” he demanded.

“What do you want me to say?” Yeosang asked quietly, hands smoothing the quilted fabric.

“I don’t know! But could you look at me?”

“Of course.” He turned around.

Wooyoung’s hand covered his mouth. “Yeosang? Why did you go for a long walk?”

“I hurt.”

Enough to cut off the whole world. What had they said? How did they hurt his Yeosang this much?

“Sit?” he asked tentatively.

Yeosang sat down, expression unchanging.

“Tell me?”

“How far back should I go?”

How far back? What had they _done_? “Whatever led to tonight?”

“Okay.” He nodded. “Walking doesn’t _actually_ clear your mind, by the way. Whoever says it does, they’re lying. If I ever said it, I was lying. Can you lie without knowing it? I should be an expert, all the lies I told this semester, but I don’t know. All walking around does is give you time to organize chaos into words. For the most part.” He frowned. “With your painting lessons, the hardest one, you told me, was learning when to stop. Up to a point, but then no more, or the whole concept could be ruined. Today…today was one paint stroke too many. What seemed wonderful became unrecognizable. I wanted to walk away from it, but I can’t. People aren’t paintings. You can’t start over the same way.”

Yeosang pulled up his legs and hugged them to his chest.

“I honestly thought it was just coffee. I’d re-established—no. Re-affirmed my friendships with Hyunjin and you, but not with San. That’s all I thought it’d be. I was not prepared for what it became. It doesn’t seem real. Which fits this whole term—reality, unreality, which is which. Like walking through, well, an abstract painting. I’ve done and said things I never thought I would, before. I didn’t think I’d tell you that in September, me and Hyunjin, that _started_ as…fake dating.” He shook his head. “I don’t like that phrase. It never felt like we were pretending. But it wasn’t what people thought it was.”

Wooyoung stared at him in astonishment. Fake? How? Why?

“There _were_ reasons. It wasn’t a prank or anything like that. We both promised not to tell anyone. So it’d look entirely convincing.” He paused. “Since I became his friend, we’ve had a lot of fun. But there’s also parts of ourselves we don’t have to explain to each other. So nothing much really changed, at first.”

“Baby?” Wooyoung interjected. It _had_ looked very convincing.

Yeosang smiled faintly. “A joke. He thought it was funny, and sometimes so did I. But then things started to feel different. When it ended…I’d forgotten it had to. Didn’t really want it to. It was as natural as breathing, but…. Maybe I’m so slow because I haven’t dated much. And never a friend. He knew he didn’t want it to stop, just change. He simply wanted to be sure, before asking. I didn’t know that’s why I didn’t hear from him for days. I didn’t tell you, or San, because I didn’t think you’d understand and…I didn’t really either. Reality, unreality. Like I said.”

“But when he texted you—you were so emphatic you didn’t want him. Like that. You just wanted to protect him, keep your friendship.” Though he’d been frantic, which wasn’t normal for him at all.

“I didn’t understand. The reasons why we’d begun, I thought they were still part of his thinking. I know that doesn’t make any sense to you. I can’t explain it. I didn’t think he really meant it, that’s the important part. I _was_ terrified, that if I just rejected him, I’d lose him. I hadn’t realized _how_ important he’d become to me. That should have been a clue. But it wasn’t. Slow. I’m slow. Your idea…,” he sighed. “If I’d known how San felt, I would _never_ have agreed. Not really happy you suggested it, since you did know.”

“I thought he needed a push,” Wooyoung mumbled. “And I thought, from what you said, it would help you.”

“It did, in some ways. And San, well, he explained why he agreed to it. Fully explained everything, today. That extra brush stroke on a painting. Not his fault. He didn’t know that in the second solo week, it finally clicked. I liked him and I liked Hyunjin. He didn’t know how troubling that was, to me. Hyunjin I was already avoiding. I had to avoid San, too, and I did. Until the breakup day. And…that kiss.” Yeosang’s voice wavered. “Which, apparently, was not a mistake, though at the time, he said it was just for appearances. So I pulled away from everyone, thinking it was all just me, and they deserved better. In this last week, I found out that wasn’t true. It was never true. A week ago…a week ago today, Hyunjin came over, and…made his feelings clear. He’d been suspicious of me and San. He was right. It _was_ a fake rebound. And he knew what fake looked like. That day, he stayed a while.”

“Oh,” Wooyoung said, understanding flooding him.

“Yeah. And we hung out Sunday before dance practice, and came back here after. I don’t talk about my personal life but…we have something. Or maybe we had. After today, I don’t know.” Yeosang pressed his hands together tightly then dropped them onto the bed. “He rode the bus home with me last night, though he didn’t stay. A few things he said struck me as unusual—some still don’t make sense. He asked me to text him, after I met with San. The only explanation for that is he had to have guessed San’s intentions. But he didn’t warn me. If he…if he wanted to stay with me as much as he said he did. As much as I told him I wanted that, too, why wouldn’t he have warned me?”

The note of betrayal in Yeosang’s voice made his chest tighten. He’d known San’s intentions, known it would startle, maybe even shock Yeosang, and he’d been silent. It had never occurred to him a warning would be necessary. Confessions didn’t come with them. But he hadn’t known about…whatever had been happening with Hyunjin.

“If he guessed, maybe him not saying anything was because he didn’t feel sure. Maybe he was afraid. I don’t know. But there might be reasons that aren’t…bad.”

“Maybe,” he murmured. “But not to know, to be hit with the knowledge San kept back? If he’d not made me feel like…like a fool, if he’d said the kiss was because he’d wanted to…. But now? Because it was too risky, I was lied to. I thought it was just me. That was painful. And then I felt worse, when I saw the video, and thought, how did I miss seeing you love someone? I had to stop all thoughts of him. You being happy, that was so much more important.”

“You thought you’d crossed a line.”

Yeosang nodded.

San, you idiot, Wooyoung thought silently. Weeks of Yeosang being alone, because you said the wrong damn thing. There wouldn’t have been a video, if you’d just _done it right_.

“And now, no matter what, I’m going to hurt someone. Both of them. I promised Hyunjin no more lies. Not after I told so many. And I thought we were…. So I have to tell him. I’d have said yes, to San, that day. And then, well, that would have worked or not. But Hyunjin and I wouldn’t have happened. I’d have…I’d have lost him. Maybe entirely. Would I have been happy? With San? I can’t know. Because now isn’t then. And now, everything is tangled. Because Hyunjin.” His voice broke on the name. “Telling him the truth—we weren’t _anything_ then, but telling him we might never have been? Will he even want me, still? Being told all that?”

He’d been right, there _had_ been so much more to their dating and break up and…whatever they were now. Beginning as fake and then…the text, that day. That was Hyunjin asking him out? The fuck, had he tried to make it real by _text_? No wonder Yeosang couldn’t believe it. He reached out and pulled his best friend next to him. _Two_ idiots, he thought savagely. If they’d done it _right_ , this wouldn’t be happening. Yeosang would have been happy or it wouldn’t have worked, but he wouldn’t be like _this_. He wouldn’t look and sound so devastated.

“And what do I say to San? Anything I say won’t be what he wants to hear. I might be slow, but I know what a confession means, what kind of response people hope for. He doesn’t know about…this last week. Which might be over anyway.” He curled in closer. “I don’t want it to be over, Wooyoung-ah! I missed him every day, even when I liked San—what does that make me? He knows I liked him and San, maybe that’s why, but that doesn’t make sense! Not with what he said. What he said before last night.”

“Yeosang….” What could he _do_? How could he help?

“Am I going to lose them both?”

He needed words. He needed to say something. Someone he loved was aching and fearful, and he needed words.

“They both care about you. I can’t see that happening.”

“San finally got it together, to tell me, and I have to say no. Because even if now…even if now ends, I can’t forget what’s happened. And he never tried. I told him that. You have to try, and tell a person, otherwise there’s never an answer. He took my frustrations from a few weeks post-breakup and somehow made that a reason to…to hide behind. But that isn’t fair of me, is it? Is it too much? Just _tell me_ , just _ask_. And if I say yes, and I explain for me, private is always private, and you agree, _mean it_. If you can’t work with that, tell me. Don’t let me think it’s okay, when it’s not.”

What the hell had they said to him? Didn’t matter. Only Yeosang mattered.

“You trusted Hyunjin, right?”

“Yes,” he replied sadly.

Please let him say this the right way. Please let him be guessing correctly.

“Keep trusting him. He might have guessed San meant to confess, but he couldn’t have known what he would say. I knew San had plans, but he didn’t tell me details. And I’d no idea how you felt about the kiss. Did Hyunjin? Know how you felt about it?”

Yeosang was quiet.

“I don’t think so. I thought it was a mistake. That’s what I told him. That San had said it was just to convince Hyunjin he had no chance. I told him, too, that you and…that I thought you…so I was glad it was a mistake. That I hadn’t meant anything to San.”

“There! See? He didn’t know enough to know a warning of some sort would be needed.”

“If he’d wanted me to stay with him, why wouldn’t he have, anyway? But maybe that was his sudden realization, that I’m…too different.”

Fuck.

“I don’t know. But don’t do this again. You…oh, I love you, Yeosang, but you’ve jumped to some wild conclusions this semester. You don’t know enough. Wait. Ask him. _You’d_ want to be asked.”

“I would. Still doesn’t make sense why he was so different last night. So stiff. Did he not trust me?” His head drooped.

Wooyoung pushed down the growing feelings of rage and frustration. Those two. Oh, those two.

“I don’t think that was it. He trusted you not to lie again, right? Just ask him. Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow…oh my God, it’s late!” Yeosang looked at him, wide-eyed. “You haven’t eaten, have you? And the bus back, and everything.”

“It’s okay. You’ve got eggs in the fridge, right? I’ll make us an omelette. After you shower. You walked for hours in the cold. Shower, change, we’ll eat, and if you think I’m leaving you alone tonight, you’re wrong.”

“Good thing we’re almost the same size.”

“Yeah, it is. But for right now, grab something to change into, and go shower? I’ll be right here. I promise.” He kissed Yeosang’s forehead. “Go.”

Patiently, he waited while Yeosang gathered up clothes and made his way to the small washroom. As soon as he heard the water turn on, he grabbed his phone from where he’d dropped it, sometime earlier. _Those two_.

New Group Chat

**JungWY:**   
The two of you.  
Fuck you both.

**Artist2:**   
Wooyoung??

**Hyunjin:**   
What happened??

**JungWY:**   
Yeosang finally came back.

**Hyunjin:**   
Oh, thank God.

**Artist2:**   
He was gone?

**JungWY:**   
Yes.  
And you’re both the reason why.  
_You’re_ why my best friend, the person you both supposedly care about,  
walked around I don’t know which parts of Seoul, for near three hours.  
All that time, trying to understand why his world was suddenly  
a disastrous mess, and convincing himself he’d lost both of you  
for things outside his control.  
I have not seen him cry, in years and years, but he was close to it.  
And whose fault is that?  
Yours. Both of you.  
Whatever you said. Or didn’t say.  
Whatever you did. Or didn’t do.  
This damn semester should have taught you he doesn’t put things  
together correctly when he’s in pain.  
You _hurt him_.  
My Yeosang.  
My best friend.  
A huge portion of my fucking world.  
And you _hurt him_.

**Artist2:**   
Oh, no.

**Hyunjin:**   
I hurt him?

**JungWY:**   
_Yes_.  
You much more than San.  
Fuck.  
Don’t know how much longer  
he’ll be in the shower.  
Private chat, _now_.

*****

**JungWY:**   
You didn’t warn him.

**Hyunjin:**   
About what?

**JungWY:**   
What San meant to say.  
You _knew_ a confession would be part of it.  
You didn’t even give him a hint.

**Hyunjin:**   
I didn’t want to influence him.  
I didn’t want him to feel…burdened.  
If he chose San then….  
I’d back out.

**JungWY:**   
That’s fucking stupid.  
I don’t want to know details.  
But whatever was between you he thinks might be gone now.  
That you didn’t want him enough.  
That you don’t trust him.  
He wants _you_ , but something you said last night  
made him think you’d changed your mind.  
That you maybe wanted out.  
That he was too demanding.  
_Yeosang_. Demanding?  
That’s where he’s at now.  
You should have been selfish.

**Hyunjin:**   
He thinks that??  
What _happened_ today?  
What did San say?

**JungWY:**   
I don’t have the time to go over it,  
and if I did, I wouldn’t try.  
I don’t know everything and I’m not in his head.  
You hurt him.  
You fix it.  
If you can.  
If you want to.  
If you don’t, don’t let me see you,  
or we’ll both wind up on probation.

**Hyunjin:**   
I can head out now.

Right response, for once. The anger that had pushed him along faded.

**Wooyoung:**   
Not tonight.  
I had to argue for you without a damn clue if I was right or wrong.  
Just to keep him from falling apart.  
You need to figure out a good explanation for no warning,  
and whatever you said last night that you didn’t explain?  
Is driving him crazy.  
So figure that out, too.  
I’m staying over, for my sake as much as his.  
I need to know he’s eaten and slept.  
I’ll talk to him again tomorrow.  
You don’t come near here until…  
not until I say you can.

**Hyunjin:**   
Will he sleep?

**JungWY:**   
He’s too worn out not to.  
And he won’t be alone.  
That helps him, when he’s really stressed.

**Hyunjin:**   
Okay.

**JungWY:**   
Be selfish.

**Hyunjin:**   
Got it.  
Anything else?  
Don’t know how much sleep I’ll be getting.

**JungWY:**   
You don’t deserve much.  
But yeah.  
One more thing, you complete idiot.  
Tell him you love him.

**Hyunjin:**   
_What_?

**JungWY:**   
No other reason why you’d be  
willing to give him up,  
when you _have_ him.  
Rare kind of stupid.  
Which is good.  
Lot of miserable people otherwise.

**Hyunjin:**   
That’s the thing I didn’t explain.  
Last night.

**JungWY:**   
Are you kidding me??  
Like a drama!?  
Not until San approached him  
and you realized you really might lose him???  
_Fix it._  
Shower’s stopped.  
Have to go.

*****

**JungWY:**   
San, I’ll explain tomorrow.  
Sorry I lost it.

**Artist2:**   
Yeosang’s what you painted for love.  
Pure love.  
Him being in pain?  
You’d want to tear the world apart.  
Take care of him.  
Though I know you will.

*****  
Yeosang, next morning

“What do I want?” He looked at Wooyoung in confusion, then dropped his gaze to his plate. He needed groceries. Omelettes again. He poked at a small piece with a chopstick.

“Yeah. I know yesterday threw a lot of info at you. Made you second-guess motivations. All that. But what do you want to happen? You want me to go beat them up? I’ll try. You don’t want to talk to either of them again? This isn’t about what you feel you have to do. I’m asking what you _want_ to do.”

“Develop amnesia and never remember San’s confession. Except you know and he knows and Hyunjin…knows. Knows something. And all of you knowing and me not knowing, it’d always feel not right, and most amnesia resolves….” He carefully paired the chopsticks together and laid them flat.

“Not a scenario, Yeosang. What do you really want to happen? Don’t think about what they want or how they might react to what you’d say—be selfish. Your heart, your hopes, your…everything. Put all that first. It’s just me, listening. And all I care about it is you being happy. What would make you happy? What do you want?”

He looked at his best friend’s open expression. He didn’t want to hurt anyone. But he had already this term, without meaning to. Selfish? If he could have what he wanted…he’d want the emotions of Monday evening forever. Everything feeling natural and normal and…beautiful, though it had moved so fast. But…he chewed on his lip. Had it? Practicing that duet, over and over, the desire and tension. It hadn’t been his imagination. He knew that now. There’d been attraction then, he’d just misread it. And seeing him dance…every time he watched Hyunjin dance, he got caught up. So it wasn’t really that fast, was it?

But that was just attraction. Wasn’t it?

He’d missed Wooyoung and San and Hyunjin, when he’d tried his plans. But Hyunjin the most. Which should appall him. Wooyoung was his best friend. But there it was. Being without Hyunjin _was_ hellish. Monday had felt so full of promise and…hope? He’d felt secure and relaxed and _happy_ that evening. If he was being selfish, just _saying_ what he wanted, it wasn’t that difficult.

“I want Hyunjin, the way he said he wanted me, how I wanted—still want—him.”

Only he couldn’t have that, could he?

“Okay, good.” Wooyoung blew out a breath of air. “Saying what you want. _Why_ do you want him?”

“I…that’s personal.” And complicated, Yeosang added silently.

“I’m not asking about anything related to—“

“Stop! I didn’t mean _that_ , or, um, not just…oh my God.”

“No! That’d be weird. I phrased it badly. What is it _about_ Hyunjin that makes you happy? Not personal-physical things. With _that_ in mind, _why_ do you want him?”

Why?

“Because he’s…him.”

“That’s unhelpfully unspecific.”

“What do you want, a list?”

“Be a start.”

“Why—“

“Humor me?”

“How does this help _anything_?” It was pointless.

“I just…,” Wooyoung took a breath. “I think it will. Please?”

He sighed. Putting aside what yesterday and the night before meant or might mean—they were murky and didn’t look good, but if he was wrong, and he’d been wrong before, he thought wistfully…why did he, purely selfishly, want Hyunjin? The way things had been Monday.

“He’s honest. He’s funny. He can be very sweet. It’s annoying when he’s right instead of me, but he’s quick and clever. Guess he can’t help it.”

“You’d rather he be slow, like you?”

Yeosang stared at Wooyoung and kept his lips pressed together.

“That sounded more sweeping than I meant it.”

Yeosang raised an eyebrow.

“I’m sorry!”

“Don’t be rude again.”

“I won’t.”

“Uh-huh.” How could you break down someone’s appeal into a list? “There’s what sort of drew us together in the first place. Hyunjin understands what it’s like. The whole…looks being valued first, dance second. Though he’s more talented.”

“No, he’s not,” Wooyoung cut in sharply. “And I’m not being rude. You’re different styles of dancers. Different abilities and skills. Would _he_ let you say that he’s more talented?”

“No.”

“I won’t, either. So, don’t. Now…continue.”

“He’s fun to tease.” A slight smile curved his mouth. “I love his laugh. I love arguing silly things with him like they’re serious. He’s protective.” Yeosang paused. Where had that come from? The bus ride, before he’d told the truth? Other times, too. “I trust him. A lot,” he said slowly. Which meant he had to believe Hyunjin hadn’t _entirely_ changed his mind, not after all he’d said Monday. There could be reasons for Friday night’s reserve and vague comments, reasons that weren’t a rejection. He’d just been so overwhelmed yesterday—because he hadn’t been warned. Why hadn’t he?

“Hey! Stop it. You’re focusing too much on something in your head. Is that _it_? Your _whole_ list?”

That stung.

“No. I can’t—I can’t make a list. He’s just _him_. Everything about Hyunjin is _necessary_ to me. Thinking I’d lost him, before, thinking I could lose him again, is the worst feeling I have ever had. I don’t like being without him. I want him because I need him. Is _that_ enough for you?”

The air of tension—it _had_ been tension—fell away from Wooyoung.

“Almost, Yeosang-ah. Just change one verb: you want him because you love him.”

“That’s impossible.”

“Why?”

“I don’t. I couldn’t. I’d be a terrible person.”

“How?” Wooyoung looked perplexed.

“I liked Hyunjin and San at the same time, and with San, I told you, I would have said yes, that day.”

“You didn’t, though. And people can like more than one person along the way, but only choose to love one.”

“I haven’t chosen anything,” Yeosang protested. Love? How would he know?

“I asked you to put your own heart and hopes before everyone else’s—I said that, when I said be selfish. That’s all I meant. And you said you’d want Hyunjin, that he’d make you happy. I asked you why, and you told me. All the kinds of things people say when they’re falling for someone, but then that _everything_ about him is _necessary_ to you? Not this one part or these three. All of him. That’s not liking. That’s way beyond. And it’s not as if you just met him. You know him. He knows you. That’s pretty solid. But, if you’re not entirely sure, run it through your head like a play—the facts, not your guesses. I’ll clean up.”

*****  
Wooyoung

**JungWY:**   
Did you get enough sleep to manage the bus,  
_and_ an intelligible explanation?

**Hyunjin:**   
Sleep? No.  
Caffeine? Yes.

**JungWY:**   
I didn’t mean it _seriously_ that you shouldn’t sleep!

**Hyunjin:**   
Doesn’t matter.  
I hurt someone I love.

**JungWY:**   
You better fix this.

**Hyunjin:**   
With all that’s at stake?  
The alternative’s unthinkable.

**JungWY:**   
I….  
Just come over.

**Hyunjin:**   
Will you be waiting at the door?

**JungWY:**   
No! Probably best he doesn’t know,  
at least right now,  
about last night’s texts.  
You’d look less sincere.

**Hyunjin:**   
Good point.  
Hold on.

**JungWY:**   
What are you doing?  
_(read)_  
What did you text Yeosang?  
No. Nevermind.  
Don’t want to know.  
_(read)_  
Why is he taking so long to respond?  
Why is he _like this_?  
He’s making _me_ anxious.

**Hyunjin:**   
Thank you for your soothing and encouraging words.

**JungWY:**   
Yeah, yeah.  
You’re perfect for each other.

**Hyunjin:**   
You think so?

**JungWY:**   
If you don’t fuck it up, probably.  
_(read)_  
Finally!  
I’ll be gone before you get here.  
Oh.  
He’s better this morning, but be careful.

**Hyunjin:**   
I know.

*****  
Yeosang

“What about San?” Yeosang asked suddenly, as Wooyoung reached for his jacket.

He sighed. “He doesn’t love you. You don’t love him. No matter what you learn today, talking with Hyunjin, those facts won’t change. But San will need time. I’ll be there for him when he needs me. He won’t be alone.”

“What if…what if Hyunjin doesn’t feel anything remotely like…I do?” Love. Terrifying word.

“I wouldn’t leave you alone, either, but I don’t think you’ll need any more of my help. Between what you said last night, and how you described him today, there’s gaps big enough for misunderstandings. _Not_ saying it’s all on you! He definitely messed up. But the change in you from the Thursday evening we ate at the cafeteria to the following week? Which was _pronounced_? That was you, with him. I have hope.”

“Maybe.” He sank back onto his bed. Twenty minutes from now. Give or take. “I don’t know how to say it, any of it. I mean, I know I can’t just say: San confessed and I can’t say yes to him because I love you, and I feel guilty that he’s going to be hurt even though I’m upset he brought it up _now_ when I’m…whatever I am with you, _if_ you even still want to be with me, which I’m not sure of because you didn’t warn me though you _had_ to have guessed he meant to say something like that because why else would you want to be texted after I met him for coffee since you’re _not_ a control freak, and what the hell was the sudden realization you had Friday night? I know I can’t say _that_.”

Wooyoung blinked at him, hands dropping from his jacket zipper.

“Uh, no. You shouldn’t say it like that. Little aggressive.”

“I _know_. But I’ve never even confessed to someone before! And love is different. Love is putting your whole self out there, body, mind, soul. I don’t know how to _say_ it. And I don’t want to, if his reasons for not warning me are _anything_ like I thought yesterday. They shouldn’t be. He’s not like that. But I’ve been wrong about a lot the last couple months. What if I’m right this time?”

“You won’t be,” Wooyoung said firmly.

“How can you _possibly_ …be so certain?” He sat up straighter. “ _What_ are you not telling me?”

Wooyoung shifted from one foot to the other. Huh.

“Your birthday is in two days. A couple weeks after that is the twentieth anniversary of the day my parents brought me to your house and pictures were taken of us. I have known you a long, long time. You’re slippery, but you can get caught, Wooyoung. What are you not telling me? You’re holding something—or some things—back.”

“I…he…he texted me, the night you fell asleep on the bus. To ask if me and San—which we aren’t—stupid video. It really doesn’t matter. You never saw how Hyunjin _looked_ at you. When you weren’t looking. While you were fake dating him. While you were fake dating San. Those weeks you cut yourself off. You looked at him, too. Like neither of you could help it. I refuse to believe he’d ever not want you like you want him.”

That was why he’d said it was frustrating. He’d known Wooyoung didn’t love San. But no. No, the frustration was him worrying about San, specifically. Friday night he’d said something about friends knowing when and how to wait. He’d…known. How _long_ had he known? Last weekend and Monday, not wanting anyone else to know of the absolute division Yeosang kept between his public and private lives. Not wanting to let go, not wanting to leave. Had Hyunjin thought _he wasn’t enough_? That, against San, in all truth, he could lose? If Yeosang didn’t feel held back by Wooyoung? Had that been his sudden realization?

“Yeosang,” Wooyoung said quietly. “I have to go. He texted you, to ask if he could come over. Maybe let him start things off? Get the answers you need, first. Then…all confessions are risks. You know that. Love’s bigger, but if you don’t risk, you’ll never know. For what it’s worth, I don’t think he’d be anything but gentle with you, on such a topic.”

No. He wouldn’t. He nodded his head and watched Wooyoung leave. Soon. Very soon.

*****

Wordlessly, he’d opened the door, then retreated to the kitchen table, to sit down and rest his hands on the folded sweatshirt. If this didn’t go well, he wanted to be able to give it back right away. If it went okay, it could go back on the shelf. In the meantime, it gave him something to hold onto. And maybe it sent a message.

Hyunjin paused, walking over, when he spotted it, eyes flicking back and forth between his face and his hands. He took a deep breath, then continued on, sitting in the opposite chair, sliding a small envelope onto the table.

“No going back to normal?”

Yeosang shook his head.

“Anything new can be a new normal,” Hyunjin offered.

“How long have you known?” he asked suddenly.

“About?”

“San. Feelings.”

“Ah.” He pushed the envelope a little further along the table. “Same day I realized why I didn’t want to end our…prelude. They were at the practice room door before you opened your eyes. It was brief, before he concealed it. But longing recognizes longing. I may have been a bit not nice. I didn’t have any _real_ basis for seeing him as a threat, but when you turned me down, later, saying you were dating him? Confirmation. It’s why I was startled he’d be so…well, stupid, to kiss you, then say it meant nothing.”

He was going to have to tell some of what San told him.

“Learned acceptance. That’s what he called it. Hard to overcome acceptance of over a year, that he could only be a friend. He said the wrong thing.” His hands tightened on the material. “I told you I liked you both, for a while. I don’t think I ever mentioned if he hadn’t said the wrong thing, he and I….I don’t know if it’d have worked or not. But you and I? If that had happened?”

Hyunjin turned his head to the side and nodded, a little jerkily.

“But things didn’t go that way,” Yeosang continued, twisting the fabric between his fingers, “they went another direction entirely. Then, later, shifted again, and you and I, this unnamed something. That started. And it felt perfect. It didn’t matter, about the kiss with San, except as…puzzlement. I had you. What we said, what we did, it all felt _normal_. Like the time between September and last weekend was simply time to understand day to day only made sense with you. Without you…I couldn’t be happy.”

As he’d spoken, Hyunjin had turned back toward him.

“Why are you speaking in past tense?”

“Because you didn’t warn me. You let me go in thinking yesterday was simple and friendly, and it was not. It was being told information that could only lead to me hurting a dear friend, and possibly….” It _was_ possible, he realized, with a surge of fear, and it wasn’t fair of _any_ of them. “And possibly never having him close, again. You wanted me to text you, after. I realized that meant you’d guessed, so you _could_ have warned me, but you didn’t. What did that mean? I asked myself that, over and over, when I was walking last night. And your sudden understanding. What was that? Maybe you didn’t want me anymore. My way of…being, was truly too much. You thought you could handle it, you thought you wanted it, but you didn’t. Thoughts like those. If you’d wanted me, you should have made it clear, before. No one but Felix knew about us, so San had no reason to suspect a problem. It was just him…trying. But you said nothing. How could I believe anything but that you’d changed your mind? That would make us….past tense.” His voice was starting to tremble. “A perfect, past episode where I hoped for more than was possible, and you wanted out.”

Hyunjin looked ill.

“No. I thought I was doing the right thing, and—no, Yeosang, I’ve never changed my mind. I can explain. _Please_ let me explain. It’s nothing like that.”

“Then why?” He sounded pleading. He could hear it in his voice. He could see in Hyunjin’s slight wince.

“When Wooyoung couldn’t get ahold of you, yesterday, he texted me, to see if I knew where you might be. I didn’t get it, until he said your phone was off. Turned off after you sent your messages to me, after you met with San. You don’t turn your phone off, outside of exams, so afternoon, evening on a weekend? He texted me, later, when you got home. I don’t think I moved, from that first text exchange to the second, a couple hours later. Just stared at my phone. Mind sort of blank. It had to be related to San, but what you sent me in that message, those words didn’t match you disappearing for hours. I tried to work it through, but I didn’t know what he’d said. Him wanting to meet you alone, yeah, I thought he’d probably say something. I didn’t warn you because you’ve said often you don’t like people telling other people’s stories. I thought I was doing the right thing. It never occurred to me you’d see that as anything else. It probably should have, just…given this past semester. But it didn’t. Asking you to text me was—you remember that scene you had to write, with the soldier and the girlfriend and the lover? How you said you’d break up with the person you were with, if you fell for someone else? I thought…I don’t know what I thought.”

It was logical. Even last night, when telling Wooyoung he and Hyunjin hadn’t been a real couple in September, he’d avoided mentioning the reasons why they’d begun. He’d been reluctant to tell Hyunjin even a little bit of what San had told him. He did _not_ like people sharing other’s stories. Was it really that simple? It seemed to be. But it still hurt.

“You thought _I’d_ change my mind?”

“I didn’t know. There’s something else.” Hyunjin drew the envelope towards him and opened it up, slid out a few printed photographs. “I couldn’t sleep much, last night. Whatever had driven you to walking around for hours, your phone _off_ , it couldn’t be good. It couldn’t be because you were thrilled by San’s confession. So I was left thinking about what I’d realized, Friday night, which lead to me spending quite a few hours looking at every picture I’ve taken of you, with my camera and my phone. And then I printed off four favorites. Will you look at them?”

If the photographs were linked to that sudden understanding, absolutely he’d look at them.

“Yes. Of course.”

“This one.” He laid it down between them. “That was the first time I tried to get you to pose _artistically_ , and you kept failing and giggling, then I couldn’t focus, from laughing. We kept setting each other off. This one.” He set down another. “A butterfly flew over the fence at your house, and you stood on tiptoe, trying to see the path it took. This one, though it’s a selca of the two of us, not just a photo of you.” He lined it up next to the others. “You’d seen photos of idols with flower wreaths and decided we should make our own because in dance club, we cover idols dancing. How that translated to wreaths on our own heads? I didn’t get it.”

Yeosang smiled. They looked a bit ridiculous, but it was…sweet. “It seemed fun.”

“It _was_ fun, though not something I thought I’d do in _college_. But you get these _ideas_ and then you develop _plots_ and it’s hard to resist. This last one is from the photo shoot for San.” He looked defensive, as he placed it on the table. “I didn’t send it to him. It was a little too blurry to help him. It wasn’t a favorite, before, but after you told me you pretended to be with him to…not lose me? It became one. I wish I had photos of you dancing, because I’d need those, along with these, to say I’d managed to capture the most important things about you. Important to me, at least. Curiosity, wonder, an endearing sort of quirkiness, intensity, talent, how much your friends being happy matters to you. You’re lovely, Yeosang. All-around lovely.”

Would he ever be able to predict the directions a serious conversation with Hyunjin would take? He felt light-headed. He was a little bit scared, what he’d see, if he looked up from the photographs. But you had to risk, to know.

“How…how do these relate to what you realized, Friday night?”

He looked up and, oh. Oh. People _could_ look more beautiful, when they looked at another person like that.

“It was a shock, to realize it wasn’t just liking, attraction, wanting to be around you as much as I can. Not something that if it ended, I could move on regretfully, but recover fully. That’s not real life. Not _normal_ real life. Who falls in love so fast? If you’d wanted San, I wouldn’t have fought, because I really did mean it. I want you to be happy. Even if—it sounds so over-dramatic, I _hate_ saying it, but it’s true—even if I could never give anyone else a whole heart. That was my sudden understanding Friday night. That I loved you. I should’ve said something, but what? It’d all just crashed into place, you’d already agreed to meet San, and I had no idea how you’d respond. And I didn’t think I’d ever feel sure, unless you knew how he felt. If you had all the information, then decided, _that_ would be fully informed. It didn’t work that way, it hurt you, and I am so horribly sorry I guessed wrong. I haven’t changed my mind about you. I still think the same, feel the same. I never want anyone else to know your secrets. I want to stay your favorite artist. I don’t ever want to leave you. And though it’s petty, and jealous, I don’t want you to dance a duet with anyone else, in the future.”

“That’s…a lot.”

“I know.”

“But I was right.”

“What?” Hyunjin leaned back, looking entirely lost.

“I told you, back in September, even in dramas that use fake dating, more times than not, it’s the two pretending who fall for each other. You said that wouldn’t happen. I was right. You were wrong.”

“Wait.”

“Oh. That wasn’t very romantic, was it? I think I sounded better, earlier, when Wooyoung was shoving me towards realizing it. I love you. You’re necessary to me. I can’t make a list of all the ways _how_ that’s so, just that you are. I also love your smile and your laugh, and I love when I’m the one who makes you smile and laugh. I love, love, love watching you dance. Hypnotic. You really are. I love that…you don’t let me settle, you push me to be better. When you’re sweet, when you’re sarcastic, when you’re kind, when you’re focused, when you pick up on things I don’t—though that’s still annoying—I love all those, too. I love kissing you. I love that you like being my favorite artist.”

“That _is_ an actual list, Yeosang,” Hyunjin said, laughing.

“It is, but not of how you’re necessary to me. That’s separate. I can’t explain how. You just are.”

His laughter faded. “Am I…forgiven? For making the wrong choice. Causing you pain.”

“You were using my own reasoning, in not warning me. Difficult to hold that against you. The rest…I don’t know what I’d have done in your shoes. But I don’t feel unhappy, now. I understand, now. So, yes, you’re forgiven.”

“Good. Why do you have the sweatshirt on the table, by the way?”

“As a talisman? Maybe? Something like that.” He was never mentioning all the possible reasons. “It’s getting colder, you know. You might want to leave a pair of sweatpants here, too. Especially since you’ll be here a lot during finals readings week.”

“Will I?”

“It was your idea, originally.”

“It was, wasn’t it?”

“Mm-hm.” He gazed at Hyunjin speculatively. “Where is our boundary, now?”

“Yeosang.”

“I’m not being provocative. I don’t know. You left marks, Sunday, on purpose, after I told you that was beyond what you’d established. Not that I had a problem with it. Not remotely. I stopped the consequences of that action from going further than kissing, but you told me Monday that if I hadn’t stopped…you didn’t know. Which means I don’t know where our current boundary is. You have to tell me.”

“Experimental?”

That was…an enticing word.

“Meaning?”

“You said how it feels is beyond words. The only way I might be able to understand is to experience it myself.”

“You might not like it.” But if he did….

“True. In that case, you should experiment on me, first, and if I don’t, well…I know I like leaving marks on you. The ones from before have faded, haven’t they?”

“Yes.” Love and desire—more spellbinding than desire alone. “Neither one of us is wearing loose-collared shirts.”

Hyunjin glanced down at his own clothes, then at Yeosang’s. “No, we aren’t. I guess they’d have to be removed.”

He tried to steady his breathing. “That wouldn’t be comfortable at all, or very practicable, sitting on the floor. Like last time.”

“If we’re experimenting with too much and not enough…you do have a bed.”

“Hyunjin, I swear, if you’re teasing me, I’m going to kick you out of here, into the cold, without shoes or a jacket.”

“I’m not. I’m curious. And the floor isn’t that comfortable. No further than anything I’ve said. Today. I trust you to stop us.”

Love and desire in the dark eyes staring into his.

“I can do that.”

“I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you know......my head canon for the future, in this story, is that after some time, San eventually grows....comfortable with the situation. He liked Yeosang, never loved him. And though things would never be the same as before......their friendship is more or less restored, though it’s made easier by the time apart military service required, in the middle of college (which is typical enlistment time, in Korea, as some of my previous stories have noted).
> 
> Things are good enough that, in my head, I have a scene of Yeosang trying to wake up a sleepy Hyunjin several years from the end of this story......never a task that becomes easier! Heh. But doing so, cause they had to see the senior year students’ fine art exhibit, they’d promised Wooyoung and San to be there at a certain time. And, no, those two would never end up together. San always liked going home.....feels like he’d somehow meet someone else from Namhae. Wooyoung? World adventuring artist? Quite possibly! :) But still needing FaceTime sketching sessions with his muse, from time to time, when he can’t break an artistic block. 
> 
> Hyunjin and Yeosang, happily ever after, of course. (And, yes, Yeosang loves that he was right. But so was Hyunjin.....the whole semester gave Yeosang a *lot* of material to use for scenes in plays.....details changed when needed. ;) )


End file.
